


Run

by alifletcher2010



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, F/M, Heavy Angst, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Kidnapping, On the Run, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2020-10-10 20:10:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 53,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20533892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifletcher2010/pseuds/alifletcher2010
Summary: Run/rən/Verbmove at a speed faster than a walk, never having both or all the feet on the ground at the same timeElide and Lorcan are both running, whether they realize it or not. Only by coming together do they finally plant both feet on the ground





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my general tw. For anyone who has read most of my other Throne of Glass fics, namely 23A, this is not that. Where 23A was fluffly, this is angsty. There are characters escaping abuse, characters with ptsd and alcoholism...it will still end nice, but you've been warned.

“You’ll be out here on the sidewalk waiting for me at what time?”

“11:30”

Vernon grasped Elide’s chin and wrenched her face over so she had to look directly into his beady eyes, his fingers dug into her skin so hard she would be covering up bruises for a week.

“11:30 what, Girl?”

“11:30, _sir_.” 

A sick, satisfied smirk came across Vernon’s face. “That’s right. And what else?”

Elide clenched her fists, ready to bite back at him, and then sighed and relaxed her hands. It was best not to get him worked up. Instead, she gave him the same answer he always wanted, letting him believe once again, that she was beaten and broken, “And thank you, Uncle for giving me a me a home and getting someone as worthless as me a job.”

He released her chin and roughly pushed he away. “That’s right, _little_ Elide. And don’t you forget it.”

Without a backwards glance at her uncle, Elide climbed out of the car as gracefully as she could with her ruined ankle and made her way to the restaurant. She slumped and hugged her arms around herself, the picture of disheartened and hopeless. She made her steps slow and exaggerated her limp for her uncle’s sake. Hopefully, he would loose patience and drive off before she even went inside. As if the gods were smiling on her, Elide saw the headlights retreat right as she reached the back door.

With a deep, steadying breath, she slipped in the staff entrance, and shrugged off her meek demeanor. Tonight was the night. Manon was waiting for her in the small alcove.

“Did he buy it?”

“I think so.”

Manon was Elide’s only friend in this godforsaken town, owner of the restaurant, and purveyor of other less than scrupulous business interests. It had taken some convincing, but she had gotten Manon to buy her a ticket for a Greyhound bus ride out of town with the tips she had slowly saved up.

Manon handed Elide a take out bag and her ticket. Before releasing the ticket entirely she asked, “Are you sure about this, El? You know that this time, if he catches you, there’s no coming back. He’ll end you. And no one, not even me, will be able to help you.”

Elide swallowed thickly and nodded. “I’m sure. It’s not like I have any other choice.”

“Ok, well then best of luck to you. When you’re settled let me know, somehow, that you’re alright.” Manon let go of the ticket and allowed Elide to stuff it in her pocket, and then, almost as if it was an afterthought, she wrapped Elide in a tight hug. “And remember, no one here is going to cover for you. I can’t have any other trouble with the police. I didn’t see you and I didn’t speak to you. So be smart and be careful and don’t get caught.”

Elide nodded as Manon pulled away. “I understand. Thanks for everything.”

Manon turned and disappeared into the depths of the restaurant and Elide slipped back outside, careful to stay out of the light, just in case her uncle had doubled back and was waiting in the parking lot. She opened the take out bag and smiled at its contents. Though she had a cold demeanor and was often harsh, and was most certainly not kidding about not covering for Elide, Manon still had a heart of gold. Over the last few weeks Elide had carefully smuggled her meager possessions to the restaurant and hidden them in Manon’s office. Manon had packed her stuff in the bag, but also slipped her some more money and enough food to last her a couple of days. Elide sent silent gratitude to her friend.

With a quick glance at her phone, Elide noted ten minutes had passed since her arrival. She took a steadying breath and then steeled herself. It was time. She started the timer on her watch and enacted her plan.

Two minutes to cross to the spot she had measured out in the parking lot where she left her phone. Close enough that it would look like to Vernon on GPS that she was at the restaurant all night, but far enough away that it would look like it just fell out of her pocket instead of abandoned. 

Then five more minutes to weave through the parking lot as fast as her leg would allow to the big box store. Her heart was pounding. Vernon had stopped checking in on her months ago at work, but every car she passed seemed to have his face looming out of it. 

Fifteen minutes to buy a backpack and a cheap cell phone and a couple other things last minute things for her trip. She did her best to blend in, not to be noticed by any of the workers, and she used the self checkout so that no one would remember her being there. 

Then five minutes to walk to the nearest public bus stop. Elide’s hands were shaking by this point, but so far her plan was working flawlessly. 

Three minutes to wait for her bus. Elide’s chest felt tight and uneasy and she tried to keep thoughts of doubt from her mind. 

Twenty minutes to ride the central station. While on the bus she unpacked the to go bag from Manon and stuffed her belongings into her new backpack. She balled up the telling bag from the restaurant and stuffed it in between her seat and the window and then spent the remainder of her ride setting up her new phone to keep her mind off all the what-ifs she could barely keep at bay.

Finally, finally, she arrived at the central station. Her Greyhound was already there. Elide had timed it perfectly. The tension in her shoulders eased at the sight of it. She stopped her timer. In all it had nearly been an hour since her shift should’ve started. Elide felt as if she hadn’t breathed since Vernon left her at the restaurant. She climbed carefully onto the bus, doing her best to disguise her limp, the most noticeable thing about herself, and then consciously choose a seat and settled down.

7:55. Five minutes until the bus left. Five minutes until she was _free._

Every cell in her body screamed at her to _run_, to run and hide and never look back. To pull up her hood and duck her head and make herself look small. But she knew better. Someone who looked like they were hiding never got away with it. Dark glasses and ball caps just drew attention. They were a mark of someone trying too hard to not be obvious, the mark of someone running for the first time. Elide wasn’t running for the first time. She had played this game before. Knew that the best way to get away was to be forgettable. So she sat there in her seat, not too far back, not too far front, headphones in, plain clothes, no makeup because pretty girls get noticed, slouching just the smallest bit to look relaxed, but not as if she was hiding. Because a sweet girl like her could never be hiding, could never be a runaway. 

No, this wasn’t her first time doing this. But if it all went well, it would be the _last_ time.

She had planned it perfectly this time. Over two years had passed since her last attempt. In those two years she had allowed Vernon to believe he had finally beaten her. Kept her head down, did her work, was meek and docile, her spirit broken. Slowly, she lulled him into complacency. When he was late to pick her up from work, she didn’t run, but waited like a good girl. When he left her home alone and forgot to lock her in, she was still there when he came back. Never even stuck a toe out of line.

Well, as far as he knew.

Vernon didn’t know about the tips the wait staff shared with the kitchen staff. The tips that she had so carefully hidden from him. He didn’t know about the clothes she had slowly smuggled to work under her bulky jacket. He didn’t know about all her whispered conversations with Manon. He didn’t know that all those times he left her home alone, she ever so carefully hacked into his computer and bit by bit accumulated all the evidence of his wrongdoing. He didn’t know that even as he was beating her black and blue two years ago when he recaptured her from her last attempt at running away, that she was planning this attempt.

And he most certainly didn’t know that she was now sitting on a bus that was pulling away from this wretched town. 

Elide leaned back as the bus made its way to the highway. She allowed elation to momentarily overflow her and then calmed herself. Yes, she was getting out, _finally_. But this was just the first leg of her journey. She still had hours until she made it to Las Vegas and anything could happen between then and now.

\--

Three weeks in the mountains hadn’t been long enough. Three weeks in the green of Colorado with no people, no service, and especially no _Whitethorns_.

Because unfortunately, ever since his squad mate had gotten married, there were two of them. And they were equally relentless.

Lorcan’s phone buzzed again and he swore viciously. The mother in line in front of him slapped her hands over the ears of her son and shuffled them forward as much as she could while giving him a death glare. Lorcan just smirked at her as he answered his phone.

“Someone better be dead Fenrys.”

“Well, actually…”

Lorcan groaned. “What does the bitch queen want now?”

“You weren’t answering your phone. They were starting to get worried you weren’t coming anymore. So she just wanted me to check.”

“I don’t work for her for...” Lorcan glanced at his watch, “48 more hours. Forgive me if I don’t want to deal with the princess until then.”

Fenrys mumbled something on the other line. “What was that, Moon Moon?”

“There’s no need to be such a dick, Salveterre. Aelin is a good person. And you should be grateful, she basically just handed you a job when Rowan learned you weren’t re-enlisting.”

It was true. Aelin wasn’t really that bad of a person, not that he would ever admit it, and Lorcan would’ve likely been homeless as well as jobless without her, but it didn’t mean he actually had to _like_ her.

“Yeah, working security Fenrys. It’s embarrassing.”

“True, but at least you’re likely to actually live till 80 now.” Lorcan had to admit Fenrys had a point. His lifespan had probably tripled now that he was separating from the military.

“Anyway, you can tell her royal highness and her backstabber of a husband I’ll still be there on Monday. Now unless there is anything else you need, it’s just about my turn to order.”

“Please tell me you’re not eating some disgusting grease fest.”

Lorcan glanced up guiltily at the golden arches above him. “Of course not, what on earth would give you that idea.”

“The fact that I just stopped by your apartment and the only thing you had to eat was whiskey and a drawer full of take-out menus. I stocked your fridge, you’re welcome.”

“Whiskey is a perfectly acceptable food group,” Lorcan deadpanned. The mother in front of him placed her order and then Lorcan was called up. The teenager working the register made some attempt as asking Lorcan to end his phone call, but one look had him cowering.

Fenrys gasped, “I knew it! I knew you were eating that garbage. How you stay in shape is one of life’s great mysteries.”

Lorcan huffed out a laugh. “Mostly through a strict regimen of self-loathing.”

“Ok, well, now that I know you’re alive, I’ll let Rowan know to expect you and yeah, I guess I’ll see you Monday.”

“Alright, Fen, see you Monday.” Lorcan ended the call and shuffled forward to grab his order. 

He settled into an old booth that had definitely seen better days. The original color of the cushions was no longer discernible and the table had a permanent layer of grime on it. The food was half warm and all the grease fest Fenrys feared it would be, but Lorcan had learned long ago food was food. He hunched over his meal and began shoveling fries in his mouth as fast as he could, barely tasting them.

A tray clattered to the ground, sending a resounding crash throughout the restaurant and causing Lorcan startle, nearly sending his half eaten food to the ground. Heart pounding, he surreptitiously glanced around, and when he found his episode drew no suspicious looks, he slowly settled back into his seat.

Lorcan turned back to his food, but found his appetite was gone. Instead, he cleared his tray and unceremoniously dumped his burger in the trash. His hands shook as he pressed open the door to the outside and he felt his breath coming in short. He had just barely made it outside and around the corner, when the waves of panic stared rolling in. 

Lorcan slumped against the wall, his bag falling off his shoulder to the ground, and pressed his fists to his eyes. Gunfire echoed in his ears as he desperately tried to remind himself what was real and what was not. 

He was here, he was here. Not there. _He was here._

Imagines of blinding sun and bloody ground flashed in his mind. His breath came short and fast and his stomach rolled. He could feel the heat of the explosions on his face. Could feel the ground rock under him. His stomach heaved and Lorcan retched his recent meal all over the ground. The smell brought him back for an instant and then he was right back in the desert, sweat on his brow. His had sweated and shook as they grasped his rifle, as the banged down door after door after- **NO**. 

He wasn’t _there_. He was here. _Where was here?_ He grasped onto that, used that. _Here_ was a cool wall. _Here _was the stink of the dumpster next to him. _Here_ was the smell of greasy food. _Here_ was a tinge of the first frost in the air.

Slowly, ever so painfully slow, his mind cleared. His vision stopped spinning. Lorcan leaned his head back against the wall and took deep breaths, trying to slow the racing of his heart. When he finally felt like he was more in control of his faculties, he glanced at his phone. It had been thirty minutes since Fenrys had called._ How much of that had been spent somewhere else?_

Lorcan groaned and pulled himself up from the wall. He needed to get going, he couldn’t linger, couldn’t think on how much of a wreck he was. With heavy steps, Lorcan made his way across the street to the gas station where his Greyhound bus would be picking him up. He didn’t even dwell on the reason he was taking a loud, noisy bus, when a plane ride would be so much faster.

When he arrived, there were still thirty minutes until his bus came and Lorcan’s hands were still shaking and his throat was dry. So he made his way inside and bought the cheapest bottle of liquor he could find. He would have to be drunk if he was going to survive this leg of the journey to Las Vegas.


	2. Chapter 2

The shaking in his hands had nearly stopped by the time the bus pulled up, but half the bottle of liquor was gone as well. Shame burned through Lorcan as he stuffed the bottle into his bag. _Couldn’t even ride a damn bus without a drink. _He slung the bag over his shoulder and pulled himself onto the bus.

Even through the haze of the alcohol, his brain went on high alert, assessing, calculating, determining risk. He couldn’t turn it off. The need to find every exit, to calculate the best routes out of a room, to rate the people around him as threats, memorized their faces, figure out how he would take each and every one of them out. It was never ending and _exhausting._

And even though this was a bus, full of normal people, just going about their travels, he just couldn’t turn it off. Most everyone though was low to no risk. The only suspicious characters on the bus were what looked like a teenager in the back, obviously on the run, and a pair of men near the front with leering eyes and sickly scowls. The way they eyed every female that boarded the bus made his blood boil. But even if both went at him, Lorcan would be able to take them with his eyes closed. No one else stood out to him. They were all normal. Unlike him.

He slumped in a seat a row or two behind the pair of lowlifes, just to be sure they couldn’t cause problems. Before the bus was back on the highway, he was asleep.

When Lorcan opened his eyes they were somewhere in the middle of nowhere on the outskirts of Colorado. The bus was pulling into a run down station that had seen better days. They would be here for nearly an hour before leaving again, since the next stop wouldn’t be until morning, somewhere in Utah. Lorcan tugged his bag out from under his seat, unwilling to leave it behind, and debarked in search of food. His last meal hadn’t stayed in him and now he was wishing he hadn’t drank so much alcohol on a nearly empty stomach.

It wasn’t a large station and was old and decrepit. The lights flickered and it smelled dank and musty. The food options were limited to a few vending machines that likely hadn't been restocked in decades. Lorcan decided not to test his stomach’s limits with whatever dusty chip bags lingered in the machines.

Instead, Lorcan followed the example of his fellow passengers and spread out across the town looking for something open at this hour of the night. He kept an eye out on the two miscreants that had been on the bus, making sure they weren’t up to anything. Unfortunately, the hunger in Lorcan’s stomach distracted him and the duo disappeared down a dark road. He sighed. They weren’t his responsibility. If they weren’t bugging him, then they weren’t_ his problem._

That thought didn’t keep the guilt from pricking his conscience a little. It had been so long since he even felt like he had a conscience.

Eventually, Lorcan found a 24 hour chain fast food joint that was even more run down than the last one he had been to. But food was food. Apparently, most of the rest of his fellow travelers agreed because he recognized at least half of the bus’s occupants could be found here. Even the obvious run away was hunched in a booth in the back. Lorcan shook his head at the sight of him. The kid could be spotted from a mile away.

Dinner was bland and greasy, but it eased the roiling of Lorcan’s stomach. He checked his phone. More messages from the bitch queen and her lackey of a husband. Lorcan swiped them away without even looking at them. He had no patience to deal with that pair yet. The clock flashed across the screen now devoid of notifications, showing that Lorcan still had twenty minutes until he needed to back on the bus. So he gathered up his stuff and slowly made his way back to the station, hoping along the way to find a quiet place he could finish off the drink in his bag. He didn’t know how he’d sleep, how he’d keep the memories at bay without it.

He was nearly back went he heard whimpering and menacing voices down a side road. It was poorly lit but Lorcan had his suspicions as to who could be causing the problem. Sure enough, as he got closer, Lorcan was able to make out the shapes of the two men from the bus. They were crowding a young woman, no _girl_, who was shaking in terror. She huddled against the back wall of a building, trying to escape the looming hands of her assailants. Her stance was lopsided and Lorcan could tell there was something wrong with one of her legs. Likely a local girl, since he hadn’t seen her before. The girl was tiny and lowly and weak.

So, so _weak._

At one point in his life, before the war, Lorcan believed in helping weak things. He believed in helping those around him. But too many times did he see weak people he had saved just get trampled under the boots of the next tyrant. Somewhere along the line, he stopped caring. Or maybe it was the blood that still stained his hands. Or the memories of the things he had done, the things he had been _commanded_ to do, things that kept he from ever sleeping peacefully. Maybe that’s why. Why he stopped caring about the weak things of the world. They needed to learn to fight back.

Lorcan took a half step backwards. It wasn’t what his squadmates would have done. At least those that could still sleep at night. But he had been different. Guilt flooded him at that step and he could almost feel a cruel, red lips smiling at him and his choices. It was the feeling of knowing _she_ would approve that halted him. 

He no longer answered to her.

Before Lorcan could even rescind his backwards step though, the scene in front of him changed. A flash of something hard crossed the girl’s face before the mask of meekness pushed it back down. Her trembling stopped and he saw her hands close into tight fists.

“Please, please don’t h-hurt me! I’ll, I’ll do anything!” Her voice was like velvet, a smooth caress. It belied her obvious cleverness. The inflection and pitch and the tremble in her voice at the perfect moment...if Lorcan hadn’t been so well trained in reading people her never would’ve picked up on it. This girl was good.

“Oh yeah, sweetheart. You do anything.” An oily, sneering voice replied, “And I can promise you, it will hurt.”

The girl’s feet planted themselves firmly, and Lorcan knew what was going to happen before it even occurred.

Faster than Lorcan would’ve thought possible, she sidestepped the reaching, pawing hands of the larger of her two assailants. Then, using her assailant's forward momentum, she grabbed his arm and pulled him even more forward, destabilizing him and crashing him into the brick wall, right where she had been. His skull bashed into the wall, with a sickening crunch, and he went down, unconscious with blood dripping from his nose.

When he realized that somehow the crippled girl had managed to down his companion, the other attacker slipped a switchblade out from a pocket.

“You’re going to pay for that, little girl.”

Real fear trembled across her face and Lorcan knew that was his cue.

“No. I don’t think she will. You on the other hand…” The man turned his blade on Lorcan, but he was already moving, already calculating the moves it would take to down his opponent as quickly and efficiently as possible.

_First, duck sloppy blow. _  
_Second grasp knife hand. Remind self to wash hands afterward. _  
_ Then break wrist and kick dropped knife away.   
Knock out assailant with punch to head._

It took less than four seconds.

Both men were out and on the ground.

Lorcan finally looked at the girl, expecting to find her a blubbering mess. Instead, a face of stone met him.

“I didn’t need any help.”

Lorcan rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I have a couple of minutes, I can walk you home if you live nearby.” He shrugged his fallen bag back onto his shoulder. _So much for finding a place to drink_. At this rate he would be lucky if he made it back to his bus on time. He made his way back down the side street, uncaring if the girl was following him or not.

Uneven footfalls sounded behind him. She spoke, again in that soft, beguiling voice, “I actually don’t live here. I’m on a bus to Las Vegas. I’m just passing through.”

Shock stilled Lorcan. _What?_ He turned to face her and looked at her. Really looked at her. Somehow, impossibly, this girl, this _woman_ had completely evaded his detection. Quickly, in his mind he sifted through all the passengers of his bus. And...there she was. Six rows behind him, left aisle seat. His brain had thought her so little threat that it had completely passed her over.

Oh, how wrong he had been.

He glanced over her, taking in all the details he had missed before. At first he noticed that, well, she was actually very pretty, though she tried to appear otherwise. Wide, dark eyes, full, sensual lips that would feel heavenly between his teeth, and dark, silky hair that had been pulled back and left unbrushed, probably purposefully. Lrocan had to beat down the thought of what that hair would look like sprawled across a pillow beneath him. Her lack of make-up and nondescript clothing had initially made him pass her over, made him think her younger than she was. Made her look ordinary compared to other travelers. But looking closer, he could tell it was all a ruse. She was hiding.

Once he had started looking at her, Lorcan couldn’t stop. And not just her beauty. Details he had missed before jumped out at him, screaming for his attention. The tag still on her backpack, the only thing on her that looked like it had been purchased this decade. The subtle shift of her eyes, always watchful, always aware of her surroundings. The dark marks on her chin that looked far too much like fingerprints.

Oh, how very wrong he had been about her.

He reached out to grab the tag on her backpack, pulled it off and tossed it on the ground.

“You’re running, aren’t you?”  
\---

It felt like ice had filled her veins. Elide stopped dead in her tracks. Her instincts raged at her to explode, to question this stranger who seemed to know too much. But Elide was smarter than that. She knew better than to give too much away.

“What makes you think that?” sh asked, as sweetly as she could muster under the circumstances.

A smirk crossed the face of the hulking brute in front of her. Elide wanted to smack it right off his face. “You’ll find, little one, that I’m not your everyday, common male. I know things. I _see_ things.” His smirk lessened for a moment and Elide supposed this was all the empathy she would receive from him. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

The brute huffed out a long suffering sigh. “In fact, I am prepared to help you. And judging by your most recent encounter, you could use my help.”

Elide glanced over the man, unsure. He could be working for her uncle. He could be in league with the two men in the alleyway behind them. He could just be out for himself and targeted her as easy prey.

She glared up at him. “_No._ No thank you.” She hurried away from him as quickly as her mangled ankle would allow her. But sitting for so long on an uncomfortable bus and then trudging around town had done a number on her ruined limb. She had barely made it halfway down the street when the hulking brute caught back up with her.

“I mean it.” His deep voice sounded behind her, closer than she had expected. Elide turned and found him looming right behind her. “You’re smart, I can see that. You’d have to be, to get this far, nearly, undetected. But you’re scared. I can tell. I can smell the fear on you. And if someone as intelligent as you is as terrified as you are about whoever it is you’re running from, then you really, _really_ could use my help.”

Elide glared up at him. She really, really didn’t need some overgrown gym rat who had watched one too many MMA fights following her around and causing problems. Even if he did cut an intimidating figure.

“No. Thank. You.” Elide enunciated every word, making her point as clear as she possibly could to someone who had obviously lost one too many brain cells to steroids. She turned on her heel to emphasize her point further. Or at least she had attempted to. Her weak, stiff ankle gave out on her and she found herself tumbling to the ground, only to be caught by large, strong arms.

Quicker than a flash, she was standing upright and back on her feet. She couldn’t believe someone with his stature could move that fast. Blinking, she looked at him again. Scars dotted his face and arms and his knuckles were covered with them. Either this man was incredibly clumsy or there was more to him than Elide first thought. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a terrible idea to have him by her side. Plus, her uncle was looking for a female traveling alone, traveling with a companion might throw him off her trail for a little while.

“Why are you so interested in helping me, huh? I was surprised you bothered to even help back there. At first you looked like you were about to turn tail.”

Elide watched the man’s face closely for any sign of emotion, but he was better than even her at hiding what was in his mind. He kept the same, dark look on his face. Nothing broke his facade. “I’m interested in helping because we’re traveling to the same place for the time being and it’s convenient for me. That’s all.”

Elide rolled her eyes. “Fine. You can travel with me.” She started to make her way down the road towards the station again. She glanced back and added, “I’m Asterin, by the way.”

“That’s not your real name, though, is it?”

Surprised again, Elide stopped in her tracks. “No, it’s not.”

The man nodded. “Good. Don’t tell me your real name. I’m Lorcan. And that _is _my real name.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We earn our M rating here. TW for graphic description of violent domestic abuse.

_Crack! _ _White hot agony flooded Elide’s viens. Screams echoed in the room. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Elide knew they belonged to her. But she didn’t remember letting loose that harrowing wail. All she knew was pain. _

_Crack! The once shiny baseball bat, now tarnished with her blood came down on her leg again. _

_Crack! Again. _

_Crack! Again. _

_Bones crumpled and skin tore. Vomit soaked her clothing and she lost control of her bladder, soiling herself. Elide couldn’t bring herself to care. Every moment lasted an eon. An eternity of unbearable, unending pain. Black began to creep into the sides of her vision and Elide’s vision began to swim._

_“No!” a hard slap stung her cheeks, pulling her from the welcoming arms of the abyss of unconsciousness. Elide could barely tell that pain from the rest that tormented her body. “You will stay awake girl. I want you to feel **every** second of this. Feel every moment of agony, so you know how I felt all those years. Watching your parents have everything, while I had nothing!”_

_The bat came down again and something in her leg broke irrevocably. She struggled to look down and when she did, the sight of her mangled leg had her emptying her stomach again. Jagged bone peaked through skin and blood poured from the wound and pooled on the ground. Even through the intense haze of pain, Elide knew that she would never walk the same again._

_Vernon sneered down at her and laughed. “I finally, finally got my revenge though...but you. You tried to take that all away from me girl, when you ran. And now, you’ll never run again.” His cruel laugh sounded through the room._

_Instead of leaving the room, instead of leaving her there to wallow in her own blood and filth like he had in reality, Vernon came closer. His hands closed around her throat, squeezing until Elide’s lungs burned. Aching for breath, her fingers scrambled for purchase against her throat, trying and failing to pull his hands away. Blackness closed in again and the last thing she heard before it took her was her uncle’s menacing voice._

_“If you think that was bad girl, just wait until I find you this time.”_

Elide bolted awake, her breath coming in hard and fast. She could still feel the shattering of her leg, the sting on her cheeks, could still hear those haunting words in her ears. Her hands flew to her throat, trying to chase away the phantom feeling of her world closing in.

A hand reached over and lowered hers. Elide nearly screamed at the contact but a deep voice whispered soothingly, “Shh, quiet. You’re drawing attention to yourself. You aren’t there, look around you. You aren’t there. You’re safe. Breath, just breath.”

Slowly, Elide came back to herself. She took in her surroundings, not quite believing that she was safe. But instead of a dark basement room, she was on a dreary, rain pelted bus speeding down the highway. Instead of the oily sneer of her uncle’s voice, it was the deep timbre of the man who had saved her last night. She wasn’t there, she was here. And she was safe, for now. The tightness in her chest released and Elide could finally breathe deeply.

A bottle was pushed into her hands. “Here, have some of this. It helps to take the edge off.” 

Elide took a swig of the dark liquid and nearly coughed it all back up. The liquor tasted like piss and burned her throat, but Elide managed to push it down.

“How do you drink this swill? It could strip paint off a building,” she coughed out, utterly disgusted.

The man laughed. What was his name again?

Lorcan.

“Too much for you girl?” he gave her a smug grin.

Maybe it was the insinuation that she was weak. Or maybe it was the use of “girl” with the same belittling tone so soon after her memories tormented her. But Elide was not having it. She forcefully shoved the bottle back at him.

“Go to hell,” she bit out and turned determinedly away. If she could have gotten up without causing a scene, she would have.

Uncomfortable silence fell between them. Lorcan spoke after a minute, the derisive tone gone from his voice. “I’m sorry.”

Elide only nodded in reply.

He spoke again after a couple more minutes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nope.”

“Fine.” Lorcan grunted and Elide heard him shift around. She continued to stare resolutely out the window until she heard his breathing even out and sleep take him.

Finally, she turned her head and looked at the man beside her. Elide hadn’t really gotten a close look at him the night before and had been asleep since then. Slowly, she took in his features, trying to determine what kind of man he was by his appearance, storing away useful information for a later date.

His hair was long, but not unkempt. It was cut in a severe crop that brushed his shoulders. A few weeks growth covered his stony jaw, but that was also clean and well kept. So he was neat at least. Scars peppered his handsome but serious face, the worst of which was a three inch gash that cut through his left eyebrow. He had a broad, muscular frame, and even in his sleep he seemed ready to spring into action. That, plus what happened last night indicated he was someone who knew what he was doing in a fight. He shifted and the sleeve of his shirt lifted enough that a squad tattoo peaked out. Military.

A tickle of fear crawled into the back of Elide’s mind. Her uncle had served. Decades ago, but he was still in contact with some of his buddies. He’d even hired some to work the family land with him. If you could call what they did working. What if this was some elaborate con? What if her uncle had found out somehow, and sent Lorcan to gain her trust?

Elide shook the thoughts away. That was giving her uncle too much credit. She glanced at Lorcan on more time before turning back to the window. She wouldn’t admit it to him, but despite how she had acted, she was glad he was traveling her.

So maybe she just wanted to believe he couldn’t be working for her uncle. Maybe she just wanted to believe that something good could happen to her for once.

Whether or not she believed he was working for he uncle, Elide didn’t trust Lorcan just yet. So when they had their final long stop before Las Vegas, Elide opted to wait on the bus instead of getting off. As much as she hoped he was trustworthy, she vowed not to get off the bus until she arrived. Even though her stomach was gnawing with hunger now.

When Lorcan returned, he handed her a bag. It was filled with snacks from the gas station and what looked like make up.

“What’s this for?” she asked, confused holding up the foundation.

“The bruises on your chin. You don’t want people looking too closely.”

Guilt rushed in and Elide swallowed thickly. She had been imagining him dragging her off to her uncle and instead he had gone out of his way to help her. Again.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

-

The bus slowly pulled into Las Vegas and Lorcan nearly sighed in relief. After their little spat, Asterin or whatever her name was had been quiet the last few hours of the trip. He felt bad about it and he had tried, tried to be the kind of person that could deal with other’s emotions, but he knew he fell immeasurably short of that. So instead, he faked sleep. Like a coward.

He had felt her gaze on him. It was all her could do to keep from squirming under her scrutiny. He wondered if she could see straight into his soul. See how dark and bloody it was, all the terrible things he had done. All those things that haunted him, dogged his steps, whispered in his ears. Eventually though, she turned away and he was able to actually fall asleep, the rocking of the bus lulling him into uneasy, fitful rest.

He didn’t know what possessed him to buy her those things. But he had found himself in the convenience store staring at the selection of random things and wishing, somehow he could show her he was more than the blood on his hands and the ghosts in his soul. It had been stupid.

Now that they were in Vegas, Lorcan began to worry. It was a larger station and a hub. He followed Asterin off the bus and into the station, eyeing her limping gait. What would happen to her if they weren’t traveling together? Would she be ok without him? Lorcan was reaching for his phone to call Rowan about delaying starting work for a few more days before he stopped himself. He was being ridiculous. She would be fine without him, wouldn’t she?

All his worries went out the window though as they walked in. Asterin suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him into an alcove, her eyes wide and breath ragged. Something was wrong.

“What?” he whispered, harsher then he intended to.

“Do you see that man? Waiting by the ticket desk?”

Lorcan peaked around the wall and spotted the mad she was referring to. Leaning against the ticket counter with arms crossed and searching eyes, the man couldn’t be more obvious. Lorcan scanned the rest of the terminal. No one else stood out. The man was alone.

“I recognize him. He works for my uncle. He’s looking for me, he has to be. I don’t, I don’t know how though.” Asterin suppressed a tremble of fear, but Lorcan wasn’t fooled. She was terrified. Whoever her uncle was, whatever he had done, he frightened her.

“It doesn’t matter how he found out. He could’ve just guessed where you were going and how. But it doesn’t matter. Right now we need to get you out of here.” Lorcan’s mind sprung into action, formulating and reformulating plan after plan, working to figure out a plan that would get her out safely without causing a scene. He’d never been so grateful for his training in his life.

“Up or down?”

“What?”

“Your hair. Do you typically wear it up or down?”

“Up?” Asterin gave him a puzzled look.

Lorcan pulled her hair out of its ponytail and brushed it out, making some obscured her face without making it look like it was intended to hide her face. In the back of his mind he registered the silky softness of it, but there was no time for that. He needed to get her out of there. Now.

“Put your arm around me. We’re going to walk right by him and we’re going to do it now while there are still other people around us. He’s expecting you to be alone, he won’t be looking at couples.”

Without warning, Lorcan wrapped his arm around Asterin and pulled her to him, taking the bulk of her weight. If he carried her like this, her limp was barely noticeable and she was mostly hidden from view.

Lorcan lead them down the hall, making sure to keep other passengers between them and the man. Heartbeats passed as they walked by the man. Lorcan kept his eyes forward and tried to walk casually. Every breath felt too loud, every step felt too deliberate.

But miraculously, they made it past the man. His eyes slide right over them and on to the next person. Lorcan still didn’t breathe easy though until he had walked Asterin right out the front door and around the corner. He pulled out his phone and began furiously googling.

“I need you to give me a name. Any name but your own, preferably one your uncle will recognize as you. We need to buy you decoy ticket. It likely won’t buy us much time since I’m assuming he knows where you might be headed, but maybe enough to throw him off for awhile.”

“Ok. Use Marion. It was my mother’s name. He’ll recognize it immediately.”

Lorcan nodded and called the bus station, ordering the ticket for the next departing bus. He didn’t even bother to ask where it was going. Hopefully whoever her uncle sent would be too busy looking for Marion to find them.

“Is Vegas your final destination?”

“What?” Asterin gave him a puzzled look.

“There’s a car rental a few blocks away. I’m going to get a car and take you wherever you need to go, even if it means I don’t get where I need to go. You can’t get back on the buses, it’s not safe.”

Asterin shook her head and then replied, “No, I only bought a ticket to Las Vegas. In case he found me out, I didn’t want to give away my final destination. Though guessing by his friend in there, I’m sure he already knows. I’m headed to San Francisco. My cousin lives there.”

Shock stopped him dead in his tracks.

“What?”

“I’m headed to San Francisco. Why? What are you doing Lorcan? We need to get farther away, they could still be looking for me.”

The tone of her voice brought his attention right back to his present situation. He began leading Asterin down the street. It was so unbelievable he nearly laughed.

“Well, the gods are smiling down on you today Asterin. I happen to be going to San Francisco too.”


	4. Chapter 4

Even the open road in front of them and Las Vegas fading fast in the background didn’t ease Lorcan’s mind. He felt like he hadn’t taken a proper breath since Asterin pointed out the man in the station. Every minute was a minute they could be found. Every car that passed them was a danger. Every driver a threat.

Lorcan couldn’t turn his brain off. His mind whirred and whirred, noting the make and model of every car he saw more than once, calculating the distance between them and every other car. If a car stuck with them for too many miles, Lorcan would feel his grip tighten on the wheel as he pulled over to see if they would pass him. After a few breathless moments, they always would. But it didn’t ease the tension in his shoulders or calm the anxious twist of his stomach.

He needed a drink. _Badly._

This was why he never drove.

The silence in the car was driving him mad and served to only heighten the anxiety he felt. The silence seemed to swell, full of unspoken things, of questions unasked.

Once the adrenaline from their close encounter at the bus depot wore off, resentment began boiling up in Lorcan. He ground his teeth in frustration. He should’ve never gotten involved with the girl. Helping people with their problems only got you more tangled up in them. And Lorcan was truly tangled up in Asterin’s problems now.

_Who was she?_ Lorcan glanced at her and regretted it immediately. Just looking at her made his blood boil.

He had known she wasn’t who she said she was. Had known what he was getting into. Or a least thought he did. But somehow he’s gotten himself embroiled in more than just a case of a simple runaway.

Lorcan glanced at Asterin and was suddenly struck by how poorly the name fit her. It seemed too big for her fine boned features and small frame. Another reminder of the mess he was in. Asterin looking out the window, her face pensive and her eyes glazed over and unseeing. One arm was wrapped around her waist, while her head was propped up on the other.

Just looking at her frustrated him.

“I think you owe me some answers,” he ground out.

Asterin ignored him and continued looking out the window. Maybe Lorcan was being insensitive, she had after all just narrowly avoided being retaken by whoever she was running from, but he honestly didn’t care. This had gone on long enough.

“Who are you? Who are you running from? Not many people have the resources to track down someone down like that. What aren’t you telling me?”

Silence.

“Look, I’m sticking my neck out for you. I saved you back there. The least you could do is let me know I’m not going to get arrested or something. What the hell is going on?” Lorcan’s voice rose and the last words came out harsher than he intended them too.

“Get off the highway.” Asterin spoke in a small voice, but deathly calm.

“What?”

“Are you deaf as well as stupid? I said get off the highway. I have to take a piss.”

Apparently, they would be ignoring what Lorcan said.

Lorcan ground out a terse, “Fine,” and then pulled off at the next exit. He parked the car outside a rundown gas station that had seen better years. He didn’t care. The brat could pee on the side of the road for all he cared.

“I’ll wait here.” A slammed door was all the response Asterin gave him.

Lorcan slumped back in his chair. He was being too harsh. He was always too harsh, as many people had informed him before. Lorcan Salvaterre, Asshole. That was him. Cruel. Vicious. Callous. Soulless. Unlovable. He had done terrible things and not thought twice about them. He was scum. And he knew it.

Asterin’s slim figure disappeared inside and Lorcan groaned in frustration, running his hands over his face. He would have to apologize when she returned. He had agreed to help her. And help her he would, not matter what mess she was in. Because she was in trouble, serious trouble, if the man at the station was any indication. 

And maybe by helping her, he could redeem himself a small bit.

To distract himself from his dark thoughts, Lorcan reached for his phone. He hadn’t looked at his messages in some time. There were a few from his least favorite couple and a couple from Fenrys. He ignored most of them and only replied to Fenrys’ most recent message.

_Are you dead in a ditch somewhere? I hope not, cause it would be very inconvenient for me._

Lorcan bit down a grin and sent a reply back

_Unfortunately, I’m still kicking_

_Wonderful. When do you get in?_

It was late afternoon now. And they still had about six hours to go till San Francisco. Even with minimal stops, it would be late when they got in.

_Late. But don’t worry. I’ll be bright-eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow for work._

_Lorcan Salveterre? Bright eyed? That’ll be a sight._

Lorcan gave a dark chuckle. Those words had probably never described him in his life. But he would be functioning. It would do.

He pocketed his phone and looked up at the gas station. _How long did it take for a girl to pee?_

Dread filled his stomach. Lorcan dashed from the car and inside. He thundered down every aisle and kicked in both stalls in the women’s restroom, headless for the shrieks from their occupants.

Asterin was _gone._

Blood thundered in his ears. _Where was she? Did her uncle get her? He would’ve noticed that right? Wouldn’t he?_

Heart pounding, Lorcan pounded back to the car. Wherever she was, she couldn’t have gotten too far. He fumbled with the keys, nearly dropping them as he tried to start the car. Finally, the engine turned over, and he was able to peel out of the parking lot and speed down the road.

Half a mile from the station, he spotted her on the side of the road. Lorcan breathed easy for the first time since he noticed her gone. He jerked the car over, pulling to a stop right in front of her, forcing Asterin to stop walking.

“Get in the car,” he spoke harsher then he meant to out the open window.

“Like hell.” Asterin refused to look at him, her arms crossed below her breasts that had been previously hidden by her ill fitting clothing. Oh this was so _not _the time to be noticing that.

“Please?” Lorcan tried to prevent the frustration from eeking out into his voice.

Asterin finally looked at him, her gaze icy. “You know, I’m not really into being yelled at again. So I think I’ll make me own way from here on out. So thank you for your assistance so far, but I suggest this is where we part ways.”

“And what? You’ll walk the rest of the way? It’ll take you ages! Your uncle while definitely find you here. On the side of the road. Of a major highway. Just get in the car.”

“No.”

Lorcan sighed. “Look, I was out of line. I know. I’m sorry. I told you I would get you to San Francisco and that’s what I’m going to do. Please, just get in the car. I won’t even speak to you, if that’s what you want.”

He could see her resistance crumble.

“Fine.”  
\--

Elide still hadn’t said a word to Lorcan. The bastard.

“So you’re really going to not talk to me?”

Elide glared at him in response.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Lorcan sighed. “I really didn’t mean to be a dick.”

That had been their last conversation. Hours ago. Elide’s stubbornness and anger had won out over every other need to speak she had had. And now, even though her stomach gnawed with hunger, (When was the last time she had eaten?) Elide refused to speak to Lorcan. He didn’t deserve her words. And she really, really didn’t want to have to talk to him again as long as she lived.

It was well into the evening now, the twinkling lights of the stars as they started to pop out and lights of the highway the only things for miles. Elide felt as if they were the only two people in the whole world. So lost in her thoughts was she, that Elide completely missed the car pulling off of the highway and back into civilization. They pulled into a restaurant parking lot, not a nice one, but still nicer than she could afford, and Lorcan turned off the engine.

“Come on,” he said as he stepped from the car. “I could hear your stomach growling for the last fifty miles. My treat.”

Elide only nodded, too hungry to protest.

The restaurant was one of those 24 hour diners that seemed to constantly smell of coffee and grease. Lorcan chose a booth in the corner that allowed them a good view of the entrance but with enough other booths between them and the door that they wouldn’t be immediately noticed. Elide had to bite back a question. She knew he was military, but she hadn’t thought of him as being capable of more that knocking people around. Apparently, she had been wrong.

They sat in stony silence, looking over their menus. Elide kept quiet until it was her turn to order, figuring it would be rude to just point out what she wanted on the menu. When the waitress left, Elide spared a glance at Lorcan, who was giving her a humorless smirk.

“I’m glad you didn’t lose your voice.”

Elide glared at him, but admitted defeat. She wouldn’t be able to stay quiet the entire drive.

“You said I didn’t have to speak.”

“Well, I guess I didn’t think you would take me literally.”

Elide rolled her eyes in response. Awkward silence hung over the table. After awhile, Lorcan spoke again.

“I am sorry.”

Elide sighed and twisted her napkin in her hands. “I suppose you had every right to be suspicious. I’m not like, in trouble with the law or a spy or anything crazy. My family has...or I guess..._had_ a lot of resources. My uncle, he just...desperately wants me back.”

Lorcan looked her in the eye, his gaze piercing her deeply. “He’s the one that gave you those bruises, isn’t he?”

Elide nodded and Lorcan’s face turned feral. Before he could speak again, their food was delivered. Heavy silence descended upon them again as they dug into their food. It was warm and greasy, somewhat bland, but filling. Elide didn’t think they would speak again, but as they were wrapping up their meal, Lorcan spoke, his voice low and sharp, like a knife in the dark.

“I’ll kill him. If I ever see him. I wouldn’t mind. I’ve killed people before. Many I’ve regretted. But a man who lays his hands on those in his care...I would have no regrets ending him.”

Shock stopped Elide from responding. As they made their way back to the car and on the highway again, she kept quiet. She knew he was military, she knew it was likely that he had killed. It came with the territory. But to speak about it the way he had...Lorcan was hiding as much as she was.

Elide went back in her mind, went over every interaction they had. In the alley he had taken out that man in a blink and had moved to catch her with nearly inhuman speed. He was preceptive, calculating. She swore she could almost hear his brain thinking sometimes, sifting through every scenario and every outcome. And in Las Vegas… he had handled that situation as if he had done it a thousand times. Whoever Lorcan was...he wasn’t just a common soldier.

“Who are you?” Elide whispered.

Lorcan gave a dark chuckle, “Shouldn’t that have been something you asked before you got in the car with me?”

Elide gaped at him. But despite his words, she felt no malice, no ill will towards her person. Somewhere, deep inside her, she knew Lorcan meant her no harm.

Just when Elide had resigned herself to a quiet drive, Lorcan spoke again. “I’m no one. I was born no one. Not a soul cared about me. I had no options out of high school. It was either jail or the military. I took what I thought was the lesser evil. I was good at it. War. Death. I thought I had found somewhere I belonged. I was honed into a weapon. A tool to be wielded. But the cost was my soul. When I could no longer outrun the wave of death I would leave in my wake, I left. So now I am no one again. A weapon with no master, a soldier with no orders...a man with no purpose.”

His voice trailed off at the end, growing eerily soft. Elide didn’t know what to say. If there was anything to say. What Lorcan had shared with her, the glimpse into his soul he had given her...Elide didn’t know what to do with it. She had no words of reassurance, no balm to soothe the wounds in him that ran deeper than her own. So she remained silent.

Silence reigned for the last hour of the trip. Elide’s thoughts were mostly about the man in the set next to her and what he had shared. She could hardly believe that meare hours earlier they had been fighting with each other. But now...she almost liked him.

Signs for San Francisco began appearing. They were reaching the end of their journey. Somehow, impossibly so, Elide had made it.

At long last, Lorcan spoke again. “Where am I taking you?”

“Take me to Fisherman’s Wharf. My cousin will meet me there.” It was a lie, but Elide couldn’t trust Lorcan with who her cousin was. It was too risky.

He glanced as her, concern flitting across his face. “Are you sure? Its late. Cities at night....” he trailed off, his point clear.

“I can handle myself. And I won’t be waiting long. Plus the Wharf is a busy area, I can blend in. You don’t need to worry.”

Lorcan sighed in agreement. Elide could tell he wasn’t thrilled about the idea, but if he protested, he would find how stubborn she could be when she wanted to.

Before long they were pulling up to the neon lit pier. Though it was near closing time for many of the businesses, plenty of people bustled around. Lorcan found a quieter place to park and turned off the engine.

“Are you sure about this?”

Elide smiled at him. Somehow, the brute hadn’t been the worst traveling companion. She might even miss him. “Yes. I’ll be fine.”

Lorcan sighed. “At least take my number, so if you run into trouble, you can contact me.”

Elide nodded and accepted his number. Unwilling to leave just yet, she turned to him, “Thank you Lorcan. For getting me here. I wouldn’t have made it without you.” She gathered her things and made to leave.

“You would have. I have no doubt. Good luck Asterin” Lorcan gave her a look that could have almost been a smile. One last parting gift.

Maybe it was because of that. Or maybe because of what he had shared earlier, but Elide found herself sharing a piece of herself back to him.

“Elide. My name is Elide.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Miss, I’m sorry. I cannot allow you in the building without an appointment.”

Elide wanted to cry and scream and rage at the guard. She hadn’t slept a full nights sleep in days, hadn’t showered in longer, couldn’t remember the last time she had seen a toothbrush, and had been through too much in the last few days just to be stopped now. So close. She was so close. But this man, this idiotic man who looked entirely too young and slim to be anywhere close to effective as a security guard was thwarting her. So close.

It didn’t help that it had been a long night. She had regretted not telling Lorcan the truth almost immediately, but it was what it was. Instead she found an abandoned park bench near the Wharf to catch a few hours of sleep. Not that she had gotten much sleep. Too exposed and too vulnerable, Elide hadn’t been able to fully rest. Some time in early gray of the morning an officer had harshly pushed her awake, assuming her to be another vagrant, and told her to move along. Exhaustion had brought her close to tears at the man’s incivility. 

Gods, she was so tired.

“Please, is there someway I can talk to someone? Please? I swear to you I mean no one any trouble, I just have to get inside.”

The guard huffed at her and gave her a look so condescending that it made her want to punch him. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’m going to have you ask you to be on your way now Miss.”

Elide sighed. In one last, desperate push to get indoors, she told him the truth. “Aelin Galathynius is my cousin. I have traveled across the country to get here. I _have_ to see her. Please let me in.”

It wasn’t something she talked about often. Aelin and her parents had supposedly died decades ago in a plane crash, leaving the world shocked. But seven years ago, nineteen year old Aelin popped up halfway across the world, having lived under an assumed name. Aelin took back her company and proved herself to be one of the most brilliant business leaders of the century. The world was obsessed with her. So much so she had flown halfway around the world to get married without the prying eyes of the media. Whether is was true or not, claiming to be the cousin of a wealthy heiress and president of one of the largest tech companies in the world got you the wrong kind of attention, the kind Elide didn’t need right now.

The man gave her an exasperated look. “Miss, I get a dozen people a day claiming to be some long lost relative of Ms. Galathynius. And the entire lot of you are insane. Now, I am not going to repeat myself. I have asked you to vacate the property, if you do not, I will be forced to remove you physically.”

The fire in Elide’s soul went out. All the fight in her extinguished. She was so tired and so close, but she just couldn’t go _any further_. 

She had fought so hard and done so much to make it only to be turned away at the door? It took everything in her not to collapse to the ground in tears. She was too exhausted to go on. Instead, she pulled her bag closer to her and turned to walk down the street. She needed food and sleep and to come up with a new plan of action.

As she turned from the building, utterly defeated and fighting back angry, hot tears, Elide bumped into a passing businessman. It was her fault, she supposed, too distracted to even care. But she couldn’t help but drink him in. Tall and broad shouldered, wearing a crisp black suit, his dark hair pulled back into a bun, neat and severe. His stubble gone showing off his strong jaw. Every inch looking poised to kill and yet looking every inch the miracle Elide needed.

Lorcan.

He gaped at her. “Elide? What are you doing here?”

\--

When Lorcan had returned home after dropping Elide off the night before, his apartment had felt cold and empty. Really, it always felt that way. He had no decorations, the bare bone essentials for furniture, not even a second chair for his table. Years in the military taught him to get by on very little, and the one bedroom apartment was really just a place to crash between deployments. He had never minded the emptiness, until he walked in the door and there was no one to greet him. Something about spending the weekend never apart from one person triggered in him the need for human connection. It was a weakness he fully intended to stamp out.

Lorcan tried to push her out of his mind, tried to forget how soft and vulnerable she had looked when she told him her name, when she had given him that gift with no thought for herself. 

_Elide._

It was a beautiful name, one that fit her. One that enhanced her, gave him a better idea of who she was.

He tried to forget her because he knew she had walked out of his life for good. Helping her had been a small redemption for a soul as ruined as his. And thinking of her longer would just sully the memory he had of her.

It was too late to drink himself to sleep, when he got home. So he knew the dreams would come. It would be a mercy to himself not to think of someone a pure as her any longer. He couldn’t bear seeing her in his dreams amongst the death and blood and gore that haunted him.

But come the dreams did. And despite all his efforts, Elide played a major role in every dream. There, her body twisted and broken, shattered by an IED. There, her body riddled with bullet holes. There, her face full of terror as he approached her, gun in had.

The buzzing of his alarm had been salvation. The whiskey in his coffee not enough to stop the shake of his hands.

And seeing her now at his work, it was nearly too for him to comprehend. She looked...well, terrible. Bags under her eyes and silky hair tangled and matted, as if what little sleep she had managed was fitful and unhelpful. And for the first time since he had met her, tears pricked her eyes. Something had either gone terribly wrong or she had lied to him about her cousin.

It didn’t matter though. He would find out what happened later. Lorcan pulled Elide gently away from the security guard, and shot the overgrown child a hard look. Apparently they hadn’t been joking when Aelin and Rowan told him they desperately needed security help.

“What’s going on? Why didn’t you meet with your cousin?” Lorcan tried to speak in a calming voice, but his words came out harsher than he intended. Tears began falling from Elide’s face and Lorcan found himself willingly doing something he had adamantly refused to do in his life before now. He slipped his arms around her and pulled Elide into a tight hug. She grasped his shirt and cried and cried.

“Uh...shh, there. It’s going to be alright.” Lorcan had never felt so awkward in his entire life. After a couple of moments Elide seemed to calm down and pulled away, drying her eyes.

“Elide,” he tried again to speak calmly, though a thousand questions threatened to burst through, “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

She sighed. “I need to get into this building. I have to. But this idiot won’t even listen to me. Even if I could just get him to talk to someone inside, I’m sure we could get this mess all cleaned up.”

“Ok, but why this particular building? What happened to meeting up with your cousin?” Lorcan forced down his annoyance. She wasn’t making any sense.

Elide gave an exasperated huff. “Lorcan, Aelin Galathynius is my cousin.”

Lorcan’s jaw dropped so low he was surprised it didn’t hit the ground.

Elide was Aelin’s cousin.

Unbidden, a memory from his last leave before his final deployment, flooded his mind.

I_t was Christmas time. Rowan and his squadmates and a bunch of Aelin’s friends were all gathered at Aelin’s penthouse apartment. Lorcan had mostly spent the party lurking in the kitchen, trying to avoid the happy couple and their job offers._

_Unfortunately that meant he drank far more punch than he intended to and desperately needed to find a restroom. As he wandered the halls, he heard hushed voices coming from one of the bedrooms. He was about to beat a hasty retreat, wary of any further badgering about work, when he heard the most unlikely of sounds to come from the lips of Aelin Galathynius. _

_A sob._

_“The lawyers said I can’t do anything. Somehow he got the courts to award him guardianship. He had to of paid someone off. I just know this a grab for the land. But whatever happened, Vernon is allowed to control her as he pleases. And if we go in and try and take her, it would be considered kidnapping, even though she’s an adult now. He won’t even let me speak to her.” _

_Lorcan could hear Aelin cry again and Rowan soothe her. “It’s alright, Fireheart. We’re going to get Elide, by any means. It’s just going to take time. For now, we’ll continue contesting guardianship until we can figure something else out. But for now, we have guests...”_

_Lorcan backed away, not wanting to be caught._

Somehow, Lorcan had thought the Elide that Aelin had been referring to would be a mini Aelin. He had never expected, well, Elide.

His mind spun. “You’re Aelin’s cousin?” Gods, so much made sense now.

“Yes! And I need to get in to see her!”

Lorcan smiled. “Well, luckily for you, I work here. I’ll get you in.”

But they didn’t make it past the security as the door.

The scrawny kid took one look at Elide and crossed his arms. “She’s not allowed in.”

Lorcan held out the employee badge Fenrys left for him and glared at the guard and got a thrill of satisfaction when he obviously quaked. “I work here and she’s with me. Let her in.

But despite his obvious terror, the kid didn’t back down. “Look, sir, this woman is obviously deranged, and while yes, you have an employee badge, I have never seen you before. I can allow you in, but you will need to get someone from inside to corroborate this woman’s story before I’m allowed to let her in. The Galathyniuses take security very seriously.”

Lorcan gritted his teeth. It was all he could do not to pummel the man. “I know they do,” he ground out. “That’s why they hired me. And once I get back, you and I are going to have a word.”

As loathe as he was to leave Elide so exposed, Lorcan realized there was nothing he could do but get Rowan or Fenrys to help them out.

He pulled some cash out of his pocket and handed it to Elide. “Look, this idiot doesn’t know what’s good for him. I’m going to have to go inside and find your cousin. I’m sorry. This will be over soon. I promise. In the meantime, get yourself so food.”

Elide glared at him and attempted to push the money back into his hands. “No, I’ll wait here. I’m not leaving until I can see Aelin.”

Lorcan stepped closer, so that no passerby could hear him. “Elide. You’re exposed here and at a location your uncle is sure to check if he thinks to come to San Francisco. Please. Go inside somewhere. Stay out of sight. There’s a cafe across the street. Wait there until I come back.”

Elide nodded in understanding and turned to cross the road. Lorcan waitied until she was safely inside before marching inside the building, completely ignoring the guard at the door. Fenrys wasn’t at the front desk waiting for him like he said he would be, because of course he wasn’t. It was Fenrys afterall. 

Lorcan pounded through the building, ignoring the protests of the secretary at the front desk, heedless of the disruption he was causing. Of all the times for Fenrys to be Fenrys. Up the flight of stairs he went, taking three at a time, his heavy footfalls shaking the staircase. Down hallways he thundered, and still no Fenrys. He repeated this on floor after floor, with no sign of his friend.

_Where was he? How long had he been searching? How long had it been since he left Elide? Twenty minutes? Thirty?_ Lorcan’s stomach twisted with anxiety. She shouldn’t be left alone in the open for so long.

Lorcan was breathing hard and pissed as hell when he arrived on what appeared to be the executive floor. And there, finally was the shock of golden hair against dark skin that Lorcan had been looking for. Fenrys was leaned over a desk, flirting with a green eyed beauty that was vaguely familiar, but Lorcan didn’t have time to remember her name.

“Fen! Where the hell have you been?”

Fenrys turned and gave Lorcan his signature not so abashed smirk. “Lorcan, glad you finally showed up. Should we get started on your orientation? I can’t tell how great it is to be training the high and mighty Lorcan Sal-”

“Cut the crap Fen. I need to speak to Aelin. Now.”

Still not comprehending, Fenrys chuckled. “What? Ready to quit al-”

Lorcan cut across him again. “It’s about Elide.”

Fenrys’ face went pale and the woman at the desk gasped. Lysandra. That was her name. “What? How do you know about her?”

Lorcan growled in frustration. “It doesn’t matter Fen, but she’s in trouble and I have to talk to Aelin.”

The woman spoke up. “I don’t know where Aelin is right now, but I can bring you to Rowan.”

Lorcan nodded his consent and they hurried down the hall to a large, modern office. Rowan was hunched over some paperwork. He looked up when they entered, smiling at first but then his face grew serious as he took in the trio’s grave faces.

“What’s wrong?”

Lorcan answered. “Elide is here. She traveled with me from Colorado. I had no idea who she was until this morning, she’s been trying to get into see Aelin but the guard at the door won’t let her in and he wouldn’t take my word either. Her uncle is after her and she’s just waiting outside, exposed.”

Rowan bolted out of his seat, never one to sit around when there was trouble, and was halfway across the room when he spoke. “We’ll get Aelin and then we’ll find Elide. I don’t care if she’s in a meeting, there is nothing more important than Elide right now.”

He lead them down the hall to another office, larger and grander than his own and very obviously Aelin’s. “Fen and Lys, wait here, Lorcan and I will get her.” Rowan knocked and then let himself in, indicating to Lorcan to follow.

“Aelin, Lorcan is here and-”

A group of men were standing, clustered around one sitting across from Aelin. They turned as in unison to look at the intruders. Lorcan’s focus zeroed in on the seated one and his stomach plummeted. The resemblance was thin, but it was there, in the color of his hair and eyes, though they lacked Elide’s clever light. Her uncle.

Rowan recovered quickly, “-and I can see I’m interrupting. My apologies, I didn’t realize you were meeting with someone.”

Elide’s uncle sneered. “I can’t imagine how your company functions, Aelin, if your husband is such a bumbling fool.”

A cold, hard look came across Aelin’s face. “Well Vernon, I do not typically have meetings during this hour as I devote it to engaging with my employees. You are the one intruding on our day here.” Aelin met Rowan’s eye and some unspoken communication seemed to passed between them. Color faded from Aelin’s face, the only indication that she recognized the seriousness of the situation they were in. 

When she spoke again, it was in her diplomat voice, one Lorcan recognized from whenever she had no choice but to deal with someone she detested. “But, since you are here, I will have to meet with the newest member of my security team later.” 

She nodded at Lorcan and then turned to her husband. “Rowan, this is Vernon Lochan, the uncle to my cousin Elide. Apparently, she’s gone missing and he suspects us even though I haven’t spoken to her since I was ten. Please help me to convince him we had nothing to do with this.

Rowan gave Lorcan a weighty look. “Lorcan, we’ll have to finish this up later. Why don’t you head downstairs and see what work they can find for you.”

Lorcan nodded, the meaning clear to him. He turned from the room as quickly as he could without raising suspicions. Fenrys and Lysandra were waiting for him, concern evident across their faces. Lorcan lead them down the hall, out of earshot of the room, wary of any men that could be with Elide’s uncle.

“He’s here, her uncle. Rowan wants me to go and find her. We have to get her away from here. But Fen, the guard at the door, he’s seen her, he’s spoken to her.”

Fenrys swore. “I’ll talk to him. He’s not our best, but he’s loyal, he’ll keep his mouth shut.”

Lorcan turned to the woman. “Lysandra, you need to stay here, keep Vernon from getting suspicious. Try to keep him in the building. Buy me time to find Elide and get her away from here.”

Lorcan took off, not bothering to see if Lysandra agreed or not. It didn’t matter. Even if they could keep Vernon in the building, Lorcan was on the clock. He wouldn’t put it past Vernon to have men stationed in the building or around it, looking for Elide. Lorcan needed to be the one to find Elide and her needed to find her _now._

Faster than he had come up, Lorcan sped down the stairs. It felt as if his heart was ticking away the seconds Elide had left. 

_He had to find her, he had to find her._

Soon Lorcan was out in the blinding sun. He was grateful to find there was a new guard at the front door, but his stomach plummeted when he saw the men milling about, one of whom was the man from the bus depot in Las Vegas. Lorcan needed to find Elide. Oh gods, he _had_ to find her.

Trying to appear nonchalant, like just a normal employee out for a quick bite, Lorcan stuck his hands in his pockets and forced himself to walk casually across the road. His heart was thundering in his ears, so loud he was sure it would give him away. But he was able to cross the road, without anyone following him.

He entered the cafe he had watched Elide enter. It was quiet and small, and not many patrons were inside. It took him seconds to scan the entire room. Lorcan felt his stomach bottom out. Elide wasn’t here. 

_Elide was gone._


	6. Chapter 6

Lorcan dashed back outside, not caring what scene had caused. He had to find her, he _had_ to find her. The sight that greeted him only served to heighten his anxieties. Vernon’s men were gone too. Either they had somehow figured it out or they had been tipped off, but they knew. Somehow they knew Elide was here, in the city. For the first time in a very long time, Lorcan felt real fear.

Lorcan had to find her first.

_Think, think, think_.

Lorcan closed his eyes so he could focus.

When he had walked into the cafe, the men were still waiting there. They wouldn’t have been doing that if they had Elide. Good. Which meant as of a couple of seconds ago, they didn’t know where she was. So either they moved from their positions because they had been ordered to, or they had seen her. There was a third possibility, the possibility that they already had her, but Lorcan chose not to believe it. They couldn’t, they just c_ouldn’t _have her.

Lorcan shook his head. There was no use speculating. He refused to believe she had been caught. Elide was smart. She read people. She knew how to blend it. These men, they expected her to behave a certain way…but she wouldn’t.

_So then, what would Elide do?_ Lorcan thought to himself.

_She would hide herself in plain sight._

Lorcan opened his eyes. He knew what to do.

He glanced down the street, one way would lead him deeper into town, the other further. Elide would’ve gone more in town. More people, easier to hide herself. Lorcan began running that way, his mind whirring, trying to put himself in her shoes.

Elide wouldn’t have taken a bus or put herself in any small enclosed space. Too risky, not enough exits. She would’ve found a large crowd and tried to blend in. Until she could get help, or until she found a safer way out of the city.

Lorcan pulled out his phone as he ran down the street. No messages. He didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

He kept moving, he _had _to keep moving. Not moving meant Elide got farther away, meant it was more and more likely _he_ wouldn’t be the one to find her. Lorcan couldn’t bring himself to think of the possibility.

_Where could she be?_

The sounds of a large crowd stopped Lorcan in his tracks. He turned and felt a flutter of hope for the first time since he noticed Elide missing. People were gathering down the street in front of some large office tower for what looked like a protest. The crowd was spilling out into the street and the mass of bodies looked thick and impenetrable. Elide would have gone there. Lorcan could feel it.

As he got closer, the crowd grew thicker, the sound louder. Soon Lorcan was being pushed around as much as he was pushing through. He growled and shoved his way over to the sidewalk, hoping for a better perspective. He passed fire hydrant and stopped cold. A familiar looking jacket was draped over it. The sleeves were a little torn, but other than that, it was identical.

The last time he had seen this jacket, Elide was wearing it.

Lorcan picked it up. He knew she had left it there. To change her appearance, even just slightly. Which meant she was afraid she had been spotted. But leaving it draped there…she left it for him to find. To tell him where she had gone.

She was close. She wanted him to find her.

Lorcan began scanning the crowd in earnest. Every moment he couldn’t find her was a moment someone else could. Every second, brought Vernon closer and closer to getting his hands back on Elide. Lorcan wouldn’t let him. Couldn’t let him. Lorcan could feel his heart in his throat and it was hard to swallow. He had to find her, he _had to_.

There. A small dip in the crowd. Dark hair that had become so familiar to him.

He pushed his way forward, praying to gods he didn’t believe in. It felt like eons that he was pushing his way through that crowd for, time making a fool of him. But finally he was close enough to take her in. She looked mostly unharmed, a few scrapes on her arms, but nothing serious. She was okay.

“Elide,” Lorcan leaned down and whispered in her, hoping not to startle her. She jumped and turned and then surprisingly, flung her arms around his neck.

“Lorcan! I didn’t know if you would find me.” She sounded breathless and the feel of her body against his was unlike anything Lorcan had ever felt. He found himself wrapping his arms her, relieved to have found her. For that small instant, he couldn’t help but marvel at how right it all felt, to be holding her tightly against his body, feeling her heartbeat race against his skin in tune with his own.

“I’ll always find you Elide.” he whispered back, trying to help her to understand how truly he meant those words.

The moment shattered. Over her dark hair, Lorcan spotted figures on the other side of the street, moving with determination. Vernon’s men were here. Lorcan gently put Elide down. He counted them. Five. They had no time to rest. They had to move. Lorcan began formulating a plan.

“We have to go. _Now_.” Not giving her time for a reply, Lorcan grabbed Elide’s hand and led her through the crowd. He pulled her through to the most dense part of the crowd, trying to keep the mass of bodies between them and Vernon’s men. When he was satisfied that they couldn’t be seen, he pulled Elide close to him, leaning down to speak in her ear as they continued pushing through the crowd.

“I counted five men on the west side. We’re going to push through the crowd to the upper east side, and try and catch a cab. We have to get you as far away from here as we can.”

Elide nodded, her face wane and pale. _How long had it been since she had been able to rest?_ Lorcan shook his head. She wouldn’t be able to rest again if he didn’t get them out of there now. He wound his fingers through hers and pulled her through the crowd once more.

Minutes later, they reached the other side. Lorcan kept expecting to feel the weight of heavy hands on his shoulders, to feel the tug of Elide being ripped away from him. But miraculously, they made it through the crowd, relatively unscathed.

Lorcan glanced behind them. Three of the men were making their way through the crowd, all going in different directions. Two were still positioned on the far side. He sighed in relief. They hadn’t been spotted. But that didn’t mean they were in the clear yet. Now that they were free of the protestors, they were exposed again. It would take just one wayward glance for them to be found.

Without pausing, Lorcan began moving them down side streets, trying to put distance between them and the crowds. He ducked low, trying to keep his large frame from drawing attention and when he could, he kept other bodies between them and the open air. Street after street they walked, every now and then they backtracked, hoping to shake anyone who could be tailing them. Lorcan no longer knew where they were, but every step they took them further from the men looking for Elide. He breathed easier with every turn they took.

“Did we lose them?” Elide must have finally felt safe enough to speak, her voice steadier than it had been earlier.

“I think so. We’re probably far enough away we can grab a taxi. Traveling by foot is too risky right now.” Elide nodded in response, too exhausted to speak more.

Lorcan finally stopped moving. He reached out and hailed a taxi. As they were waiting for the cabbie to pull up, Lorcan realized he was still holding Elide’s small, soft hand in his own. He hastily dropped it and muttered a hurried apology.

“It’s alright.” Elide gave him a soft smile as he held the door open for her “Thank you. For finding me. And getting me out of there.”

Lorcan slid into the seat next to her, his long legs invading her space. There was nothing he could do about it though, cabs were not made for people of his stature. He gave the cabbie the first address he could think of and then breathed easy for the first time since he saw that Elide was missing.  
‘  
They had made it. Somehow. Remarkably, they had made it.

“Where are we going?” Elide asked.

“My place.”

–

Elide supposed it was the surreality of the situation that did it. One moment she was running for her life, blood coursing with adrenaline and the next she was riding in a cab, squished against Lorcan’s massive legs to a place she didn’t know.

Everything she had put off feeling since she walked out of the restaurant and onto a bus rushed in on her. Exhaustion. Stress. Fear. Hysterical Joy. Apprehension. Fatigue. Anger. Terror. They crashed over her like a wave. Her hands began to shake and then the tremors spread to her entire body. They had been _so close_ to being caught. Vernon’s rats had been right there and rutting hell they had been _so close_.

Like they had on the bus, Lorcan’s large hands covered her own in comfort. The tremors slowed but didn’t go completely away.

“We’re almost there,” Lorcan spoke softly to her, gently as if she might break if he said the wrong thing. Somewhere in the back of her mind where rational thoughts still existed, Elide supposed that might be true. Nausea roiled in Elide’s stomach and her chest felt like it was being squeezed in a vice like grip. Every breath was a struggle and her head spun.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” she whispered.

“It’s shock. Just hold on a little longer. It will soon pass.” Concern etched Lorcan’s usually stoic face as her looked at her. His grip on her hand tightened and he urged the cabbie on faster.

The drive was blessedly quick. Before too long they were being dropped off in front of a beige building in a not bad but also not good part of town. Lorcan slipped his arm around Elide’s waist and helped her up the stairs, though she hardly noticed. She couldn’t remember the walk up the stairs or Lorcan unlocking the door to his apartment, though surely he must have, because when Elide could finally blink away the fog in her mind, she was standing alone in the middle of a nearly empty apartment. It was as beige as the outside and looked as if no one lived there.

Yet somehow it felt more like a home than the one she had been living in with her uncle.

The thought broke the dam on the flood of emotions she was just barely holding back. Tears fell freely as she sobbed.

“Hey, hey,” Lorcan had reappeared, presumably from a bedroom. He sat down the bundle of clothes in his hands and pulled Elide into a tight embrace. He awkwardly patted her head, clearly unused to uncontrollable displays of emotions, but Elide didn’t care. Just having someone to hold her was a luxury she had been without for too many years. Unashamedly, she soaked his shirt with her tears, pouring out every ounce of fear and hurt that she had finally, finally escaped.

The last few days had been harrowing, she had nearly not made it multiple times and she was tired and hungry, but she was free. Finally, free.

So why couldn’t she stop crying?

When some semblance of calm came over her, Elide pushed words past her sudderning sobs. “I think I’ve ruined you shirt.”

Lorcan chuckled, the deep sound reverberated throughout her body, helping to ease the tension in her soul. “I wasn’t attached to it. It’s alright.”

“I don’t know why I’m crying so much…” Elide whispered, unwilling to pull away from the comfort of Lorcan’s chest.

“You’ve just been through a difficult time. You’re in shock. It’s understandable.” Lorcan cleared his throat and pulled away. Elide missed the contact of another human being immediately, but she supposed Lorcan had reached his limit for human contact. He picked up the bundle of clothes and pushed them into her hands.

“A shower will help you feel better. These will be too big, but it’s all I have right now.”

Elide nodded and made her way to the small bathroom. Like the living room, it looked barely lived in. She was too tired to snoop through his cabinets, though Elide suspected they would be mostly empty, like everything else. Instead, Elide slipped off the clothes she had been wearing since she fled from Colorado and stepped into the shower. The spray of the water was warm and welcoming and eased all the knots and kinks out of her muscles. As she stood there, watching the water wash down the drain, she imagined that she was washing away the life she had with her uncle.

She stood under the water until it started to grow cold and then reluctantly stepped out of the shower. The t-shirt and athletic shorts Lorcan had given her were soft and well worn, though he had been right, they absolutely drowned her. She probably could’ve gotten away with just wearing the shirt if she wanted to, but something about walking around Lorcan’s apartment in just his shirt felt too intimate. Instead she rolled the waist of the shorts over a few times and shuffled out of the bathroom.

Lorcan was sitting on the couch, waiting for her, with what looked like a first aid kit on his lap. So he had noticed the scrapes on her arms. When he saw her, her gestured to the space on the couch next to him. Gently, as if she might break, her took her arm in his hand and cleaned what dirt she couldn’t get out in the shower before dressing the wound.

“What happened?” he asked. The softness of his tone took her by surprise. “I thought you were meeting your cousin-I mean, Aelin-last night?”

Elide hissed at the sting of the antiseptic on her tender skin. She drew a breath before speaking, hoping she could maintain the tenuous control she had on her emotions. “I lied,” Elide whispered, unable to meet Lorcan’s eye. “Aelin is my cousin, yes. But I haven’t been in contact with her in years, because of my uncle. And telling people that you’re related to the Aelin Galathynius, it makes them act funny…I wasn’t sure if I could trust you. So I spent the night in the city, attempting to sleep on benches. I’m sorry.”

Lorcan nodded. He finished her right arm and started on her left. “I wish you would’ve decided to trust me after all I had done for you Elide, but I understand why you didn’t. How did you know Vernon was here?”

“I saw him. After you went inside, not more than two minutes later, he showed up and bullied his way in. He left a couple of guys outside. I knew it was only a matter of time until they saw me or went into the cafe or something. I waited in the bathroom for a bit, hoping you would come, but I got too anxious. I made a break for it. I was nearly away when I tripped. That’s how I got these.” She gestured to her arms. “I think they must’ve spotted me because of it. I did my best to blend in and kept going until I reached the protest. Then you found me. And that’s that.”

Lorcan nodded. “We must have just barely missed each other. When I went into the cafe, the men were still outside and then they were gone. I couldn’t let myself think of what that could’ve meant.” He finished up working on her arms and then gently took her face in his hand, turning her chin tenderly, to get a better look at the bruises that were fading from her face. Satisfied that she wasn’t in need of medical assistance anywhere else, Lorcan stuffed clean up and packed away the first aid kit.

He stood up from the table and declared, “You need sleep. And food.” Lorcan helped her up and Elide suddenly found her legs could barely hold her up. She was so tired. Her vision became blurry and the apartment began to fog. Strong arms wrapped around her and suddenly Elide felt as if she was floating. It took a moment for her brain to realized she was being carried down the hall. Gently she was placed in a warm bed and blankets tucked around her.

“I’m glad you found me Lorcan,” she slurred and then sleep took her.


	7. Chapter 7

It took Elide sometime to figure out where she was when she awoke. In her room back home the first sight she saw when she opened her eyes were the peel and stick flowers her parents allowed her to decorate her room with when she was eight. Little purple pansies, bright yellow sunflowers, and tulips of every shade. Once they had been bright and joyful, but as time went on, slowly they had lost their luster and began peeling away from the faded paint. Sad and listless, a relic of happier times that faded away.

Sometimes, when she was locked in her room, she would look at those small flowers and try to recall the innocent young girl she had been when she had pasted them to the wall, laughing alongside her mother and father. Her father would lift her up to press them to the high corners of the walls, nearly touching the ceiling. In his arms, she had felt like nothing could bring her down. Even though the flowers were old, Elide couldn’t bring herself to pull them off the wall, the last physical reminder her parents had lived, had graced this earth.

But this room. It could barely be considered that. Small, cramped, and _very _bland. It contained the barest of essentials, a closet, a dresser, and a bed. Everything was beige, the only personality that came through at all was in the dark grey of the comforter and sheets on the bed. Yet, this room, it filled Elide with more joy than those flowers had in years. This room meant she had made it. She had gotten away. She was free.

And she was not alone.

Thoughts of Lorcan flooded her mind. The man was unreadable, confusing. Most of the time he was brusque, brooding, and often crude with his words as he if spoke his mind and didn’t care who he offended. But other times, like when he gently took her arm in his large hands and cleaned and dressed her scrapes, he was gentle and unsure, as if he was a wild beast, slowly turning back into a man. In those soft moments, his hard face even seemed gentler, kinder, more human. As hard as he tried to be cold and cut off, Elide felt as if there was a long forgotten, good man trapped inside an aching soul, begging to be released before he was suffocated. 

Elide shook her head. It was stupid to think about Lorcan like that. She would be leaving here soon, hopefully. Lorcan didn’t need or want her to save him.

Slowly, Elide stretched out her aching body, her battered ankle especially stiff. She slipped from the bed, wincing slightly as she put weight on her damaged leg. All the traveling and running from Vernon had really done a number on her body. She would be in pain for the rest of the week.

The apartment was quiet as Elide made her way back to the main room. She couldn’t really call it a living room, as it was more like some amorphous room, kitchen, dining, and living all in one. It was empty when she arrived.

“Lorcan?” she called. No answer. It was a small apartment, there weren’t many places he could be hiding. He was gone.

Elide felt slightly panicked. Had something happened? No. It was more likely he went to get food or something, she told herself, attempting to calm her heavy beating heart. On the table, Elide spotted a note.

_Went back to let Aelin know you were safe. Stay here, don’t open the door for anyone. Vernon is still in the city. Help yourself to any food you can find. I’ll order takeout when I get back._

Elide breathed out a sigh in relief. He was coming back. She wasn’t sure why the sight of him gone was so stressful for her. Really, she should be more scared that her uncle was still around, but honestly, she didn’t care right now. She had gotten away. She had gotten to Aelin. And something in her told her that Lorcan wouldn’t let Vernon take her back without a fight.

Rummaging through the fridge, Elide found some bread and cheese. Not much, but enough for a snack. Though it looked as if someone had attempted to fill the fridge, it was mostly barren, and the entire top shelf was devoted to beer.

Boredom came over Elide as she finished her snack, the food taking the edge off of her hunger. It had been too long since she last ate. There was nothing in the apartment to keep her busy, no TV to keep her mind from wandering. So Elide did the only thing she could to stave of boredom. She snooped.

She started in the kitchen, since she was already there. The cupboards and drawers were mostly barren. There were the bare essentials, sure, enough dishes to eat off of and a couple of pots and pans, but not much else. One cabinet revealed a few old boxes of cereal and some salt and pepper and under the sink was a bottle of all purpose cleaner and some paper towels. The cabinet above the fridge held a couple bottles of the same rot gut whiskey Lorcan had given her on the bus. Everything she found could have easily fit inside one cabinet and drawer.

Moving on from the kitchen area, Elide inspected the rest of the room. Not a hint of personality existed. As if the owner could have been anyone of the thousands of residents of the city. No pictures, no decorations, not even a single book. 

The thought of no books brought a heavy melancholy on Elide. Her mother had loved books. Their big ranch house had been filled with them, lining every wall, spilling out of cabinets, hiding under couches. She even had a cupboard in their kitchen devoted to her beloved cookbooks. When asked about it, her mother would always quote Cicero, “A room without books is like a body without a soul.”

Elide had cried when her uncle burned her mother’s books. It was like the soul, the life had been ripped out of the house after that. The house had ceased to her be her home after that.

Walking around this empty, empty apartment, she had almost the same feeling. This wasn’t a home. There was no soul in it. But unlike her childhood home, this apartment never had one.

The rest of her time exploring the apartment didn’t reveal much else. A few weights stuffed in a closet as well as a couple of coats, one definitely military issue. Not until she wound her way back to Lorcan’s bedroom did she find anything interesting. She knew she shouldn’t got through his drawers, but Elide was bored and her curiosity got the better of her. His clothes were all dark, greys, blacks, blues, and green. Even his underwear, which she found neatly folded in the top drawer of his dresser. She tried not to think of him in them, and hurriedly went to slam the drawer shut, when something caught her eye in the corner of the drawer.

Elide pulled out Lorcan’s dog tags and a stack of photos from the corner of the drawer. She examined the dog tags first. 

Sergeant First Class Lorcan Salvaterre. 

_Salvaterre._ In all the time she had traveled with Lorcan, she had never learned his last name. It was like a missing piece of the puzzle that was Lorcan was filled in, her picture of him a little less blurry. _Salvaterre._ She liked the way the name sounded.

Elide turned her attention to the stack of photos, the only personal items she had found in the house. Most were pictures of a younger Lorcan, still in the army, with what had to be his squadmates. She recognized Rowan, Aelin’s husband in many of the pictures. Elide had only ever seen him before on the news, looming behind his wife, daring anyone to touch her. It was nice to see him smiling and laughing. There were other males in the pictures, all smiling up at her. Her favorite photo was one of Lorcan with his arms around Rowan and another handsome male with a shock of golden hair. And he was smiling. Lorcan, _smiling_. He looked years younger and happy, before whatever happened to turn him cold and brooding.

The last photo in the stack turned Elide’s blood to ice. It was a picture of a woman, the most beautiful Elide had ever seen. Dark, depthless eyes, hair the color of ravens, and alabaster skin. Not a lick of make-up adorned her cheeks, but she seemed to radiate perfection. A medal was being pinned to her chest, obscuring the view of her rank, but Elide didn’t need to see it to know this woman was a leader, a commander. She held herself regally, as if she was a queen. Yet despite her beauty and aura of power, the woman scared her, more so than her uncle ever did. Shivers ran down Elide’s spin and she found herself glancing behind herself, sure the woman would be there. Quickly, Elide placed the pictures and tags back in the drawer, just as they had been before and Elide fled the room, unwilling to even be in the same room as her picture.

Whoever that woman was, she was evil. Elide wasn’t sure how she knew it, maybe it was the cruel slant of her perfect mouth or her dark eyes, completely devoid of emotion, but that woman was evil.

_Who was she? And what had she done to Lorcan?_

\--

When Lorcan walked back into Aelin Galathynius’s office, he was greeted by an Aelin he had never seen before. Aelin Galathynius was many things, passionate, charismatic, a pain in his ass, but never frantic with worry. But that was exactly what Aelin was, pacing her office, snapping at anyone that looked at her, even her husband, perched against her desk. Lysandra and Fenrys were huddle near the door, speaking in hushed tones. When she spotted Lorcan, she stopped pacing and looked at him expectantly.

“Did you find her?” she asked, Rowan taking her hand in his.

“Yes. She’s fine. Tired and a little banged up, but fine.” 

Aelin visibly sagged. Sighs of relief were heard around the room. Aelin took her seat behind the desk and looked at Lorcan, her eyes boring holes into him. He could see her dangerous mind working.

“What happened? We only just got Vernon to leave and Rowan hasn’t filled me in on all the details. What happened? How did you meet my cousin?” she asked.

Lorcan typically did not get along with Aelin, nor she with him. At best they tolerated each other. But something about the way she said “cousin” struck him deeply. It was almost as if she meant to say _sister_. It was the tone of her voice, that spurred him into speech, though he was burning with questions himself. Lorcan sighed and briefly and curtly explained how they came to travel together, getting a car in Las Vegas and driving the rest of the way. He left out their argument, but brought everyone up to speed on what happened that morning.

“...we made it through the crowd, grabbed a cab, and I took her to my place. I hoped Vernon had no idea how connected I was with you and she would be safe there.”

Aelin nodded and looked pensively at Lorcan, though he had a strange feeling she wasn’t really seeing him.

Lorcan huffed, annoyed with her silence. He had saved the girl, multiple times. Had gotten her safely away from her uncle. He wanted answers._ What kind of man was this uncle and why was Elide so important?_ It couldn’t just be because of her connection to Aelin, no matter how deep it was.

“Aelin. I got your cousin. She’s safe. Now I want to know who she is. Who is her uncle? Why does he want her so bad?”

Aelin looked at Rowan. They were silent for a few moments, and then as if something unspoken passed between them, Aelin nodded and turned to face Lorcan again.

“She’s my cousin, yes. But she was so much more than that. Growing up, she was almost like the sister I never had. I would always be the one to get us into trouble, but Elide was the one that talked us out of it. Whip smart with a silver tongue. We didn’t see each other very much though because her family lived in Colorado. They were very wealthy and owned a lot of land. And I mean a lot. Most of it was a large ranch, largest in the state and the rest was various real estate ventures across the state When Elide’s parents took over, they wanted to shut the ranch down, turn it into a wildlife preserve and begin selling the rest. They were tired of the family making a living off others.”

“It was never proven, but my parents believed Elide’s uncle had hand in their death. I didn’t know what happened to Elide for many years...but when I finally could, I learned that she went into the care of her uncle and the family wealth and properties went into his custodial care. When she was eighteen, Elide was supposed to take control of the family properties, but somehow her uncle had her declared unfit, legally incompetent. It gave him nearly full control of the property, her parents fortunes, nearly everything, including full control of Elide, at least until she was twenty-five. Then they’re supposed to review her case and decide if she can come into her inheritance or not. That’s next month.”

Lorcan seethed, his hands clenched against his legs. Vernon Lochan was very lucky to be alive. Had Lorcan known the extent of everything the man had done to Elide, how he had swindled her out of her rightful inheritance, on top of the obvious and blatant abuse, Lorcan would have slaughtered him right there in Aelin’s office that morning. And been happy to do it.

“She’s not incompetent,” he hissed. “Elide is still how you remember her Aelin. She blended in so well on the bus that I didn’t even notice her at first. Unfit? That’s utter bullshit. But you should know…” Lorcan shuddered, unwilling to share what was surely Elide’s deepest shame with the room. But Aelin deserved to know. “He’s hurt her. She walks with a noticeable limp. And I’m sure he did it. She had bruises on her face that were obviously from someone’s hands.”

The room fell heavy and quiet. Not a single person could speak yet every one of them had decided deep in their souls that they would do whatever it took to make sure Vernon Lochan was wiped from the planet.

“He can’t get her,” Lysandra’s solemn voice spoke of past horrors.

The rest of the room murmured their assent. Aelin nodded. “Lorcan. She has to stay with you for now.”

He had expected it and a part of him, one he wasn’t ready to acknowledge, even wanted her to stay. But the rest of him...the rest of him was afraid. Afraid of her drawing too close, digging through his soul, unearthing his secrets, and discarding him like trash.

“No. She can’t. Aelin...I don’t have the space first of all, and second, I-“

Aelin silences him with a look. She spoke, her voice deadly calm. “Lorcan. I am paying you to be security. The most important thing you can secure right now is my cousin. Vernon has the police involved. He knows who we all are, but you, he still thinks you’re just a new hire. Until Vernon leaves, your new job is to keep Elide safe.”

There was no use protesting. Lorcan nodded. Apparently, now he had a _roommate._

He was halfway home before he fully processed what that meant. For the next foreseeable future, Elide would be with him. Not just living in his home, but he was not to let her out of his sight. She would be with him _all the time._ The thought made him uncomfortable, made his skin crawl and his collar feel tight. He didn’t do friends anymore, it was better in the long run.

An idea struck him as he trudged up the stairs. After him, Elide was her own best defense. She had already done phenomenally at getting herself away from her uncle, she had shown grit and resolve and intelligence over and over. She had even outsmarted him a time or two and he was trained to see everything.

So he would help her. Fill the gaps in her knowledge, teach her to defend herself. Elide would never have to go back to her uncle again, he vowed to himself, to the universe. Not if there was breath still in his body.


	8. Chapter 8

Lorcan’s feet pounded into the pavement. Over and over, until his steps became a rhythm, thrumming through his blood, pounding in his head, drowning out his thoughts. Thoughts of the brunette beauty he had left in his bed still flooded his mind though.

He had slept on the couch, obviously. But he hadn’t realized how intruding it would be to share his home with someone so entirely. It had only been one night and he was already feeling a little claustrophobic. The apartment wasn’t big, so Elide was just always  _ there _ . And since she couldn’t leave, she would continue to be there for a few weeks at least or until the heat from the police and her uncle died down.

Already it was proving to be a trying experience for him. Unused to having someone else in his home, the night before Lorcan had used the restroom without locking the door. Elide had walked in and...Lorcan learned his lesson about the bathroom door. The delicious flush that had crossed her cheeks at the sight of him was enough to keep him up for hours that night.

Going on a run would be the only escape from the apartment he would get for the foreseeable future. He didn’t want to seem like her jailor, so he had sworn to himself that if Elide couldn’t go out into the city, neither could he. But he couldn’t give up running. It was his favorite form of self-torture. For a moment he could drown out the ocean of memories in his mind. He almost felt as if he was outrunning his demons altogether. It was one of the few things that kept him fully tipping over the brink into true madness.

Plus, it would give Elide what he supposed would be some much needed time alone in the apartment to get ready. Lorcan glanced at his watch. It had been an hour. It was probably safe to return now.

When he got back to the apartment, Elide wasn’t in sight. He could hear faint humming from his bedroom and the shower looked freshly used, so at least she was up. He snatched the bundle of clothes he had grabbed from his room the night before and ran through the shower. He wanted to get the mundane tasks of the day out of the way so he could talk to Elide about teaching her to defend herself.

But when he got done, the Elide that greeted him over a cup of tea at his little kitchen table was not an Elide he had seen before. Her eyes staring, unseeing at the table, Elide didn’t even notice him walk into the room. She gnawed at her lip and her shoulders had a heavy, sunken look to them.

“Elide?” he asked. She jerked up and looked at him, shocked to see him standing there.

“Oh, Lorcan. I didn’t realize you were back. Uh..can we talk?” Her fingers drummed anxiously on her mug, almost shaking in their nervous energy.

Lorcan nodded and gestured to the couch. Elide struggled up from her seat and stiffly limped across the room. One glance at her ankle had Lorcan’s blood boiling. He had never seen it before, but in his shorts, it was on full display. The twisted, misshapen bones and thick scars were mottled with bruises, the evidence of how hard Elide must have pushed herself to escape. A thought flickered across his mind but Lorcan filed it away to examine later. He needed to focus on what Elide wanted to tell him.

She settled on the couch and waited for him to do the same before she spoke again. “I have something. I carried it with me from home. I didn’t know who you were or if I could trust you, so I never mentioned it before, but now, I think you might be the only one who can help me.”

Elide pulled out a small flashdrive from her pocket and laid it flat in the palm of her hand so Lorcan could see it. Confused, he didn’t speak, but allowed her to gather her thoughts. “My uncle never let me go to high school. Ever. I was getting too independent, I think. And if I wasn’t educated, I would have to rely on him more. He told the schools I was too fragile and would have tutors. I think it helped sell the idea I was unable to care for myself or come into my inheritance when I became an adult, too.”

She shifted uncomfortably, her ankle obviously paining her. Lorcan gestured for her to prop her foot up on the couch. When she did, he gently took the mangled leg in his hands, eliciting a surprised gasp from her lips. Slowly, he rubbed out the knots in the muscles as he cataloged each scar, determined to leave the same ones on her uncle.

“He tried to keep me stupid, but I had always loved learning. My uncle, he is cunning, and vicious, and meticulous to a fault. But he’s also a complete idiot when it comes to some things. Especially technology security. He used the same password for everything for years. So when he was gone, I would just log into his computer and learn everything about the world I wanted to. When he finally caught on to what I was doing, it was too late. I had already learned how to work around most monitoring programs and whatnot.”

Lorcan met her eye. Elide never ceased to impress him. She had to have known that being found out was an eventuality. So she had learned what she needed to to still give herself access to the world around her.

“He didn’t try to hide them, all his files. I guess he thought I would never look at them. And I didn’t. Not until I knew I had a solid escape plan. Like I said, he was meticulous. He had records of everything he did, probably to use as blackmail if someone turned on him. I don’t know. But it was all there. The doctors and judges he paid off to have me declared unfit. The extortion he was committing on our properties around Colorado. The under the table deals he had made to sell off the ranch land to developers once he gets full control next month. All of it. The day I left, it took it all. And it’s right here.”

She held up the drive once more. “I don’t know if any of its admissible in court or not, but it's a start. I need to get this to Aelin. She’ll know what to do with it. Hopefully, at least it’ll get my uncle away from me. Maybe even give me my home back one day.”

Elide took Lorcan’s hand and gently placed the drive in his palm. “Please,” her voice was gentle and pleading, “You’re the only one I trust to take care of this.”

Lorcan nodded, closing his fingers around the drive, the weight of it against his skin heavier than he thought it should be. 

“Ok,” he said softly. Lorcan stood up, gently pushing Elide’s leg off his lap. “I need to make a couple of phone calls.”

\--

Lorcan’s phone calls turned into a four hour adventure around town doing gods know what. Normally, Elide would have minded being left alone again, but the aching in her ankle reminded her why it was a good thing she stayed behind. Not to mention, she still jumped at every footfall outside the apartment door, sure her uncle was going to descend upon her at any moment.

When he finally returned, Lorcan was stone faced but carrying a few shopping bags. He set them down gently on the table and then turned to face her. “Aelin has the files. She and her lawyers are looking them over. They aren’t sure yet what they can do about it yet, but she said she would let me know as soon as she did. For now, it's still best to have limited contact though. I also ran a few errands. She did say she would send Lysandra over soon though to help you get some clothes. And she might find a way to send some things. Apparently someone informed her that my apartment was lacking and she doesn’t want her cousin dying of boredom here.” Elide tried not to laugh at Lorcan’s indigent tone, but couldn’t help the snort that escaped. She could tell Lorcan pretended not to hear.

“Oh. This is for you.”

He handed a bag over to her. Elide opened the sack to find it full to the brim with books. There had to be at least a dozen in there, of all sorts of genres. A couple historical fictions, a biography, some sci-fi, and maybe even some of those smutty romances. It was as if Lorcan had gone to his local grocery store and walked down the book isle and reached out his arms and just bought any book he could fit in them.

“Thank you.” Elide said softly, already deciding which one she would read first. She was pulling one out of the bag when Lorcan spoke again.

“Don’t get comfortable yet. I’m not done.”

Elide looked up, confused. Lorcan was holding a small package. “Aelin has a friend, her name is Yrene. She’s a phenomenal doctor. I hope you don’t mind, but I told her about your ankle. Eventually, she would like to see you, when things die down, but until then, she recommended this brace.”

Lorcan gestured to Elide to come over. He bent down and gently lifted her leg, wrapping the brace around her ankle. Almost immediately her foot and leg felt more aligned and better supported. Elide did a quick lap around the room, walking more even than she had in years.

“Wow,” she exclaimed as she finished her turn of the room. “This, this is amazing. Thank you Lorcan.”

His expression didn’t change. “Well, the brace serves many purposes. I need you to be more sure on your feet.”

Elide gave him a confused look. “Why?”

Lorcan met her eye. “Your uncle will never rest. If we can get you and your inheritance away from him, he won’t stop trying to get it, get you back. And it won’t be pretty if he does. So we’re going to be prepared.”

Elide nodded. “Ok, where do we begin?”

Lorcan bent down and slide a small white blade from the brace on her ankle. She hadn’t even felt its weight in the brace. He handed her the blade. Elide turned it over in her, admiring the way the light reflected off the nearly pearlescent sheen of the blade. 

“First off, from now on Elide, always be armed. Always. This is blade is ceramic, not a hint of metal. Virtually undetectable and the brace will keep it from being found if you’re searched.” Lorcan took the blade back and slid it back in the small slot in her ankle brace. 

“Are you always armed then, Lorcan?” Lorcan, still kneeling at Elide’s feet, pulled up his pant leg, showing a wicked blade strapped to his leg. He stood slowly until he was looming over Elide, his body so close she could feel the heat of his skin and feel his breath stir the air around them. He slid back the long sleeve of his shirt to reveal another, smaller blade.

“Yes,” he said gruffly. “And when I’m working, there’s even more. But I always have at least one blade on me.”

Elide eyed the blade strapped to his chiseled forearm as he rolled the sleeve back down.

“Did you have one while we were traveling?” 

“Of course I did. Like I said. I am always armed. And now you are too.”

Elide swallowed thickly and nodded, the threat of her uncle feeling far more present than it had earlier.

“Now ceramic blades are fragile.” Lorcan nodded toward her ankle. “This one meant to be used as a one time thing, so it is important to know the best ways to distract and neutralize your attacker. That’s what I’m going to teach you. And lucky for you, we happen to have a lot of free time on our hands.”

Lorcan’s face had a feral look on it that made Elide’s stomach do funny things. She wasn’t sure how much she was looking forward to having Lorcan teach her, but either way, she knew wouldn’t trust anyone else as much as she did him.

He turned and kicked a few of the scattered objects on the floor of the room out of the way, clearing a space for them to practice.

“Let’s get started.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for nightmares that lead to a panic attack

Elide sighed and rolled over, glancing at her phone clock. It was far too early to be awake, but her brain wasn’t letting her far back to sleep. 

It had been a week. A week of being cooped up in this tiny apartment. A week of walking on eggshells, expecting any moment that her uncle would come bursting through to door to take her away. A week of self-defense. A week of _Lorcan_.

Lorcan.

Elide groaned and rolled over into the pillow, letting out a muffled scream. 

He was driving her insane. A week almost entirely in his presence was too much for her. Her nerves felt rubbed raw, flayed away at the overwhelming sense of him. Everywhere. There was no avoiding him.

It wasn’t just the defense lessons, which were going well though. Lorcan was teaching her how to use the weight and momentum of an attacker to destabilize them which often meant Lorcan stood in the place of an attacker. It was incredibly satisfying to knock him to the ground. And more than a little thrilling to have his large hands on her body. The day before she had taken him down but miscalculated her own momentum and landed in his lap. The way he felt below her, strong and firm, his muscles tense as his hands encircled her waist...she hand’t wanted to get up.

No, it wasn’t just that.

There was a certain level of intimacy that came with living with someone. You learned things about them that you wouldn’t otherwise. Elide knew how Lorcan liked his coffee now, black straight up. Sometimes with a splash of whiskey. She knew his daily routine, that he rose before the sun everyday and pushed his body hard to stay in shape and didn’t allow himself the luxury of food until he was done. She knew what he smelled like fresh out of the shower and how his hair looked wet and dripping, loose and unbrushed. She knew he was a lousy cook but meticulously clean.

It was more though.

She knew he had nightmares, all night long. She could hear him call out in his sleep some nights. After she left the living room at night to sleep in the bedroom, she could hear him pouring drink after drink. She tried to stay awake, to hear when he would finally allow himself to rest, to stop punishing himself, but he always outlasted her. Once, over a breakfast of rubbery eggs and burnt toast she had tried to bring the subject up, but only earned herself a dark glare. Elide had spent the rest of the day holed up in the bedroom reading. If he was going to be a jerk, then fine, she wouldn’t be around him. When she left to use the bathroom hours later, a new book was waiting for her outside the bedroom door. They never spoke of it again.

She didn’t stop trying to help him though. True to her word, Aelin had somehow anonymously sent Lorcan a few things, including a large TV. Everynight, they watched a couple movies before bed, a large bowl of popcorn or chips between them on the couch. Elide would stay up later than she ever would normally, just to be near him, to let him know whatever haunted him, it didn’t scare her. That she still...

Elide kicked off her covers. It was no use laying in bed daydreaming about Lorcan. It was getting her nowhere fast. He should be gone on his run now and Elide liked the time she had in the apartment alone. She pulled on the brace and slipped her new silky robe around her shoulders. Lysandra had come in the dead of night her second night in the apartment and dropped off some clothes for Elide. Lysandra had taken away her old ones too, with a look of disgust. Elide felt like a completely different person. Though, she had to admit that her cousins taste was a bit...flamboyant, especially when it came to night clothes, but it was nice to feel like her body was something to be admired. Though a part of her would have much rather continued sleeping Lorcan’s soft shirts instead of the skimpy nightgown.

When Elide slipped out of the bedroom she had fully expected Lorcan to be gone, she had fully expected him to be off on his run and her to have the apartment to herself for her one blessed hour alone.She had not been expecting to see a shirtless Lorcan standing in the living room, headphones in, back to her, lifting weights.

Obviously, Elide knew he was fit. He had to be as an ex-military security guard. She just didn’t realize the extent of what that meant.

Lorcan put every other male to shame. He was...he was _massive_. He was lifting ridiculously heavy weights as if it was a breeze, his muscles rippling. The expanse of his back was corded with muscles and sweat dripped down, down the flushed skin, bringing Elide’s eyes with it, further down. Elide found herself wishing he would turn around.

She shook her head, a little disgusted at herself and made her way to the kitchen, hoping to sneak past Lorcan unnoticed. But she had no such luck.

“Elide?”

Silently she swore and turned, hoping her cheeks weren’t flushed from ogling him. 

The front of him was worse than the back. Every inch of him was chiseled, powerful, _deadly_. Her mind wandered for a moment, wondering what it would be like to trace his muscles, to taste his skin…

“Did I wake you?” Lorcan’s voice pulled her back from her wandering thoughts. She met his eye, only to find his brow quirked and what almost seemed like mirth dancing behind his eyes. Oh, he had _definitely_ noticed her wandering eyes. She could feel the flush creeping in at being caught.

“Uh, no, umm, I just didn’t sleep well. I’ve been a bit restless.” She hurried around the kitchen, getting everything she needed for her morning cup of tea. “I’ll just finish this and get out of your hair.”

Elide couldn’t move fast enough. The room felt smaller than normal, and warm, _so warm._ She was suffocating. It was as if Lorcan was standing right behind her, his body radiating heat. She could almost feel his eyes boring into her back. Her skin burned. Oh, she was definitely blushing now. This situation could not get any more embarrassing.

Lorcan cleared his throat. “Those are interesting pajamas you’re wearing.”

Elide wanted to sink through the floor. She hadn’t even thought of what she was wearing when she slipped out of the room, assuming Lorcan wouldn’t be there. If she thought her skin was burning before, it was nothing compared to now. She felt as if she was quite literally on fire.

Slowly, Elide turned to find Lorcan staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face. The room felt heavy and suddenly Elide found it very, very hard to breathe. Lorcan’s eyes roved her body and she tried not to fidget under his gaze. She bit her lip, almost shy under his scrutiny. Higher, higher went his eyes, drinking in her body, until they reached her chest. Lorcan swallowed once and then met her gaze, his eyes molten. For the first time in a very long time, perhaps ever, Elide felt a thrill of desire course through her body.

“You can thank Aelin for them.” The mention of her cousin dissolved whatever tension was between them. The moment passed. The room grew colder. Lorcan growled and turned away. Elide wasn’t sure if she was grateful or not. Instead, she turned and finished making her tea, far too aware of Lorcan, with his back to her again. She couldn’t get out of the room fast enough.

She holed herself up in the bedroom, acutely aware of the fact that everything her body touched belonged to Lorcan. The bed. The pillows. The sheets. Her nerves felt raw. She had no experience whatsoever. Gods, she hadn’t even been kissed. Yet, there in the kitchen, she had wanted to be, so bad. But Lorcan...whatever had passed between them...Elide wasn’t sure if she was ready to address. If she ever would be. 

A few moments later a knock sounded on the door. “Elide?” 

Her heart stopped. _What? What was he doing at the door? Did he expect…_

“Umm...I’m out of clothes out here. Can I grab some?”

Elide breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah, sure, come in.” Elide pulled the robe tight around her with one hand, the other keeping her tea steady.

Lorcan shuffled in and didn’t even look at her. Secretly, Elide was relieved. Her mind was too scattered to deal with a repeat of the kitchen. And it didn’t help he was still shirtless. Quickly, Lorcan grabbed some clothes from the lone dresser. While he was digging for some socks, he spoke.

“We’re going out today.”

Shock flooded Elide. He had to be messing with her. “What?”

“I received a message last night. You uncle is back in Colorado. Apparently, a girl fitting your description in the clothes you were last seen wearing was spotted limping around one of your family properties.”

_Wearing her clothes_...it clicked into place. “Lysandra?”

Lorcan nodded. “Aelin’s idea. She has this terrible habit of planning things and not telling anyone until they happen. But either way, your uncle is gone and it’ll be easier for us to go out into the city. The police are still watching Aelin, but I’m sure that will die down soon too.”

Elide nodded, barely able to keep her excitement contained. All thoughts of what happened that morning fled. She was going out.

\--

Lorcan sighed. It was late, _very _late. He sifted through the barrage of emails on his phone, barely thinking as he sorted through them, barely thinking about the content of them. His thoughts instead where on...Elide.

Living with her for a week...it was making him soft. He could feel her breaking down his barriers, as hard as he wanted them up. He could feel himself wanting to be open, to tell her, but he knew he couldn’t stand the inevitable look of disgust that he would receive when she learned the truth of all he had done, all he had become.

Ever since he had seen her ruined ankle on display that morning in the kitchen and had the thought to talk to Yrene about a brace, ever since said brace touched her skin, ever since she toppled him to the ground during their first defence lesson, she just seemed to be so much more. So much more confident, so much more sure of herself. She was becoming all she could have been if her parents had lived. He was drawn to her, like a moth to flame. He was almost ashamed to admit he loved the chance teaching her to defend herself gave him the opportunity to learn the smoothness of her skin and the scent of her hair.

And then this morning and the nightgown and the beautiful expanse of ivory skin on display, the fullness of her-

Lorcan shook his head. He shouldn’t, _couldn’t_ think of Elide in that way. As desperately as he wanted to, to feel her warm breath against his, moving under him...he couldn’t. She was completely and fully innocent. 

And he was not_._

But even her presence was a balm for his ruined soul. Ever since the TV from Aelin had arrived, they stayed up late, watching movies. He ached to close the distance between them those nights, to feel her soft skin once more. Just being near her seemed to create this protective barrier around him of glowing warmth. More nights than not now he had blissful, dreamless sleep, that bubble of almost happiness driving away his demons. The alcohol called to him less even, when she was around.

He was trying to avoid drinking now, but his hands shook and voices whispered in his ears as he tried to concentrate on his phone. He tried to focus on the email at the top of his inbox. Once of the ones he received every few weeks from the military, that he sent straight to the trash. But it was no use. His entire body craved that numbness, since Elide had gone to bed early, taking her protection with her.

She’d had a long day. But Hellas, she had been impressive to watch. They spent the entire day in the city. Lorcan swore every time she met someone, she was someone new. She put on different faces like a chameleon changed colors. Even if the police somehow found them, they would have gotten so many different ideas of who Elide was they would be running in circles for weeks.

It had exhausted her though, constantly being on guard. Constantly watching over her shoulder. So she had retired to the room without ceremony when they arrived back home. Leaving Lorcan all alone in the cesspool that was his thoughts.

Admitting defeat, Lorcan threw down his phone and crossed to the kitchen. He pulled down the bottle of whiskey and poured himself enough to make him feel blessedly numb. His whole body trembled in anticipated, waiting, _waiting_ for that first sip.

The glass was nearly to his lips when he heard it. A small whimper sounded through the apartment. He set the glass down, guiltily hoping it would pass, begging it to pass so he could take that sip.

But then it came again. Lorcan sighed and poured the whiskey down the drain, ashamed. He quickly stuffed the bottle away and turned to help Elide. Her whimpers had turned to full out cries.

He should have expected it. Being on edge all day, constantly on the alert, it wore on you. It made you feel weak and vulnerable. Haunted. Of course nightmares had come for her.

“Elide?” he knocked on the bedroom door, hoping that was all it took to rouse her from her dreams. But no such luck. He could still hear her crying in agony on the other side of the door, trapped by some unseen enemy.

Lorcan slipped inside. Elide was tangled in the sheets, clawing at the pillow, her skin pale and shimmering with sweat. He was almost relieved to see she had forgone the silk nightgown and was wearing one of his shirts instead. Though that sight awakened some primal satisfaction within himself that he pushed back down. Elide needed him.

“Elide,” he shook her, hoping to free her from the demons that held her captive. “Elide! Wake up! It’s only a dream.”

She bolted upright, her eyes full of fear, not comprehending where she was or what she was seeing. Panic over took her and her breaths were shallow and fast. She scrambled back away from him, trembling at his touch.

“Elide...Elide…” he stepped back giving her space to breathe. When he spoke again, he spoke gently to her, as if he would to a caged animal. He supposed that she was, or at least had been. “It’s just me. You’re safe, you’re free. You’re here, at the apartment. Not there, _here._”

He knew where her mind had taken her. She had told him, that she often relieved that memory, the shattering of her bones, trapped alone, soaked in her own blood. Lorcan took a step closer and reached out for her, crossing the ocean of the bed slowly.

“Breathe, just breathe,” he didn’t know his voice could sound that gentle, that human. Her breaths started coming in more even and he knew she was pulling away from the darkness that held her. “He can’t get you, not here. You’re safe, breathe, breathe.”

Lorcan reached Elide and she allowed him to take her shaking hands in his own. Softly, so achingly soft, he pulled her close. He slipped his hands to her cheeks and tilted her face up, relieved to find her eyes clear, albeit, filled with tears.

“Do you know where you are?” she nodded. “Do you know who I am?” she nodded again, and then buried her face in his chest, shaking with sobs.

She cried herself out, soaking his shirt. He allowed her to hold him, to find comfort from his presence for once, but when the sobs stopped and her breathing evened, he awkwardly extricated himself from her arms, gently laid her down, and slipped away, his own emotions spent. Sure she was asleep, he made for the door.

Elide’s hand shot out. “Please stay Lorcan. Please, just hold me tonight”

Lorcan gaped at her for a moment. He never, had never just _held _someone. Every person he had taken to his bed...it had been about momentary, mutual pleasure. Nothing more. No feelings. No cuddling. No staying the night.

But this girl, this woman, she pierced something in him. And as he climbed into her bed and allowed her to pull him close, he found himself unable to resist her.


	10. Chapter 10

When Lorcan woke, there was a delicious weight on his chest. He looked down to find Elide curled on his chest, her hair fanned out behind her, and her legs intertwined with his own. He was no better than her, somehow in his sleep he had wound his arms around her, one hand resting on her hip and the other dangerously high.

The room was still and silent. The dawn was barely breaking, grey light from the window streamed in, illuminating Elide’s skin, the soft curve of her nose, the sensual swoop of her mouth. It was peaceful. Quiet. 

For a moment everything seemed right in the world.

Elide breathed out heavily and the spell was broken.

_What was he doing? _She didn’t deserve this, his hands groping her in her sleep, the press of a body as ruined as his own. She deserved better than this, than these illicit touches.

Lorcan slipped his hands out from under Elide as gently as he could, praying she wouldn’t wake. He half expected his hands to have left bloody prints on her body, to have stained her as deeply as he was.

As quietly as he could, Lorcan slid off the bed and tread lightly across the room. He turned once more at the door for one last look at the woman sleeping in his bed.

She deserved better than this. Then him. She needed someone whole and untarnished. Someone who could be there for her, someone who didn’t carry death with them everywhere they went. But he, he was already in to deep with her. And she with him.

Lorcan gently closed the door. The gentle, resounding click echoed through his bones.

He knew what he needed to do.

He found his phone on the couch where he threw it down the night before. He opened up his email and found the one he hadn’t deleted. Instead of swiping it away, he opened it. And replied.

A weight settled on him. He knew it was the right thing to do. She needed space from him. She needed to find someone better. And t_his_...this would definitely take him away. Yes, it was the right thing to do.

Then why did he feel like he was going to be crushed under the weight of his decision?

He avoided Elide the rest of the day. He couldn’t stand to look her in the eye, sure she would see the weight of his sins reflecting back. It wasn’t necessarily an easy task in a one bedroom apartment, but somehow he managed it. Whenever she was in the main room, Lorcan found a reason to leave. And if they did happen to stay in the same room together for more than a few minutes, he just didn’t speak to her.

By the end of the day though, his willpower was gone, his resolve shot. He just wanted to see her. To be with her. To enjoy whatever time he could with her before he took himself away. He wanted to feel her skin under his palms again and breathe in her scent, intoxicating and so uniquely Elide. Just once, he wanted to be weak. Just once, he wanted to give into temptation.

So when darkness fell, bringing its secrets and quiet vulnerability, he didn’t run. He waited with bated breath for her quiet trend and her soft voice, anticipating what the night would bring.  
\--

Lorcan was avoiding her. He did it all day. She didn’t want to admit it, but it stung her, deep inside, that one night in her bed was enough to drive him away. Enough to make him unable to meet her eye or even speak to her. Tears welled up and her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She would not let them come, would not cry over him.

She stood up from the bed. Elide had sequestered herself in the room once she finally got the hint. If he didn’t want to speak to her, then she wouldn’t burden him with her presence. But now, in the quiet dark she couldn’t avoid whatever it was between them any longer. She pulled on that ridiculous robe again, not caring that it barely covered another of those flashy nightgowns and slipped into the living room, her feet barely making a sound as she walked down the hall.

Lorcan was exactly where she had expected him to be. Sitting on the couch, drink in hand, staring into the abyss of the wall across from him.

“You’re a real asshole, you know,” she had been sure those words would be enough to get him to look at her but it was as if she was a ghost to him, unreal and unseen.

“So are you just going to avoid me the rest of the time I’m here?” she asked. He didn’t even flinch. It was as if wherever his mind had gone, it couldn’t be reached.

Elide sat down beside him, unwilling to give up just yet. “Does this have to do with last night?” Again, no response.

Still not wanting to admit defeat, Elide hesitantly, softly asked the one question she was sure would get his attention. “Does this have anything to do with the woman whose picture you have stuffed away in your drawer?”

Lorcan choked on his drink. “What?” he growled out past gasps for air. Anger flashed across his face, followed by a flash of guilt. Furiously, he got up from the couch. He stormed across the room and threw his glass in the sink so hard it shattered. Lorcan tore at his hair in frustration and swore before began cleaning up the pieces, tossing them unceremoniously into the trash.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know I shouldn’t have looked.”

Elide watched him, hunched over the sink, his hands gripping the edge of the counter. She watched the anger faded from his body as his shoulders slumped as if under a great weight. His shoulders began to shake, almost as if he was crying.

“I suppose I deserved that question though. After today.” His voice was flat, stale, the words emotionless and dead.

“Who is she?” she asked softly.

Still with his back to her, Lorcan gave a resigned sigh. “Her name is Maeve. She is-_was_-my commander.”

“Tell me about her.”

Lorcan turned from the sink, but still didn’t meet her eye.

“There are things in life you would be better off not knowing, Elide,” Lorcan whispered, his voice barely perceptible over the distance of the room.

“I’ve lived through my share of terrible things Lorcan.”

Finally, he met her eye. Unfathomable pain shown in his gaze, raw and overwhelming. “Not like this, Elide.”

Elide wasn’t sure what made her ask the next question, but it was something that burned in her, a thought that plagued her since she saw that photo stuffed in his drawer with everything else he valued. “Are you in love with her?”

“Yes-_no_...I don’t know. I thought I was. We were never _lovers_. I don’t think she is capable of thinking of people that way. I don’t think is able to see people as more than just tools for her to use. But I was desperate, for her approval, for her affection. So I became useful to her. I honed myself into a weapon, a tool. One that she wielded indiscriminately.”

Pain dripped from his words as he spoke. “I have killed so many people Elide. Many of them innocent. All on her orders. I can still see them, the faces of the women and children, I still hear their screams before I silenced them. I wrecked myself over and over and over again for her, until there was nothing left of me to offer her. I still feel their blood on my hands, Elide. And I can’t wash it clean.”

He scrubbed at his hands as if there really was blood still on them. It broke something in Elide, to see someone as strong as him so low. Elide slipped from the couch and softly tread across the room. Gently, ever so gently, she took his large, rough hands in her own and pressed soft kisses to his palms.

“I see no blood here Lorcan. And whatever you may have done...Lorcan, you were manipulated, used. Your sins are on her head as well. The ghosts that haunt you, should be haunting her. You need time Lorcan and eventually your soul will find peace.”

Lorcan stared at her, the air between them warm, but then he shook his head. “No, Elide. I deserve this. Every demon that plagues me, I deserve them.”

Elide sighed. She wanted to take away this burden, to make him see himself the way she did. “Well, if you ever change your mind and I ever get my home away from my uncle...I want you to come. To see what freedom really feels like under wide open skies. Maybe there, you can find some peace.”

“Maybe one day Elide.” The way he spoke, it was as if he was placating her, as if he was really saying no. He gently pulled his hands from her own, Elide hadn’t even realized she was still holding them. He crossed them across his chest, as if he needed to keep them close to himself, to keep them from doing something stupid. 

“You wouldn’t want me around anyway. You have so much life ahead of you, while I have wasted mine. I have spent too many years of my life in the service of a woman who doesn’t know how to feel or care or _love_. I don’t think _I _even know that means.”

“I may not either,” Elide whispered, allowing herself to draw even closer to Lorcan, the planes of her body matching his own. “But I know what it isn’t. Love doesn’t force or manipulate. I think love...it should make you happy. Make you want to do better, be better.”

Slowly, afraid he would turn away from her touch, Elide lifted her hand. Softly she traced the lines of his face, her touch feather light, the pads of her fingers barely touching him. She traced the furrows on his forehead, the slope of his nose. She learned the shape of his jaw and the planes of his cheeks. And then carefully, ever so carefully, she traced his lips, unbelievably soft, warm under her touch, his usually harsh frown gone under her caress. Almost imperceptibly, he turned into her touch, relaxed under her caress, his face growing younger and softer.

“I am happy, when I’m with you.” His voice was so quiet, his whisper so soft, that even standing close to him she barely heard his words. Elide gasped and stepped back, just the smallest amount, so she could meet his gaze. She found no deception, no guile in his eyes, but instead, something vulnerable and warm that made her heart race.

Before she could think better of it, Elide closed the distance between them and pressed her lips against his. The kiss was soft and delicate, a barely there press of the lips, over before it even started. When she pulled back, she gazed deeply into his face, speaking the words in her heart before her courage fled.

“I’m happy when I’m with you too.”

Despair broke his face as if her words physically pained him, but before she could decipher what that meant, Lorcan surged forward and pressed his lips desperately to her own, his fingers tangling in her hair, the other hand slipping around her waist and crushing her flush against him.

Lorcan held her as if he was afraid that letting go of her would break him, would wreck him so entirely. Not a breath of air was between them and every inch of Elide was pressed against the firm expense of Lorcan’s body. Everywhere her bare skin touched his was on fire, she was burning under his touch as he caressed her lips. Elide was drowning in the overwhelming sense of him, drowning in the taste of him as he poured every emotion into their kiss.

Elide found herself returning the embrace with equal fervor, her hands snaking up and tangling into his hair, pulling him down to her. Lorcan groaned into her mouth and the feel of it lit a fire in her bones. She slipped her tongue into his mouth, wanting, _needing_, more of him, pressing herself into him more, wanting there to be no distance between their bodies, not even their clothing.

She was burning. Elide felt as if she would be consumed by his touch. If this was how she died, it was the most pleasurable way she could.

Lorcan broke their kiss, but before Elide could even whine in protest, he was attacking her neck with fervor, leaving a trail of fire on her skin. She moaned under his ministrations. She needed more, so much more. She slipped her hands from his hair and trailed them down his wide shoulders and firm chest, exploring every plane, learning every muscle. Her hands slipped lower and lower down his chest until he was panting her name, whispering it against her skin like a prayer. Her hands traveled to the back of his shirt, gathering the hem of it as if to pull it over his head, but Lorcan had other ideas. Before she realized what was happening, Lorcan’s hand slipped down to her bare thighs, leaving burning fingerprints wherever he touched, and then he roughly gripped them, pulling them up to encircle his waist.

Lorcan gripped her close to him, one had supporting her waist, the other brought her lips to his own again with renewed fervor. He carried her to the couch before gently setting her down, hovering above her. For an instant, he pulled back, his hands traveling to the edge of his shirt, a silent question in his eyes. Elide could only nod in reply, words had failed her. There was only need and the fire of his touch.

Before he could pull of his shirt, before she could learn what it meant to truly burn, there was a knock at the door. Suddenly the air went cold and the fire fled from Lorcan’s eyes. The vulnerability in his face was replaced by his cool mask.

“Elide. Go. Hide in the bedroom.” Even though Elide knew the risk, knew that only trouble knocked this late at night, she couldn’t bring herself to end this moment. Lorcane must have sensed her feelings, because quicker than she could have imagined possible, he tangled his hands in her hair and pressed a needy kiss to her lips. It was fast and rough and it made her heart sink. Somehow, it tasted like goodbye, had an edge of finality that she couldn’t understand.

“Please,” he said softly. It was that gentle pleading that broke her, spurred her into action. Before she could even think she had closed the door to the bedroom behind her, keeping. her ear to the door, hoping to hear what was going on.

Voices spoke and then a moment later Lorcan called out for her. “Elide. It’s safe, you can come out now.”

Hesitantly, she opened the door and stepped back out into the main room. The sight that greeted her nearly made her knees buckle.

It was Aelin Galathynius.


	11. Chapter 11

It was Aelin Galathynius.

She was the last person Elide expected to be there, she had been sure her uncle had found her. But no, unbelievably, unexpectedly so, it was her cousin. Her cousin, with her husband looming behind.

Aelin was younger than she expected. Somehow only seeing her on TV the last few years, made her seem older, but Elide had forgotten that Aelin was only a few years older than her. Only a few years older than her to have gone through what she had. What they both had.

Elide wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry or faint. For a moment she felt raw, exposed, standing there in nothing but a short nightgown and robe. The full extent of the brutality she suffered under the hand of her uncle on display. It took all she had to stand there strong, not to hide her mangled leg, to allow the eyes of these two near strangers to take in all the abuse she had suffered through.

Then Aelin smiled, a smile so familiar it nearly broke her heart. All the mischief they had gotten into, all the games they had played together, off on wild adventures in made up lands. She remembered when their parents finally let them get their first phones so they could send each messages all night long. She remembered how devastated she had been when those messages suddenly stopped coming. Only to learn true devastation just days later.

A sob escaped Elide’s lips and they rushed together, their arms going around each other. Elide’s mind couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. Just minutes ago she had been..._kissing_ Lorcan and now she was seeing her cousin for the first time in over a decade. It was nearly too much for her mind to deal with.

A throat cleared and the women broke apart. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin the moment, I know how much this means to you Elide, but Aelin, how are you here? What about the police?” Lorcan gave Aelin a hard look, as if he as even determining how much of a risk she posed to Elide. 

“Right, about that,” Aelin wiped her eyes and looked at Elide, her face growing serious. “You’re uncle has been arrested.”

“What?” shock rippled through Elide and this time, her knees really did give out. Thankfully, Lorcan was there, his strong arms wrapping around her, so much more delicatly than they had earlier. Gently, he lead her to the couch.

“Yeah, we got word a couple hours ago and I came here as soon as I could.”

“But that doesn’t...How? I mean, what happened?” Lorcan pushed a drink into her hands and Elide took a sip. It was water, blessedly. Elide’s mind whirred. She had suffered so long, had been living looking over her shoulder for weeks now, and suddenly, it was all _over?_

Aelin’s husband spoke, and Elide struggled for a moment to remember his name. Rowan. He spoke succinctly, seriously, his voice deep and powerful. “The information you gave us. It wasn’t admissible, because of the way it was obtained, but we were able to use it to dig through everything your uncle has done. When shown the records your uncle kept, the doctors and the judge your uncle paid off to have you declared unfit and award him guardianship, came forward and confessed. From there the police were able to subpoena most of your uncle personal belongings and found records of his extortion.”

Rowan took a breath and Aelin picked up the explanation, “But the final nail in the coffin came in this morning. Someone high up in law enforcement in Colorado, possible even FBI, called in some sensitive information. I’m not sure what it was, but it was enough for the case to move forward. Police moved against him earlier.”

As Aelin spoke, Elide couldn’t help but notice how commanding her cousin’s voice was, how seamlessly she became a leader, like she was born for it. It made Elide somewhat intimidated, out of place, and grateful for the calming presence of Lorcan next to her. “It took calling in a few favors, but San Francisco PD has officially closed their case. You’re free Elide.”

Free.

_What did that even mean?_ For years her goal had been to just get away, to survive each day until she could get away. But now that she was, now that her uncle was behind bars..._what was she supposed to do?_

Aelin smiled, making her look like the girl Elide had known so long ago again. “It’s not over yet, of course. We’ll do our best to make sure Vernon gets charged and sentenced as quickly as we can, but it still could take years to sort through the legal nightmare this is. And eventually, you’ll receive your inheritance, but yeah, it’s a huge mess. But I promise you El, we’ll get you your home back.”

Elide cleared her throat, trying to find her voice. “Thank you. So what happens now?”

“Now?” Aelin smiled, “Now we get your stuff. Now you get to come home. With us. I’m not going to force you to stay holed up here with this moody bastard any longer.”

_Home?_ Elide looked hesitantly at Lorcan. Maybe it was naive of her, but she had expected to stay with him. Almost hoped. Home had become his soft bed and tiny apartment. Aelin, was family, sure. But Elide didn’t know her anymore. Didn’t know the looming male that hovered behind her.

But she knew Lorcan. She trusted Lorcan. She could see the quiet tension in his shoulders, the slight twist of distrust in his face. She could read his soul, the one he tried to hide from her, the one he felt was too stained to be worthy. She saw the gilt of gold that still lingered, the goodness that he buried so deeply in himself, but that he could no longer keep down. 

Lorcan was home.

The room was dead silent for a moment, and then Lorcan shifted and helped Elide to her feet. “Come on, I’ll help you gather your things.”

When they reached the bedroom, Lorcan didn’t speak at first, but gathered her few clothes and her precious new books he had bought her and stuffed them in her backpack, not meeting her eye.

“Lorcan,” Elide said softly. “Lorcan. Lorcan!”

He finally looked at her, his face holding back barely concealed rage and something else that made Elide squirm. 

“Uh, I need to change Lorcan. I can’t go out like this.”

Lorcan glanced at her and finally spoke. “Right, I’ll just step out.”

“No, just, just turn around.” Elide grabbed a pair of her pants and Lorcan’s soft shirt she had been sleeping in and quickly pulled them on, trying not to think about the man in the room with her and how his hands had felt on her just moments ago.

Elide sighed and turned around. “I’m decent.” Lorcan turned and met her eyes.

“Lorcan, about earlier...I..”

He shook his head and cut her off. “We can talk about it another time. You should go Elide. You belong with them.”

Elide chewed on her lip and nodded. She wasn’t quite ready to leave the safety of the bedroom yet though, not ready to step into the unknown. Instead she hesitantly took a step forward and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Thank you. For everything.”

Lorcan only nodded before gathering her things and leading her out of the room. Aelin quirked an eyebrow at Elide’s outfit, but said nothing. Elide looked one last time at Lorcan, to find him looking at Rowan, something unspoken passing between them. A promise exchanged. And Elide knew. He was letting her go.

She took her bag and followed Aelin and Rowan out of the apartment and into her new life. And didn’t look back.

\--

Lorcan flipped through the book, the sound of rain drumming on the window. It was a short romance about a runaway maiden with a secret who joins up with a highwayman with a heart of gold. The plot was predictable, but Lorcan could see why it appealed to Elide. It was decent, but didn’t serve to distract his mind from the thoughts racing through it.

He hadn’t seen that Elide had left it behind two weeks ago because even though he had his bed back, he hadn’t brought himself to sleep in it again. Too many memories, too many thoughts of the softness of her curled against him.The apartment and his life seemed emptier now. The quiet had never bothered him before, but now it was oppressive and ever present.

Two weeks.

It had been _two weeks_.

Two weeks since he woke up without her smile, without the smell of her morning tea. Two weeks since he watched a movie with her tinkling laughter next to him on the couch.

He had seen her, of course. Since she was free, he was able to go to work for real, her safety no longer his concern. Even though it still kept him up at night. He saw her with Aelin, almost everyday, but she was distant now. Already she was becoming brighter, coming into herself, growing.

Good. It was good he would be leaving soon. Good that he was letting her go. Good that he was walking away and allowing her to live without him holding her back.

But it still didn’t stop the shake in his hands.

Lorcan growled and threw the book aside. It was no use. The only reseaon he was in his room, reading the stupid thing was to distraction himself from the stack of paperwork on his kitchen table. The stack that he wasn’t sure what to do with yet.

He had told Aelin today. The process to reenlist was longer than he expected it to be, but finally he had worked it out with the recruiter. He would work out the last couple months of the year before reupping. He owed Aelin that much. But it didn’t prevent her from being absolutely livid with him, it didn’t prevent the shock of betrayal that crossed her face. Or the words that had echoed in his brain all evening.

_You know I’m going to have to tell Elide, right?_

That was the other reason he was hiding in his room. He was avoiding the hurt phone call he was sure to receive any minute. He just had to keep reminding himself he was doing the right thing, letting go of her. He was protecting her, _wasn’t he?_

The soft turn of the lock interrupted his spiraling thoughts. The key he had given her for emergencies. He hadn’t realized she still had it.

Lorcan didn’t leave the room. Maybe it was cowardly of him. But he waited. Waited for her to see the paperwork on the table, waited for her to have her fears confirmed. Part of him hoped she would see them and leave, too disgusted to talk to him. Part of him wanted to see the soft curve of her face, one more time before she couldn’t stand to look at him again.

Eons passed. He heard the papers shuffle. He heard the sharp intake of breath and the soft sob. He heard the silence that came after. 

He was a coward. But it was what was best. Pushing her away.

Eventually, he heard her soft footsteps and the door opened. Elide looked...beautiful. Locan couldn’t help the flash of memory that came at the sight of her, at the feeling of her skin under his hands, and her sounds in his ears. The two weeks had already been good for her. Peace and safety looked good on her. He had heard she was already working on a GED and the confidence it brought made her shine. He allowed himself a second to drink her in before resolutely looking away.

“So it’s true? You’re going back, to her? After everything she put you through?” her voice was quiet with a steely edge to it. He could almost see the barriers going back up.

“Yes.” His answer came out harsher than he intended.

“Why? Why would you do this? It will destroy you. She will destroy you.”

Lorcan refused to meet her gaze “I don’t belong here, Elide. I never have. This isn’t my home. The only home I have ever had has been barracks and bunkers. Maeve was the only home I ever had.”

“That’s a lie. And you know it.” Elide’s voice lost all semblance of gentleness. “You’re afraid because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, to hope for better things for one small moment and now you’re running away.”

Lorcan stood up in a huff, still not looking at her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He pushed himself past her, walking to the kitchen with those dreaded papers. The only pushing him forward was his resolution not to look behind.

“I don’t? What about that night? What about what happened, between us?” Elide followed him, her stubbornness not allowing her to let it go. Lorcan almost admired it, if it didn’t mean he had to do he was about to. Elide had been the one bright light in his life. She had seen and accepted all of him. She was to first person in his entire life who cared enough to offer him peace. To offer him a home.

And he was going to destroy her.

FInally, he turned around, fists clenched to stop the shake, and looked her directly in the eye. “It meant nothing Elide. I could never care about you. I have only ever cared for one person in this life and it’s time I went back.”

The lie tasted like poison on his tongue. And it acted like it too. The color drained from Elide’s face. He could see her resolve weakening, so he did the one thing he knew would shatter her completely. While holding her gaze, he reached over and signed the paperwork.

Elide took a sharp breath and Lorcan was sure she was about to cry, but when she spoke, her voice was clear and sharp. “You’re a coward Lorcan Salvaterre. You’re going to let her destroy you because you’re afraid.”

And then she turned on her heel and left.

The resounding slam of the door echoed through the apartment. And then all was quiet. Because once again, he was truly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only a little sorry


	12. Chapter 12

Lorcan’s phone buzzed as he stepped out of the building. Again. He sighed as he leaned against the wall, watching the other people leave and go about their evenings. Other people like him. 

Broken. Lost. Alone.

He waited until the street was quiet before he fished his phone out of his pocket, snorting to himself when he saw the name. Of course. It rang again in his hand and reluctantly he answered it.

“What?” he huffed out. Maybe he was getting a little better. It had been a long time since he greeted Fenrys with his customary growl.

“I’m here. You know, you have a surprising number of boxes for someone with as little stuff as you. Also, where the hell are you? I’ve been here for half an hour.”

Lorcan groaned. Right. He had completely forgotten about Fenrys coming over. “Sorry, I went out and lost track of time. You know you can just take the TV and leave.”

Fenrys laughed on the other side of the line. “True, but then I would be deprived of the pleasure of seeing your darling face.”

Lorcan truly growled this time earning him another laugh. “Also, Aelin wanted me to check and make sure you’re still planning on coming tomorrow night.”

Lorcan didn’t even address the clear bait. “Right. Well, I’ll be back in five, you can wait or you can leave. I don’t care.” he said and then hung up the phone. He stared at the blank screen and then pushed himself off the wall and began walking home. He had learned long ago it was best not to leave Fenrys alone for too long, not unless he wanted to spend weeks looking for all his left socks. And he didn’t have weeks.

He had days.

Days until he left the city. Days until he left this life. Days until he put thousands of miles between him and a pair of dark eyes that still haunted him.

She had been right, of course. Elide had been. She had been right that going back to the military would destroy whatever was left of his soul. And somehow, she had soothed that little piece of soul he had left. And he didn’t want to go back to being the person he had been before her.

So he didn’t do it. He didn’t reenlist.

Instead, he had gotten rip-roaring drunk and stuffed the paperwork down his garbage disposal. He woke up two days later with almost no memory of what happened except the gnawing pain in his heart and about a hundred missed calls from his recruiter. He still hadn’t called the man back.

It was almost ironic, that finally pushing her away, getting her to walk out his door for good, was what made him realize he wanted to live. He wanted to be all she thought him to be. He wanted to change. He wanted to be more than this shell of a person he had been for too many years of his life, too many years wasted.

The meetings had been a surprise to himself, honestly. He had googled his local group but had no intention of going, of _joining_. But one night, he had just wandered there, just shown up. And kept showing up. The weight of his sobriety coins in his pocket a reminder of where he had been as he climbed the stairs to his apartment. He had three now, his shiny new gold one for two months, the most recent addition.

Lorcan turned opened the door to his now almost empty apartment, bracing himself for whatever Fenrys had done, but was surprised and perhaps a little suspicious to find him just sitting on one of the boxes in the living, the couch already gone.

Fenrys looked up at Lorcan as he entered, a knowing look on his for once, serious face.“You know, I tried to pour myself a drink, while I waited. Not a drop of alcohol in this apartment. Now why could that be?”

Lorcan hadn’t told anyone, of course he hadn’t. It felt too much like boasting, too much like he was trying to earn back something that was never his in the first place. He would likely never tell.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Fen.” Lorcan shrugged off his shoes and then made his way over to where the TV was now sitting on the floor. That stupid TV Aelin had bought for Elide, that stupid reminder. He busied himself with unplugging the various cords and wrapping them up. “What does her highness really want? Did she send you to check and make sure I hadn’t run off?”

Fenrys sighed. Lorcan refused to look at him, sure Fenrys was glaring at him. “Something like that. I think she’s afraid that you won’t show because Elide is going to be there.”

Lorcan tried not to freeze at the mention of Elide’s name, but he was sure Fenrys still saw. It was true. Tomorrow he would see her, really see her for the first time in months. It was Aelin’s annual end-of-year company holiday party, and Elide was going to be there as one of Aelin’s guests. And it was his last contracted work night. It felt fitting, that he would be able to see her one more time.

“I’ll be working the entire time. It won’t be an issue.”

Fenrys gave him a doubtful look and asked, “Are you going to tell her? That you aren’t reenlisting?”

Lorcan shook his head. “I don’t think it’ll change Elide’s opinion of me.”

“I actually meant Aelin, but you know, it’s funny that Elide was the one you thought I was talking about. Maybe we should discuss that…” A wide grin broke Fenrys’s face that quickly disappeared when Lorcan aimed the remote at his head.

“But, really, man,” said Fenrys, rubbing a red mark on his forehead, “Why not tell them? That you’re not going back, that you’re sober, I’m not an idiot by the way...they would want to know. As much as she whines about you, you’re still family to Aelin. To all of us.”

Lorcan sighed. The answer to that was...complicated. Part of him wanted to tell, to let them all he wasn’t the bastard he had made himself out to be that day he burned his bridges. But that was the truth of the matter, he had burned those bridges and there was no getting them back. Any action he took now, it would feel fake, like he was only doing it for their approval. When in reality, he was trying so hard to do it for himself.

“It’s too late, Fen. They should just move on from me. I’m still a lost cause.”

That and he was still a coward. Still unable to face the terrible things he had said to Elide.

That’s why he was still running. And he hadn’t renewed his contract for his apartment when he thought he was reenlisting, fully intending to never come back. His sponsor thought he should get help, instead of running, that he was still trying to lose himself, just differently. Lorcan hated to admit that they were probably right.

“Right, and traveling the world or whatever the hell you’re doing is going to make you better?” Fenrys was really glaring at him now, his voice rising and breathing hard. “Lorcan, you have people here who _give a shit_ if you wake up in the morning. That’s why Aelin and Rowan send me to bug you day after day. We all know you’re a bastard, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re somehow, still family. Running from whatever happened with Elide, with whatever problems you have...it’s not going to make them go away.”

The room was silent for a moment after Fenrys’ outburst. When Lorcan refused to say anything, Fenrys angrily gathered up the TV, that one last reminder of those weeks with Elide, and left, slamming the door behind him. Lorcan banged his head against the wall in frustration. Gods, he was so tired of doors slamming in his face.

“No,” Lorcan sighed and spoke quietly to the empty room. “But, it’ll give her a chance to move on.”

He had known that whatever thing was that was growing between them, he had broken it when he signed those papers. Even if he never went through with it. And what Elide needed now, was a chance to move on. He had seen her, from a distance, a handful of times over the last few months. Seen her grow into the person she already had the potential to be. And that was when he realized he was still holding her back.

So he needed to let her go.

Because he loved her.

—

Elide stood in her bedroom admiring the light purple dress. She loved the way its slight sheen caught the light and the way the delicate lace curled across the neckline. It wasn’t exactly festive, but she had loved the way the color made her hair stand out and made her skin nearly glow. Aelin had seen it on her and insisted she buy it, and Elide hadn’t been able to refuse her cousin.

It was strange, something Elide was still getting used to. _Owning_ things. She had possessions of course, when she lived under the thumb of her uncle, but they were all either remnants of her past life or afterthoughts, thrown at her to keep her placated. Nothing was ever bought for just for _her_, just to see her smile or because it looked good on her or just because she wanted it. Elide would never be as flamboyant as her cousin, but she was finding she actually had tastes and preferences, things she never had the luxury of having before. Her room was full of things she picked out, things she loved, and her closet full of clothes that actually fit and were comfortable. Slowly over the last few months, the place had become home and Aelin and Rowan had become family. 

It was more than the small trinkets that decorated the shelves in her room though. She owned land now. Her childhood home. She had won her civil case against her uncle and her inheritance had been returned to her. Of course, she hadn’t been back to see any of it yet. Her uncle’s criminal case wouldn’t go forward until the next year and since he was out on bail, it wasn’t a good idea for her to go back home yet. But she was learning all she could about it. She had money now, to spend as she pleased with no one to dictate what she did. 

It was really so strange.

“El?” A soft knock sounded on her door. Rowan and Aelin had gone out of their way to make sure she felt comfortable in their large house and giving her much needed control over her own space was one of the ways they had done this.

“Come in!” Elide called over her shoulder. Rowan’s silver haired head peaked inside her door.

“Aelin wanted me to check on you and see if you’re ready to go?” He eyed her dress, still on its hanger.

“Uh, yeah. Will you tell her I’m nearly ready? I just need a couple more minutes,” Elide sighed and plopped down on the bed.

“May I?” Rowan crossed the room and sat down next to Elide at her nod. After a quiet moment he spoke again. “You know, you don’t have to come. Aelin would understand.”

“I know. But I want to come. Plus, I want to be there to support Aelin. How is she tonight, by the way?” Elide asked.

“She’s alright. The doctor said the sickness should pass in a couple more weeks. She’s just resting right now so she has enough energy for tonight.”

Elide nodded in understanding. Aelin’s pregnancy had come as a surprise to all of them. And Elide was so excited for her cousin, really she was, but sometimes, seeing how happy she and Rowan were about this new little life...it added to the gaping hole in her heart. She loved Aelin. She loved Rowan. But sometimes, in the dead of night, when nightmares came and no one was there to comfort her, to hold her, to talk the edge off the panic coursing through her blood...she felt very alone.

The truth of it was, no matter how much she wanted to hate him, Elide missed Lorcan.

“I’ll give you a couple of minutes to finish getting ready.” Rowan stood and gave her a small smile. As walked out and he shut the door, he said, “Really though, if you don’t come, we’d understand.”

Elide smiled back and shook her head. She would never admit it, but not going to the party, not facing Lorcan, it would feel a lot like running. And she was so tired of running.

Elide shook her head and cleared her thoughts. It wouldn’t get her dressed any faster, just sitting here. Quickly, Elide shrugged off her clothes and pulled on the dress, managing to do the zipper by herself. She had already done her make-up, just enough to highlight her eyes, and hair, loose curls pulled back by decorative pins. Now she just needed to pull on her shoes.

Elide turned to where the silvery flats lay and froze. Her brace rested on top, reminding her once again of a man she wasn’t sure she wanted to see. She wanted to leave it behind, but it really did help her walk better. And even if it reminded her of someone she was trying hard to forget, she couldn’t leave it behind. And a voice in the back of her mind, one that sounded suspiciously like Lorcan’s reminded to be armed. Always. Even though she was safe now.

So Elide strapped the brace around her mangled ankle, the way Lorcan once had, and desperately tried not to think of what the night would bring.


	13. Chapter 13

“... and really, this night is for all of you. Our company, my family’s company would been nothing without all of you and your hard work. To all of you.” 

Elide watched Aelin from her seat at a table in the front. She loved seeing her cousin take command of a room, she was nearly a different person up there.

Aelin held her glass up in a toast and the rest of the room followed suit, echoing her words. They all took a sip of their drinks and Elide watched shocked as Aelin did too. Rowan had been standing at Aelin’s side and gently squeezed her hand. Realization dawned in her eyes and Elide watched Aelin discreetly spit her mouthful of champagne back into her glass. Elide was sure no one else in the room noticed, too concerned with their own drinks. But Elide did. For a moment, her cousin’s mask was broken and she met Elide’s eye, her gaze mirthful. Elide giggled softly to herself.

“What’s got you all amused?” a voice asked. Elide glanced over at the man sitting next to her. Connall hadn’t been her first choice of companion for the evening, he was more openly flirtatious than even Fenrys, but he was kind and Elide found she enjoyed talking to him.

“Oh, it’s nothing. A little joke between cousins.” Elide gave him a small smile and took another sip of her drink. They were seated near the front of the room, at Aelin and Rowan’s family table. After the toasts, Aelin and Rowan were making their way around the room, greeting each and every employee present. No wonder Aelin had napped before coming. She would be exhausted before she even got a chance to eat.

A few of Aelin’s other friends sat around the table, many of whom Elide already knew, but a few she didn’t. They were all so kind and welcoming to her, that she didn’t even have a chance to feel strange among them. She had prepared herself to feel out of place, especially knowing how little time she would get with Aelin, but instead she felt like she belonged here, like this could be her home.

She had to shove down thoughts of the last place she felt like she belonged. That little apartment that had felt like her own corner of the universe.

No. She hadn’t seen _him_ all night and she wasn’t going to start thinking about him now. She might go the whole night without facing him. Maybe that would be best. A fitting end.

“So, Elide, Fen told me you just got your GED. That was very fast. You must be very proud, congratulations. What do you plan on doing now?” Connall gave her another warm smile and Elide felt her cheeks redden the smallest bit, unused to praise and attention being showered on her.

“Well, I want to go to college, but I’m not sure where or what I want to study yet. Plus, I have a lot going on with my uncle and all of that. So I think I’m going to just take some time to figure it out.” Elide changed the topic of conversation. She had no desire to discuss her uncle tonight. “What about you? I mean, what do you do? I know Fen works with Aelin, but I haven’t seen you around.”

Connall laughed. “Well, Fen and I, we learned long ago we got along better when we have space from each other and are able to be our own person. So I actually work security for a place out in New York. But Aelin, she’s so good. She flies me out every year for the holidays. Mostly it’s a series of parties, this one, the family Christmas party, New Years. I swear I’m not sober until my flight home. She knows Fen and I don’t get a chance to see each other a lot...Anyway, though, enough about me. College, that's wonderful! But, I can understand about your uncle.”

Elide smiled at Connall. She really, really didn’t want to talk about her uncle, to let him ruin her night. “No, not enough about you, I want to hear more about having a twin. You two had to have gotten into so much trouble!”

Connall laughed and leaned into her as he spoke. They spent some time talking about his childhood and everything he and Fenrys got into. Eventually they moved on to other topics of conversation as the night passed and their food disappeared from their plates. Connall drew closer and closer to her, giving her soft smiles and his full attention. At one point, he reached over a played with a strand of her hair, twirling it around his long fingers.

Elide found she didn’t mind his attention. She wasn’t interested in pursuing anything, not when her heart still felt so raw and used, not when she kept glancing over her shoulder for a man who still hadn’t appeared. But it was nice. Nice to be found _desirable_. 

“It looks like they’ve laid out some desserts, would you like me to grab you something?”

Elide snapped her head over to look at Connall again, not realizing she was searching the room again. “Oh! Yes! Please, that would be lovely.”

Connall’s fingers brushed gently across her forearm as he rose and walked away. His touch didn’t elicit any shivers or make any butterflies appear spontaneously in her stomach, but it was warm and comforting. Nice.

After a few minutes, Connall came back, his hands suspiciously empty. He looked at Elide with a slight grimace and spoke in a rush, as if he couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “Something came up, I’m going to have to leave early. I enjoyed speaking with you. I’ll see you around.”

He bolted from the room nearly tripping over himself, leaving Elide completely astonished. _What had just happened?_

Elide searched the room, looking for some sort of explanation of what had driven off Connall. At first she found nothing, but then she spotted _him_. Looming in the shadows at the edge of the room, not far from where the desserts were, and looking murderous, was Lorcan.

Elide saw red. Her blood boiled and her breaths came in short gasps. The bastard. He had no _right,_ no right whatsoever to interfere. Before she could even think about it Elide was on her feet and crossing the room, seething.

She gave him no chance to prepare, no moment to head her off, she was on him in an instant, absolutely livid.

“What the hell did you do?” she whispered out harshly, mindful of the other guests milling about the room. She grabbed Lorcan’s arm and pulled him further into the recesses of the room, trying to ignore the fluttering in her stomach that came from touching him.

“I have no idea what you are talking about Elide.” Lorcan looked down at her and Elide met his eyes for the first time in three months. His eyes were clearer and his shoulders less weighed down. He looked...he looked good. She couldn’t breathe for a moment. It all rushed back in. The memories, the feelings, how just the brush of him against her had lit her soul on fire. Elide felt stupid for even entertaining the idea of Connall. But it still didn’t stem the flow of her rage.

“No idea what I’m talking about? You bastard. You know exactly what I’m referring to. I was having a perfectly wonderful evening and then Connall comes back from over here looking as if he’s faced his own mortality and runs off. I’m sure you had nothing to do with that.” Venom dripped from Elide’s voice and she didn’t care if it wounded. 

“I swear to you, I didn’t say a single word to him Elide,” Lorcan spoke harshly and shrugged off the hand that was still gripping his arm. He stepped back from Elide and they both glared at each other, breathing hard.

Before either could speak, another security guard approached and whispered in Lorcan’s ear. The man looked between the two of them but didn’t comment. Lorcan nodded at his words and then cleared his throat, turning to speak to Elide again, his voice cold and hard “I’m needed somewhere else. Have a good night Elide.”

He left the room, leaving Elide alone. Anger still coursed through her. She couldn’t, wouldn’t allow him to leave her like this. Before she knew it she was stalking from the room and following Lorcan.

“Lorcan!” He was halfway down a deserted hallway when she caught up with him. He turned to look at her, his face unreadable. “You don’t get to walk away from me, from this. You pushed me away and you were cruel and heartless about it. You don’t get a say, not anymore, in my life.”

She was face to face with him now, agony rippling through her heart. She was so angry. So angry and hurt. She just wanted him to hurt like her. Without even thinking about it, she shoved him, tears filling her eyes. Lorcan didn’t move as if it didn’t phase him, as if he deserved her anger. Again and again and again Elide slammed her fists into him until she could see anymore, until she was sobbing.

“Three months! Three months Lorcan! You didn’t speak a word to me for three months and then when I had one small chance at happiness you ruined it, when I thought that maybe I could move on, you just had to remind me of, of...of everything.”

Her voice broke on the last words and she went to push him again, but Lorcan’s hands finally reached up and encircled her wrists, holding them back. He looked down at her and Elide saw the same agony reflected in his face she felt in her soul.

“Elide,” he said softly, his voice sounded broken, his words carrying deeper meaning. “If he’s not willing to fight for you, he’s worthless.”

And then he was kissing her.  
—

Lorcan had fully intended on not speaking to Elide that entire night. He had fully intended on not even seeing her.

He had never expected to be kissing her in a deserted hallway.

When he had arrived that night, he asked Fenrys to be stationed in the halls or on exterior. Because he was a coward. Because part of him still heard the finality of Elide slamming the door to his apartment ringing in his ears.

But when one of the guards inside the ballroom had needed to step out, Lorcan was up in the rotation to replace him. It was an unfortunate stroke of bad luck. He stuck to the shadows of the room, doing his best to keep an eye out for threats, not to search for her, but Elide, even from across a room, was spectacular and her couldn’t not look at her. She nearly glowed under the dim lights of the room, her dark hair longer than he remembered it, falling in soft waves down her back. Her dress was a lovely purple with off the shoulder sleeves that showed off the beautiful curve of her neck.

He had wanted to murder Connall right there when he made her laugh, so easy and free in a way they never had been. He hated that it was so obvious Elide had moved on, had forgotten him. But he deserved it, he had pushed her away. Watching her get to be happy with someone else was his punishment.

And then Connall had touched her hair. And it had taken everything in his will power not to slice the man’s fingers off right there. He hadn’t even realized the murderous look was still raging across his face when Connall walked past. He had schooled his features into a blank, bland look as soon as he realized, but it was too late, he had seen and run.

Lorcan hadn’t known what to do when Elide yelled at him, her hurt tore him apart. He had caused this pain. So he had taken whatever she lashed at him, taken all her anger.

But he never intended on kissing her.

Their first kiss had been Lorcan’s most cherished memory. It was beautiful and raw and full of tender emotions. It had a moment when he had felt almost human.

But this kiss, this was not that.

This kiss was torment and loathing. It was poison, not life. It was an ending, not a beginning. There was nothing gentle about the way he pressed his lips to Elide’s, pouring all the anguish of the last few months into his every touch. There was nothing soft about the way he grasped her, his touch fierce and bruising. Elide responded in kind, ripping her wrists out of his hold only to bring her hands up to tangle in his hair, her teeth biting on his lip so hard it drew blood, her nails scraping down his neck, surely leaving marks. Her movements were hard and rough, barely contained rage boiling in her every touch, burning his skin in agony where she touched him. She moaned into his mouth and rational, conscious thought left him. It was just need and hate.

Lorcan backed them to the wall, pushing Elide against it, the shock of a cold, hard surface behind her breaking their kiss for a moment, drawing a gasp from her lips. But then he was on her again, taking advantage of her open mouth to slip his tongue in and loose himself in the taste of her. Elide moaned and dragged her hands down to grab fistfuls of his shirt and pull him flush against her, deepening the kiss and biting at his tongue. Every inch of her was pressed against Lorcan and gods, it was intoxicating. She felt so soft against the hard planes of his body, the way she moved under him was burning him alive from the inside out.

Elide rolled her hips against his growing hardness sending a bolt heat through Lorcan’s body. He needed her, _needed _her so badly, every inch of her. He slipped his hands down to her thighs, the way he had before but without an ounce of the gentleness, and grabbed her thighs, wrapping them around his waist. He pressed her harder into the wall, earning him another moan.

Their bodies moved in tandem now, both their minds lost in the haze of passion and hate. Elide rocked against him, whining into his mouth. They were very near a a cliff’s edge and had every intention of throwing themselves off it. Lorcan slipped his hands under Elide’s dress, higher, higher, every brush of his hands against her skin making her writhe. Elide released one of her hands to travel down his chest, stomach, until it reached his belt. They were so close.

Needing to taste her skin, Lorcan broke the kiss to press hot open mouthed kisses to the supple flesh of her neck, that perfect skin that had been tormenting him all evening. Elide whined his name, her voice high and breathless.

His name on her perfect lips was his downfall. It extinguished the fire that was consuming him and brought him back to his right mind.

Yes, he wanted her. He wanted to know every inch of her skin, every curve of her body. But he wanted more than that. He wanted to make her her morning cup of tea. He wanted to go to sleep at night with her cuddled against his chest. He wanted to be sitting next to her as her uncle saw the last light of freedom. He wanted the privilege of seeing her first gray hair and causing the laugh lines around her eyes.

For the first time in perhaps ever, Lorcan saw a future stretching out in front of him. And he wanted it. All of it. The happy, the sad, the hard, the easy. He wanted the stress of life and the joys of truly living. And he wanted to do it all with Elide by his side.

He wanted to stop running away from his problems.

He wanted to live.

And he would never have that if he pushed them over the ledge they were on. She would truly hate him.

Lorcan dropped his hands and allowed Elide to slowly slip down from the wall. He pressed one more gentle kiss to her neck, before wrapping his arms around her, unashamed of the tears that fell from his eyes. Elide just stood there, shocked, but allowed him to crush her to him.

When he broke the embrace and looked down at Elide, she refused to look at him, her own tears staining her cheeks. Her skin was flushed, and not just from the excitement of what they had nearly done. She looked afraid and ashamed

Gently, ever so gently, Lorcan took her face in his hands. He held her as if she was the most precious thing in the world. Because she was. And it was time he treated her that way. With heart-breaking tenderness he wiped away the tears running down her cheeks with his thumbs.

“Elide,” he said. “I know, I know. I have been terrible. Worse. I have been cruel. I can never express how sorry I am for that. I have...I have to tell you something. The truth. I-”

Lorcan’s radio buzzed and he swore. Of course.

Elide looked at him expectedly, her heart guarded. “I have to go.” Lorcan pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead before letting go of her. “I know, I have no right to ask this of you, but will you let me explain? Will you wait for me until this event is over? Please?”

Lorcan prayed to every god that ever could have existed that she would just let him talk to her. He would accept any response, if he just could tell her everything.

Elide met his gaze, biting her lip, her face unsure, but hopeful. And she nodded.

It was the most beautiful thing Lorcan had ever seen.


	14. Chapter 14

It took everything Lorcan had in him to turn away from Elide. Something in his heart whispered at him to stay, but the angry sounds of his radio couldn’t be ignored anymore. He had a job to do. 

When he was halfway down the hall, he turned to look at Elide one more time. She was still where he left her, her arms wrapped around herself. She nodded at him, as if to tell him she would be right there waiting for him when he got done. Lorcan nodded back, cementing the image of her in his mind, a little unkempt after their episode, but still the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

Lorcan turned back and strode down the hallway, only to have Fenrys’ voice yell at him over the radio again. Grumbling, he unhooked the radio from his belt. “What?” he barked into it.

“I need to see you. _Right now_.” None of Fenrys’s typical cheer was in his voice. Instead his words had a vicious bite to them that had even Lorcan taken aback. It ground at him a little too, whatever was bugging Fenrys was keeping him from Eldie.

“Fine. Where are you?” Lorcan growled back at Fenrys. He was not in the mood for any of this.

“Control room.” Fenrys didn’t even bother to sign off. So Lorcan didn’t bother to respond, instead he made his way to the security control room of the building, a couple of flights up. The elevator ride with its tinkling music seemed to go on forever. He just wanted this over with. He just wanted to find Elide.

So consumed in his thoughts that when Lorcan turned the knob an entered the control room he wasn’t even close to prepared for the blur of motion that greeted him. The next thing he knew he was pinned up against the wall. Fenrys had his arm pressed against Lorcan’s throat and he was breathing hard, livid.

“What the hell is your problem Fen?” Lorcan ground out, the words difficult to get out over his friend’s arm. He was nearly gasping for breath, the press of the arm enough to completely cut off his air supply.

“My problem? _MY_ problem? Seriously, how can you even say that to me with a straight face?” There was a wild look in Fenrys’s eyes that Lorcan had hardly ever seen before, only when someone he cared about was hurt. Never, _never _had Fenrys, his brother, one of the few people in life he considered his friend, been like this with him. Never had the full brunt of Fenrys’s fury been directed at him.

Lorcan was able to finally break the grip on his neck and pushed Fenrys away. “What are you talking about?” He was breathing hard now, he could feel the anger rising in him. Lorcan could feel his hands begin to shake and there was a roaring in his ears that sounded like the harsh whip of desert winds. _Not now, not now, not now._ Lorcan struggled to keep ahold of himself, but he could feel the killing calm creeping over him._ No, no, no._

“I saw,” Fenrys ground out. They needed to get out of this tiny room before it was ripped to shreds. This poisonous rage between them would only end in violence. Or Lorcan thought, until Fenrys gestured to the screen. “I saw Lorcan.”

The fight went out of him and Lorcan slumped into one of the uncomfortable office chairs, because there on a screen of one of the many in the room was an image of Elide and him locked in a passionate embrace. His Elide. For the entire world to see. _What had he been thinking?_

  
“You’re lucky I was on cameras tonight and not anyone else! And it was a good thing Rowan was so busy with Aelin and didn’t stop by to check on things! I mean, gods, Lorcan, I could kill you right now! You can’t keep doing this to her!”

“Fenrys, I know,” Lorcan said softly but firmly. “_I know._”

Lorcan’s tone of voice was such a shock he stopped ranting and stared at Lorcan. He slumped into the seat across from Lorcan, the fire in him dimmed, but still raging under his surface.

“How much did you see?”

Fenrys shook his head at Lorcan and scoffed as if couldn’t believe the words coming out of his brother’s mouth. “Enough. I didn’t need to see _that_...see you throwing everything away with her.”

“If you had seen everything...you would know we didn’t, uh, I _couldn’t_...couldn’t let it get that far.” Lorcan stumbled over the words. Allowing himself to be vulnerable, like this, even with Fenrys was difficult. But he had said he was done running away from things, and that meant even this.

Fenrys quirked an eyebrow at him but allowed Lorcan to collect his thoughts. “I realized that I was still pushing her away, still running from, well, from everything. And I’m so tired of running away from my problems. I love her, Fen.”

A moment of silence passed, filling the room. Fenrys nodded to himself, as if deciding to forgive Lorcan, to move on.

“Well, I’m glad you finally figured it.” The rage simmered away and slowly Fenrys returned to his normal self. “I’m still pissed as hell at you though. Seriously, the hallway? You’re lucky I can erase the tapes. If Aelin ever saw she’d have your balls.”

Sheepishly Lorcan rubbed his neck, “Yeah, please erase that. For Elide’s sake.”

“I will. Scout’s honor.” Fenrys looked at Lorcan intently, “So, what are you going to do?”

“Well, first, I’m going to find her and explain everything. Tell her I love her. All of it.” It felt strange, tell Fenrys all of this, but it was also liberating. Like he was finally allowing a part of himself to be free. As if he was finally a whole person.

Fenrys grabbed one of the spare pens lying on the desk and threw it at Lorcan so fast he barely had time to dodge it. “You haven’t told her?! You told _me_, but not her?! What is your problem?”

“Hey! You know what, I was trying to, but someone called me away to throw a huge fit.” 

“Oh,” Fenrys had the decency to look apologetic, “Sorry about that. But after you tell her, will you stay?”

Lorcan shrugged. “I don’t know. It depends on if she’ll have me. But even if she doesn’t, I think I will. You’re right. My family is here. And like I said, I’m done running.”

Fenrys smiled. “Well, then I guess you better go get her then.”

“I guess I had better.” Lorcan laughed, surprising even himself. He could _laugh_.

And for one small, shining moment, everything in Lorcan’s world was perfect.

His light hearted mood lasted until he reached the door. His hand was around the knob, pulling it open, when Fenrys’ phone rang. He was in the hall when Fenrys called him back with the words that would shatter that perfect moment.

“Lorcan. Aelin, Rowan...they can’t find Elide.” Fenrys looked pale, like he was going to be sick

He knew. He knew that very moment what had happened. _Who _had her.

But he had to be sure.

“Who saw her last?” Lorcan’s hands were shaking, but this time he embraced it. He let the rage take him. He would need it. He would need it for what came next.

The rage was better than fear anyway.

“They don’t know yet, but the man posted at the left back door is missing. Rowan is there now. _Go._ I’ll scour the footage to see what I can find.”

Lorcan nodded and then was running down the hall to the stairs. No elevator now, he would be faster on the stairs. And he couldn’t stop. If he stopped, he would have to think about what could be happening. And he couldn’t let that happen. Not now. Elide needed him to focus.

He was downstairs in minutes, his heart racing. He was nearly to the spot he left Elide when his radio crackled to life.

“She left out that back door about half an hour ago. The guard waited five minutes and then I think from the footage, went after her. I can’t tell. They leave the sightline pretty fast.”

_Half an hour ago. Right after he left her. He shouldn’t have, oh gods, why had he left her behind?_

No.

He couldn’t think about it, not now. He had to focus. He had to.

But if Lorcan ever found out that the guard was involved, he would kill him. And take pleasure in it. That death would not haunt him. That blood would wash away easy.

By the time he walked out the door, Rowan and half a dozen guards were fanned out across the heavily landscaped lawn, looking for any trace of what had happened. Rowan looked up at him, his face pale and solemn. “Her GPS says she’s still here. Maybe...maybe she is.”

Lorcan’s mind shifted through the possibilities. She could be. She could be dead already, hidden in the bushes. But it wasn’t likely. Or maybe his heart didn’t want to consider that possibility. Her uncle, he would drag out his revenge. Lorcan felt almost sure of it. He delighted in causing pain, especially on Elide. It was visible in the many scars she wore.

At least, that’s what Lorcan told himself. It was the only chance she had.

Then his brain stumbled on a memory. Of Elide curled up on his couch one night, finally telling him all the details of her escape. Him admiring how clever she had been to leave her phone just in the right spot to spoof her location.

And then he knew why her GPS said she was still here.

It had been left. It was a message.

Lorcan crossed the lawn to the half empty parking lot. And there it was. Shattered screen, but still functional. A clear sign. Vernon Lochan had come for his revenge.

With shaking hands Lorcan picked it up and carried it back to the building. Every cell in his body protested at the motion. He needed to go. _Now. _He needed to get on the road and hunt Vernon down and tear him apart.

But first, he had to tell Aelin. Had to look her in the eyes and tell her how desperately he had failed her. Had failed Elide.

He could see her now, shaking in Rowan’s arms, standing there in the dark night. They looked over at him as he approached.

Rowan cleared his throat. “We found the guard. It was Rogers. He’s dead.”

Lorcan nodded. He had expected it, after seeing how cleverly placed Elide’s phone was. He didn’t want to be the one to tell them, but he had to. He had to.

Rowan continued speaking. “We still haven’t found a single sign of Elide, Lorcan. We’ll keep looking until we do.”

“There’s no need,” Lorcan lifted the phone up to show the pair. “Vernon Lochan has her. I’m positive he does.”

And then Aelin Galathynius collapsed.  
\--

She shouldn’t have gone outside. She knew this.  
She shouldn’t have left herself think she was safe.

She shouldn’t have left herself get lured into thinking that since he was so far away and under house arrest that she was safe from her uncle.

She should have remembered that Vernon Lochan was a cruel man. _He never forgot_. He was always planning, always scheming.

And she had wronged him most of all.

But she had gone outside and she hadn’t thought about her safety once. Instead Elide had been consumed with thoughts of Lorcan. The way he had felt against her, the way his touch had made her feel. The way he had looked at her when he stepped back, so soft, so vulnerable, _so human_.

And because her mind was elsewhere, she didn’t hear the steps behind her. She only knew she was in trouble when there was a flash of blinding pain in her head and then utter blackness.

When she woke up, she was staring into the face of her uncle. Less human then the last time she had seen him, more haggard, more vicious, the planes of his cheeks sharp and his eyes wild.

Elide Lochan knew she was in trouble. She had let her guard down, and now she knew she was going to pay dearly for it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW- as you know from the last chapter, Elide has been kidnapped. Her uncle has lost his humanity and is completely off his rocker. He hurts her, degrades her, and implies that he will allow her to be sexually assaulted before killing her. If you want a spoiler version of what happens, read the end notes. I have also updated the tags for this fic, btw.

Consciousness had come and gone many times since the party. She must have really over done it on the drinks. Funny enough, Elide didn’t remember drinking that much. It could have been minutes or hours since that hallway. Or even days. Elide would have had no way of knowing. Finally, though, she clawed her way to the surface, fighting against the unconsciousness that continued to threaten the pull her under.

Slowly, she became aware of her body. Her arms felt funny, fuzzy, as if she had fallen asleep in a weird position that night. She must have really been drunk the night before, as she could still feel the satin fabric of her dress against her skin. She hadn’t even changed before going to bed. And her mouth. Something was definitely wrong with her mouth; it felt dry and gummy, like her lips didn’t want to come apart.

_Think, think,_ she told herself. Something was happening. Something was wrong. The thought felt far away, just out of reach, like a word on the tip of her tongue that she just couldn’t get out. The fog of her hangover clouded her thoughts again, obscuring whatever that vague _something_ was from her.

_What time was it? _Elide rolled over to check her clock. White hot pain seared through her brain, leaving her dazed. 

And it all came back.

She wasn’t at home. She wasn’t hungover. Vernon had come for her. Him and his men. He had taken her, shoved her in the trunk of a car with a cruel smirk. He had taken her.

_Where was she now?_

Elide’s eyes flew open, causing her to wince in pain, only to be greeted by complete and utter darkness. Panic started to course through her blood stream, but Elide forced herself to take deep breaths. She wouldn’t get out of this if she wasn’t calm. She needed to stay calm. _Oh, gods, where was she?_

She closed her eyes again since they were useless now in the dark. It brought instant relief to the aching in her head. _Think, think, think, _she told herself. Allowing her other senses to talk control, Elide tried to determine where she was, and what was going on.

The place she was laid on felt hard, carpeted, but rough and hard. She could hear the rumble of an engine under her and the sounds of busy roads around her, though she wasn’t currently moving. She couldn’t stretch out all the way, without reaching the walls of her confinement, or sit up. So she was still in the trunk of the car. Elide wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not about it. It meant her uncle still wasn’t at their final destination, which meant she was relatively safe until then. But how much longer would it be?

Slowly, Elide took stock of her body and injuries. Other than some soreness in her ankle and her legs from being in such a cramped position, her only injury seemed to be her head. There was a crusty film on her neck and her hair felt matted and damp. Blood. Elide tried hard not to move her head too much, it caused nausea to fill her every time she did. Not a good sign. It was likely she had a concussion. Her arms and wrists were bound by tape, far too tightly. Flexing her fingers, Elide worked some blood back into her stiff joints, but it was almost no use, the numbness remained. She would have to figure out how to loosen the tape. Her mouth was also taped shut, but her legs were blessedly unbound.

Elide smiled even though it hurt.

Vernon always underestimated her.

A quick rub of her legs together informed her that, yes, blessedly yes, her brace still remained on. Slowly, achingly slow, Elide contorted herself as to reach the brace. The knife, that tiny little thing, was still there.

Tears sprang to Elide’s eyes. She wasn’t completely defenseless. She was sorely tempted to remove the blade right then and there and cut her bindings, but she knew she couldn’t. Using it now would just alert her uncle to its existence. And even if she managed to get free, how far could she possibly get on foot? She needed to wait. Wait until the last possible moment. Wait until the time was right.

But for what? Would anyone even come of her? Or would the small blade be her last act of defiance against her captor as she died, so very, very alone?

The dark thoughts threatened to overwhelm her, threatened to drag her into complete and utter hopelessness, threatened to turn her mind over to the blind panic she was just barely holding at bay. _Alone._ She was alone and trapped. She had no idea where she was or where her uncle was taking her. She was going to die a cruel, long, painful death. And she would do so alone. Without a soul to hold her hand as she took her last breaths.

No.

They would come for her. Images, warm and welcoming, of her new little family, of Aelin and Rowan and Fenrys and Lys and so, so many more, filled her mind. It brought a tiny glimmer of hope to her soul. They would come for her.

And Lorcan.

The image of him as he looked back at her in the hallway, open and vulnerable, and so human and so hopeful flooded her mind.

Lorcan would come for her. She knew it deep in her bones. He would come. And he would make Vernon pay. Even if she died, he would come to die with her.

So no, she had to hold out, had to wait out whatever her uncle threw at her, wait until the right moment to use that little blade to work her way free and escape. She could hold out, she could bear whatever came next, just for the tiny hope someone would come for her.

A more pressing need began to fill Elide’s thoughts. The car started to move again, the movement rocking her body, making her stomach lurch. But that wasn’t all. The movement put pressure on her bladder, letting her know it had been some time since she had been able to relieve herself. She would need to go soon. Very soon.

The thought chilled her. It meant facing her uncle finally. Facing his brutality, his cruelness. Facing whatever he had in store for her. But it also meant being let out of the trunk and a breath of fresh air.

She held on as long as she could. It could have been an hour or two, or only a few minutes but she wouldn’t have known for sure. She only knew darkness and the pain in her head as the car moved along the road.

Eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to get out. Elide banged her fists on the back of the car seats, again and again. After a couple of minutes, she heard the muffled sounds of someone yelling at her and felt the car begin to slow down. Finally, it pulled to a stop and Elide heard the crunch of gravel under feet as they approached the trunk. The lock clicked and the hood lifted, revealing the face of her uncle.

She had seen a flash of him, maybe when she had been tied up and shoved in the car, but now, she was able to get a good look at him. All traces of humanity were gone from his face, the planes of his cheeks hollow, haunted, as if he hadn’t eaten in months. Elide only saw unending darkness and evil. Pure evil. It made her shiver.

“What do you want, girl?” he sneered. Even now, now that she was fully in his power, he still wouldn’t use her name.

Elide tried to talk, but the tape prevented her from speaking. A spiteful grin came across his face and he reached down and yanked the tape off her face so forcefully it made tears fill her eyes. When she was able to talk, her lips stung and she could taste blood.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Elide cursed the weakness in her voice, and it made her feel small in the face of her captor.

If the grin before had frightened her, it had nothing on the look of malicious pleasure that crossed her uncle’s face now. It sent shivers down Elide’s spine and made her instantly regret saying anything at all.

“Alright,” his grin widened. He gestured to someone Elide couldn’t see. “Get our guest out of the car. Our little princess needs to piss.”

Rough hands dug into Elide’s shoulders and arms as she was lifted out of the trunk and forcefully set on her feet. The movement and then suddenly being upright set Elide’s head spinning again and she doubled over on her unsteady feet and vomited into the grass. She heard cruel chuckles behind her and she had to force back down tears. She would not show these men any weakness.

Behind her, she heard her uncle calling someone over and when she turned around she was greeted by many familiar, but unfriendly faces. There was her uncle’s foreman, who had heard every beating she ever received. There was that ranch hand whose eyes always lingered on her too long whenever he saw her. There was the one who had set her broken ankle, the whiskey on his breath mingled with the smell of her blood, making her want to vomit. So many men she had known by look only, but each and every one of them had known her. Known what her uncle had done to her. Each and everyone of them guilty in someway, cruel and past forgiving. She hated every single one to them.

Elide was also able to take in her surroundings. Dusty road was all she could see for miles, which meant they were probably no longer in California. They were far off the highway, not another car in sight. Not a building in sight. Even if she got free, she would have nowhere to run.

“Gather round gents,” her uncle called. “Our little lady here has offered to put on a show for you all.”

Horror filled Elide’s now empty belly. He wasn’t going to give her a single bit of privacy. No, he was going to put her on display, for all the grimy eyes in front of her to see. She began to shake uncontrollably. Her uncle had always been unfeeling before, but this was something entirely new.

Seeing her obvious discomfort, her uncle grinned again, before forcefully taking a fistful of Elide’s hair in his hands, making her cry out in pain as he made her meet his eyes. She couldn’t prevent the tears that we squeezed from her eyes from falling on her cheeks.

“Did you think I was going to make this easy on you, girl? I held back before, but now...now you’ll get what you deserve.” His face was so close to Elide’s she see the endless black of his eye and smell the foulness of his breath. So close was he and so vehement were his words, that his spittle flew all over her face, only making him grin more. “You’re lucky, little witch, that I need you somewhat whole to convince your dear, sweet cousin I’m going to give you back. I want to make her so hopeful before I crush the little bitch’s soul. And then once I do, I’ll let each and every one of my men have their way with you before I end you. And maybe after I do too. So you see little Elide, you better get used to this. Because I am going to make the last few days of your life as much of a hell as you and that cousin of yours have made mine these last few months.”

He released Elide’s hair with a shove. She couldn’t prevent the whimper from escaping her lips as she reeled from her uncle’s words. He was going to kill her. _Oh, gods, he was going to kill her. _As soon as he got whatever he wanted from Aelin, he was going to kill her. Panic made her stomach roil again, but she shoved down the feeling. She couldn’t, wouldn’t fall apart. Not now, not with all of these cowards looking at her.

“Well, girl, get on with it. We have a long trip ahead of us before we get home, and we’re quite bored.” 

Elide didn’t care whose voice it was that spoke to her, she just lifted her dress as high as she dared with the leering eyes on her and slipped her underwear down. It was awkward with her bound hands, but she was able to preserve a little of her modesty, but not much. She prayed to every god she knew that she would be able to urinate and quickly and get away from these eyes that made her skin feel dirty with their looks.

Catcalls sounded as she peed, but Elide refused to look at the men, refused to let them break her, refused them let them see the shaking of her legs and the trembling in her fingers. Instead she looked at the sky, the early blue-gray of the morning, marveling at the beauty of the day, thankful for the chance to see the sky before being shoved back in the trunk. Blessedly, she was able to go and pull back up her underwear before anyone was able to look at her too long. But it didn’t keep her from wanting to wash away the feeling of having all those faces looking at her.

Groans sounded as Elide adjusted herself, uncomfortably wet, but relieved to be covered again, to be protected. He uncle approached again and finger down her cheek as he spoke, “You know, maybe if you’re good, I’ll make it a quick death. Next time, I would think about putting on more of a show.” His sneer sent shivers down her spine. But Elide refused, refused, refused, r_efused _to allow these creatures to get the pleasure of seeing her vulnerable anymore.

Rough hands pushed her back into the trunk and slammed to hood, leaving her in utter darkness once again. For the first time since she woke up in the car, she was grateful for it. This trunk, it suddenly became her solace. At least she was alone here, at least there were no wandering hands or leering eyes.

Elide allowed herself finally break down. The tears she had held back broke free and her body was wracked with silent sobs. She wouldn’t give anyone in the car the satisfaction of hearing her cry. Panic erupted in her and she tried to scrub away the feeling of all those eyes on her, but her bound hands made it impossible. The reality of everything, of her situation, of her imminent end, only made the tears come harder and faster until she was in full blown hysterics. Never had she allowed herself to fall apart like this before, but what else could she do? What other options did she have? She was going to die, and her uncle was sure to make it as unpleasant and humiliating as possible. She was going to die, completely alone.

_NO._

They would come for her, she reminded herself. She had to believe they would, that they wouldn’t fall for whatever lies her uncle told, that they would know.

She just had to hold out until they came. She had to keep fighting.

The thought, though not exactly comforting, brought her some semblance of calm. She would fight. She wouldn’t give up, not until her last breath.

She wouldn’t allow herself to be made a spectacle of, not again, even if it meant soiling herself. She could live with that if it kept her away from all those men and their eyes. If it kept her safe from them for a little while longer.

Eventually, Elide calmed and the darkness soothed her, cocooned her in its relative safety and she was able to fall asleep.

\--

Sirens blared all around him. But Lorcan couldn’t hear a thing. His mind was numb and only one thought reverberated through his brain, over an over and over again.

Elide.

Elide.

_Elide._

He had to find her. He needed to find her. How long had it been since she had gone missing? An hour? Two? The paramedics had shown up only minutes after Aelin had fallen, so not too long. But every moment he waited was another moment Elide got further away. _What was he still doing here? Why wasn’t he gone yet?_

A paramedic bumped into him, bringing Lorcan back to the present.

Aelin, right.

After he had told her and Rowan about Elide, she had collapsed, sending Rowan into a spiral. Because she was _pregnant._

Lorcan hadn’t even known. He had been focused, so focused, the last few months on pushing everyone away, that he had no idea. But it seemed so clear to him now. Her wane face in meetings, her unusually late mornings, the lack of coffee in her mugs.

And now she might lose this baby. Because of _him._ Because he had so utterly failed Elide and his family. Because he had pushed everyone away instead of dealing with his problems. Because he had left Elide alone and she went outside. It was his fault.

Which is why he was still here. Waiting. Waiting to know if Aelin was going to be ok. If the baby would be ok. Even though it killed him, even though his heart was begging him to leave, to run, to find Elide. Lorcan was done running though, he had promised he was. So he was going to face this.

And then he was going to find Elide.

She would have killed him if he’s left without making sure Aelin was ok anyway.

“She wants to talk to you.” A voice shook Lorcan from his thoughts. Rowan was standing in front of him, his usually neat hair a wreck and his face vulnerable. 

“She’s awake?”

Rowan nodded. “And giving the paramedics hell for coddling her. She won’t let them take her to the hospital until she sees you.”

Lorcan nodded and followed Rowan to the ambulance. It was just like Aelin. He wanted to smile, but the gravity of everything that was going on wouldn’t let him. Instead, he stepped into the ambulance and took in Aelin’s pale face. She looked small there, with tubes and wires all over her body, but her face filled with the same fiery passion it always had.

“Don’t look at me like I’m going to fall apart. I’m fine. The baby is fine. There’s nothing wrong with me, it was just stress. The question is, what the hell are you still doing here?”

Lorcan was taken aback, “I-uh-I wanted to make sure you were ok befor-”

“Great, I’m so glad that the great, stony Lorcan Salvaterre had found his heart. _Wonderful_, everything is falling apart, and the one person I could count on to rip Vernon to shreds has suddenly found his humanity. Just great.”

Lorcan huffed at Aelin in annoyance. “Aelin, I’m going, I jus-”

Aelin held up a hand and cut him off. It was as if all the fire had gone out of her. “Then _GO_. Lorcan, please. Please go find my cousin. I’ll be fine, I’ll be better, if I know you are going after her. I can’t, not in the condition I’m in. So I need someone I know will fight for her to find her. Please, go find her.”

Solemnly Lorcan nodded. “I will Aelin, I’ll bring her back safely.”

“And Vernon’s head.” Lorcan chuckled darkly, tears in his eyes and leaned over and kissed Aelin on the forehead. “I’m not kidding Salvaterre.”

“I know. I’ll make sure he can never hurt her again.”

“Good.”

Lorcan stepped out of the ambulance, feeling determined. He could go now. He would go now. Rowan shoved a set of keys in his hands.

“Go get her.”

Lorcan could only nod. He loosened his tie and ran for Rowan’s waiting car. He begged Elide to hang on, not to lose hope. He was coming for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks, thanks for sticking with me! I promise Elide is going to be ok. Sorry this chapter took a bit longer to update, I realized it was wayyyy to long and needed to rearrange a few things, which is part of the reason Lorcan's part wasn't as long. Thankfully, that means the next chapter is already in the editing phase!
> 
> Spoiler TW
> 
> Elide wakes to find herself in the back of car. She is injured, concussion, and can feel blood on her neck. She forces herself not to panic though. However, she realizes she needs to use the bathroom and eventually asks to be let out. Her uncle forces her to pee with all of his men watching her, humiliating her and degrading her as a show of control he has over her. He also makes it very clear he will not hold anything back, plans to kill her, and will likely let all his men rape her before he kills her. He is only keeping her whole right now until he gets what he wants from Aelin, but will kill her once he does. Elide is shoved back in the car and she breaks down, panics, and goes into hysterics. Its only the thought of her found family and her will to fight and survive that keeps her sane.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Similar TW to the last chapter

He didn’t go home first. There was no point. He was always armed to the teeth for work. And that was all Lorcan needed. Food could wait. Sleep could wait. It all could wait. 

Elide could not.

He had never been so grateful for his training. For years he had murdered his body, put it through every form of hell and torture imaginable so he could be wielded as a weapon in the hands of a woman he knew now never deserved him. But now, using his training to save the woman who deserved the world...he was almost glad he had suffered through so much. Glad to be able to put himself to use. Glad he had fought every enemy he had because it brought him to her, made him stronger for her.

Time was his enemy now.

He didn’t have enough of it.

Lorcan didn’t stop except when he had to. Only for gas. He ate as he drove. He didn’t rest. He _couldn’t_ rest, not when Elide was so far ahead of him. Vernon had hours on him. Hours to be doing whatever it was he wanted with her.

That thought alone had him pressing the pedal harder to the floor of Rowan’s car.

No matter how fast he drove though, it seemed the time on his gps never seemed to speed up. After what felt like miles of driving, only a few minutes had actually passed. It made his stomach roil and his heart pound.

_Faster, he had to go faster._

Time was his enemy now.

He had too much of it.

Too much time to think.

Lorcan couldn’t stop the thoughts as the miles passed behind him. The what ifs. The doubts that continued to creep in on him. If only he had stayed. If only he had told her earlier. If only he hadn’t left her alone all those months. _If only, if only, if only._ The mantra pounded through his head until it was pulsing through his blood. He had so many regrets in life. This would be his biggest one if he didn’t get to her in time.

Lorcan’s hands trembled on the steering wheel. The warrior facade he had crafted for so many years, he worn with pride, cracked. Elide had given him weakness, had given him back his beautiful, precious humanity. And he couldn’t hide behind that mask now. Couldn’t feel anything but the very real terror he had felt from that moment he learned she was missing.

Only the buzzing of his phone interrupted the unending, unwavering torture of his thoughts. He was over halfway now, but the road still stretched on for miles ahead of him.

Lorcan didn’t bother with a greeting as he spoke. He had no time for them right now, he could only focus on the road and the words coming from his mouth and the pain in his heart that pulled him forever onwards.

“What’s the news?”

Rowan spoke on the other side of the line. “We received a ransom call.”

Lorcan had anticipated it, but he could still feel the world drop out from under him.

“What does he want?”

Lorcan could hear the destitution in Rowan’s voice. “15 million. He’s giving us ten hours.”

Lorcan swore. “That’s not enough time. I need more time. Rowan, you have to stall him. Something. Has he sent proof of life yet?”

“No. And Lorcan, even if we had that kind of money laying around, I don’t know if we can wire it to the account he gave us in that amount of time.” The worry Lorcan felt in his gut was reflected in Rowan’s voice. “I don’t know what he’s playing at, but he’s up to something. Especially with no proof of life.”

Time was his enemy.

And it was running out.

_For the both of them._

“He’s going to kill her.” It was the unspeakable truth. There was no other end for Elide in this situation. Her uncle had no plans to give her back, to let her family find some peace. He was going to kill her.

“He’s losing his mind. Whether he gets the money or not. He’s going to kill her, Rowan.” Lorcan didn’t care that his voice broke on those words, that it betrayed the shattering of his new found soul.

“Buy me time.”

He hung up the phone, not caring if Rowan was finished speaking or not. He couldn’t keep speaking about it. The words on his lips tasted vile, speaking of Elide’s death.

Rowan had to get him more time.

He _needed_ more time.

Lorcan could feel his sanity slipping. His gps read less than nine hours till he arrived. If he made only quick stops, he would have just enough time. 

Maybe.

But then what would he do? Besides the address, Rowan and Aelin had given him very little information about the place. He would be walking in blind.

He needed help. That was the sad fact. There was no way Lrocan could do this alone. But all his friends were back in California, and none of them would arrive in time to help.

Lorcan sifted through every detail Elide had told him about her life with her uncle. _Why hadn’t he asked her more about the ranch?_ He didn’t even know how big it was or where the house was located. She had mentioned that from her room she could see her mother and father cooking together in the kitchen. That was something he could go on. But he knew so little. He was so woefully unprepared. 

He needed help.

_Elide had had help._ The thought nearly struck him dumb. It was so easy to think of her alone, trapped with her uncle, that Lorcan forget that she hadn’t escaped completely unaided. There had been a woman, at the restaurant. She had helped Elide. And from what Elide implied, there had been more to her work than met the eye.

She was exactly the kind of person Lorcan needed.

Praying to the gods, Lorcan scrolled through Elide’s damaged phone, hoping that she had left behind some sort of clue.

And there it was. One contact amongst the small handful Elide had. All of them people he knew. Except for this one.

Manon Blackbeak.

The dial tone as the phone rang was the best thing he had heard all day.  
-  
It wasn’t her bodily needs that woke her, or the trunk opening, or the car stopping, but the cold. December afterall, meant cold, outside of California. Most of her life, the cold of winter in Colorado had been one of her favorite things. It brought the peace of the first snowfall and the joy of the holidays. But now, now it brought only misery.

So cold, she was _so cold._

She shivered there in the back of the trunk, her dress wet and uncomfortable. Elide knew better now than to ask her uncle for anything. He would only use it as an opportunity to degrade and humiliate her. Instead, she curled herself tight, hoping to preserve a little of her own warmth.

The cold worried her for another reason too. She hadn’t been sure before, where her uncle was taking her, but now, she was almost certain. Home. He was going to take her home. To her parents' house. He would kill and..whatever else, her there. It was fitting, something only his twisted mind would think of to do. He would defile the last reminder of her parents by destroying their only child in it.

Elide tried not to think about it, her end. She wouldn’t, _couldn’t _let herself be taken over by panic again. It was the only way she would stay sane, stay rational, not dwelling on the pain that was sure to come.

Instead, she did her best to investigate the trunk, find anything that she could use to cover herself, trap her own body heat. But there was nothing. She tried to sleep again, sleep through the discomfort, but it wouldn’t come anymore. So cold. Her ankle had always ached in the cold, but adding being trapped in the trunk of a car, and she was in agony. Every joint seemed to scream at her. 

Then the shivering started. And once it started, she couldn’t stop. The tremors wracked her body, uncontrolled and almost painful. She tried to rub warmth into her arms, but her bound hands were nearly useless, her already blood deprived fingers painful in the chilly arm, the skin cracked and bleeding under the tape.

But Elide wouldn’t give in. She would suffer through the pain and discomfort. She refused with her entire soul to give her uncle the chance to humiliate her again. She would bear it all with her dignity intact. Until the very end.

Eventually, the car stopped again, probably pulling off for gas or something. Elide heard voices and footsteps and crossed her fingers that they wouldn’t open the trunk. She breathed a sigh of relief when the car started moving again.

If only she was that lucky though.

The car pulled to a stop again a few moments later, the engine idling. She heard doors open and footsteps approach the trunk. A second later, it open, revealing the light of the setting sun and snow gently falling from the sky. And of course the leering face of her uncle, but she tried not to look at him. Instead, she turned away from him and the cold air from the open trunk door, but couldn’t hide the uncontrollable shivering of her body.

“You know, girl, you could have told me you were cold. I would have been happy to let someone warm you up.”

Elide refused to turn over and look at him. “No thank you.”

She could almost feel Vernon’s smirk, the oily feel of his eyes on her skin making her shiver for completely other reasons. “I’m not sure anyone would want you anyway, crippled and smelling like piss. But here, I can’t have you freezing to death on me, not yet anyway.”

Vernon threw something heavy and thick over Elide’s face before slamming the trunk shut again, rattling the entire vehicle with the force of it.

Elide wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t draw the air to, the weight of the blanket over her face suffocating her and she was nearly helpless to remove it. The additional degradation broke the already tenuous control she had over her nerves.The pressure, the heaviness, oh gods, _she couldn’t breathe_. Eldie clawed at her face, begging for the suffocating force to be relieved, crying out for air. But her bound hands made it nearly impossible. Tears were streaming down her face now, she needed the thing off. _Now._ Off, off, off, off, off. _Get it off_. Her thoughts were in a panic now, every breath she took burned her nose, she could only focus on getting that thing off. Back and forth Elide writhed, her useless hands scrabbling for any purchase. Her head spun and she could feel herself growing faint

Until, blessedly, she felt the cool rush of fresh air.

Slowly she struggled out from under the thickly folded blanket. For a moment, she didn’t even move, just laid there, breathing in the fresh air that joyously filled her lungs. And then she allowed herself to cry. Again, she felt violated, that her abasement was her uncle’s pleasure.

Rationally, Elide knew somewhere in the back of her mind she probably wouldn’t have suffocated, but already being in a tiny space...it had just made the walls close in on her, to be that utterly helpless.

It made her end feel so very near now.

When she was calm, Elide worked to unfold the heavy blanket. It wasn’t comfortable, and though she couldn’t see it, she was sure it was one of those thick, scratchy moving blankets. But it would keep her warm. It would keep her alive. It would do.

With the insulation of the blanket, Elide slowly felt her body warm up, but the shivering continued for a long time. Eventually they too subsided. She felt herself drifting off, lulled to sleep again by warmth and the steady rocking of the car.

But she wouldn’t allow herself to sleep. Not anymore. She had been reminded, once again, that her end was imminent, that she had no control here, and very little hope. She was going to die. She wasn’t going to stop fighting, but she accepted it. _She was going to die_. And she would be damned if she spent the last hours of her life sleeping.

Instead she said goodbye. To every soul that had blessed her life these last few happy months. To every friend she had made.

Lysandra.

Fenrys.

Connall.

Rowan. The brother she had needed, stoic, yet so kind. She loved the way he loved her cousin. She knew Aelin would be ok with him, he would carry her through the grief of her death.

Aelin. Elide couldn’t hold back her tears. Her cousin. Her sister. Her best friend. That first night she had spent with Aelin after her uncle was arrested, they had talked and talked and talked, all night long. There had been tears and laughter and much chocolate eaten. Elide had known then that she had found her home again. It killed her now, to know she would never meet her cousin’s child, would never get to see Aelin be a mother. Never get to know what parent the baby looked more like.

And Lorcan.

Elide almost couldn’t think of him.

The last three months had felt like such a waste. Her anger at him evaporated. He was as hurt and lost as she had been, running from entirely different kinds of demons. She wished she had stayed, stayed and fought with him by his side. Stayed with that beautiful, broken man who had saved her in so many ways. Who had convinced her she could stop running and start living.

She wished she had told him.

That she lov-

A familiar crunch of gravel interrupted her thoughts.

She knew this drive.

There was a spray of gravel from the turn he always took too fast followed by the whinny of the horses that always took offense at the rocks hitting their legs.

She knew this place like she knew the map of her own skin

There was a bump from the sinkhole her uncle never bothered himself to fix.

She knew where she was.

Elide Lochan had come home.


	17. Chapter 17

Elide could barely feel the rough hands that’s gripped her arms and pulled her out of the truck. She didn’t notice the cold stealing through the blanket she had draped around her shoulders. She couldn’t feel the throbbing ache in her ankle from putting weight on it after so long cramped in the car.

Elide could only see the house.

It was still the dreamhouse of her childhood, with its long wrap around porch and ranch style front. It was still had her little tire swing hanging on the old cedar tree out front that she spent many an afternoon being pushed by her mother. It still had the rusty tractor on the side her father had bought on a whim and never fixed up, leaving it to become her childhood playground.

But that was were the dream ended. Somehow, it had also become a nightmare. In the last few months since she left, the rest of the house had become nearly unrecognizable.

Gone was the front door her mother had lovingly painted a brilliant shade of green, the paint chipped over the years. Gone were the flower bushes her father had adored. All of those memories, gone.

But it was worse than that.

The windows were mostly smashed in and a few were boarded up. The glass had clearly never been cleaned up as Elide saw it glittering in the moonlight.

The porch awning looked like someone had taken a sledgehammer to the supports and was threatening to collapse at any moment.

The chimney had been torn down, leaving a gaping hole in the side of the house.

The white siding was black in places, as if it had been burned.

Elide bit back tears, unable to form the thoughts to understand the brokenness she felt at the sight of it all. The last standing reminder that her parents had lived, had left their mark on this world...Destroyed, broken, sullied. All of it. Ruined by the insanity of her uncle's broken soul.

The inside was infinitely worse.

The furniture that remained was mostly broken. The old wallpaper was torn and brown was smeared on every wall. It smelled like waste and death as if the last remaining life in the house had been beaten out of it.

As if the very heart of it had been ripped out.

The men gripping her arms shoved her in the direction of her father’s office where she was roughly pushed into a barely stable chair. They handed her a newspaper to hold awkwardly in her still bound hands and had her repeat some words she couldn’t comprehend, didn’t even hear. She couldn’t hear them, not over the roaring of despair in her veins

Dying. Dying Dying.

She was _dying_. Every tick of the clock brought her closer to her imminent end. She was dying, just like this house.

Together, she and this house would end and that would be it. The last of the Lochan family would disappear.

And she could go home to her parents.

Angry fingers gripped her arms again and dragged her away from her father’s office and down the hall. Past the staircase that had caved in, past her mother’s bookcases that had long been empty. To her lonely room at the end of the hall.

It barely looked like her room anymore. Her beautiful sleigh bed was missing as well as her desk that she had spent many an hour at drawing and writing away the loneliness in her heart. The flower stickers she had so long adored had been torn from the walls, and there was more suspicious brown smeared all over the room. Any knick knack she had left behind had been piled in the middle of the room and burned.

Tears pooled in her eyes. Nothing, _nothing_ was left of her childhood, not anymore. And soon even she wouldn’t be left.

Elide could hear the voices of her uncle and some of his men down the hall. She hated the sound of their voices, one more thing to defile this beautiful house. Hated that they may be the last things she ever heard.

Dying, she was _dying_.

But she be damned if she was the only one to die here, tonight.

She would make as many of them pay as she could for debasing the memory of her parents before she joined them.

So Elide tucked the blanket around herself and waited.  
-  
The restaurant was not what Lorcan had expected. When Elide ad described her escape and time there, he had expected it to be a trashy, whole in the wall, the kind of place her uncle would love to force her to work. But it was surprisingly nondescript, a boring chain that could have been anywhere in the country. Close enough to the city to get good traffic, but just far enough away that is was quieter at night. The only thing that made it meaningful in anyway to him was that it was Elide’s only freedom from her uncle.

The lights were all off when he pulled up, already closed up for the night. He slipped through the side kitchen door, instructed that it would be left unlocked and unarmed for him. He tried not to think of Elide that night, slipping out this exact door to make her escape. He tried not to think about how he had been in the same state as her, wallowing in self pity and alcohol while she had been running for her life.

There was so much he would go back and change if he could.

The interior was as bland as the exterior. It was eerily quiet inside, the only sound the soft murmur of voices from the kitchen. The weapons strapped to his body and his adrenaline fueled mind felt out of place in such a normal space.

But normalcy went out the window when he stepped into the kitchen.

A veritable _coven_ of women greeted him. Each was uniquely beautiful, but they all had the same deadly glint in their eyes. It was enough to make Lorcan wonder how well his training would stand up to this lethal hord.

A hush fell over the room as he stepped in and all of them turned to stare at him. In all there were thirteen, each as deadly looking as the last. They looked at him, sizing him up, determining his strengths and weaknesses. He did his best to appear unconcerned, bored even with their scrutiny, but it was difficult to put back on his mask when his heart was still miles away. Lorcan returned the favor though, marking weapons, committing faces to memory. Learning them as if they were his enemy. He must have passed some kind of unspoken test, because almost in unison, the eyes turned from him and the conversations continued. Until she walked in.

Immediately Lorcan knew she was Manon Blackbeak. Hair so white it was almost clear and golden eyes that were cold and calculating, she radiated power and control and was every bit as frightening as Elide had described her. Her entrance caused thick silence to fall on the room, the other women immediately coming to attention, spines straightening and shoulders squaring. Something about the way she commanded the room niggled at him, like a long forgotten memory. Everything from her stance to her mannerisms were lethal, but familiar.

“We’ll dispense with the pleasantries as we don’t have much time,” her tone left no room for arguments, but Lorcan would have none of it. He would not back down to this woman.

Lorcan crossed his arms across his chest, knowing it made his muscles stand out, making him appear larger and more intimidating. “Let’s not. Before we do anything, I want to know who you are.”

Manon quirked an eyebrow at him, the only sign she was perturbed by his insolence. “I’m a business owner and Elide’s previous employer and friend. That’s all you need to know.”

Lorcan scoffed at her reply. “Some friend you are. Letting her live with that man for as long as she did. You knew. You knew what he did to her and you did almost nothing for her. She was an afterthought to you. Don’t think she didn’t tell me about your more interesting clientele. I know you’re more than just a simple business owner.”

Anger radiated off of Manon and Lorcan could see how tenuous of control she had on her temper. The room went deathly still as she leaned in, her golden eyes aflame. “Fine. I run more than the restaurant. I’m one of many in the city who run for the gangs in the area. And Elide, well my charity only extends to those who can help themselves.”

It was the brief flash of pain at the lie that gave her away. He could see how desperately she tried to hide it, but no one as good as seeing through masks as someone who had worn one as long as he had. And then it all clicked into place.

“Liar,” he hissed at her. “You’re more than that. Don’t think I don’t recognize someone trained, trained like me. Someone who has been a tool for too many years. I know what you are. Do they know?”

Every eye in the room was trained on him in an instant. Hands went to weapons and exits were blocked. He knew he had created a dangerous situation for himself, but Lorcan stood his ground.

Manon flashed him another feral smile. “Yes. This is my team.” She gave a small wave and the tension in the room eased and the glares stopped. “What gave us away?”

“I’ve seen many illegal operations in my time. No teams work as in unison as this one. Too many egos. And we knew someone called in from the FBI to help with her uncle’s arrest. There weren’t too many options.”

“Fine,” Manon said, her gazed steely, “You figured it out. Congratulations. We’re FBI. Does that answer all your questions? Can we get down to saving Elide now?”

Lorcan uncrossed his arms and placed his fists on the sterile, stainless steel work surface and growled at Manon. “No. I want to know why the bureau allowed her to stay with him. Allowed her to continue to be abused. You knew and you all let it happen.”

For the first time Manon’s compourse cracked, just the smallest bit. “The Bureau allowed it to continue because it’s been building a case against him for years. They didn’t want to tip him off.”

“How much trouble did you get in for helping her leave?”

Manon glared at him, her mask cracking just a little bit more. “Enough.”

“Good.” Lorcan stood up and shook off the lingering frustration. His questions had been answered, enough. Now they needed to go get Elide.

“Shall we proceed?” He couldn’t help the smirk that crossed his face and didn’t care that it only served to ignite Manon’s rage. She deserved it. She had allowed Elide to be abused and she could rot in hell for all he cared.

“If I even see you again after this, I’ll put a bullet in your head,” Manon seethed.

“Likewise. Now, let’s go get Elide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be on a mini hiatus until my life calms down a bit, maybe even the new year? But fear not, I will finish!


	18. Chapter 18

When Aelin had told him ages ago that Elide’s family owned a ranch, he had expected it to be a few acres and a quiet little homestead. He hadn’t expected it to be miles long and dotted with buildings. Manon explained that once it had even had cabins for guests and was a somewhat major tourist location, offering horse back tours and incredible views. Now it was abandoned, dank, with fields fallow and buildings crumbling and grass overgrown. They couldn’t even approach the main house without immediately arousing suspicions, which is why they had parked miles back and traversed the ground on foot, with Lorcan and Manon on point and her team fanned out behind them.

Manon slipped past him in the tall grass, her footfalls barely making a sound. He still didn’t know what to make of her. It was obvious in the way she moved that she was lethal, deadly, more perhaps than even him. Under different circumstances, he might have even liked her as a person, but he couldn’t forgive the years she had been keeping an eye on Elide, knowing everything that had happened to her, and not doing anything about it. He didn’t care that she had nearly lost her job when she bought Elide’s ticket out or called in the tip that finally got Vernon arrested or was sure to blow her entire operation helping him tonight. She should have done more.

_He_ should have done more.

Lorcan shook himself, clearing his head. He was of no use to Elide dwelling on the past. Not now that they were so close. And they were very nearly to the house now. Very nearly to Elide. Lorcan’s blood thrummed and his heart squeezed. _Just hold on a little longer._

They finally approached the edge of the grass and paused to take in the scene. Not a soul moved, not even the men Lorcan was sure were stationed around, or the animals that were supposed to be there. Once he had heard that animals had a way of knowing when disaster was going to strike, that they would flee before storms and earthquakes. Lorcan had no idea if that was true or not, but the eerie silence of the ranch made him believe it. Not so much as a whiny from a horse or lowing from the cattle. No sound but the crunch of frozen grass under his shoes. No movement other than his breath puffing out in front of him.

It was as if the whole world was holding its breath, watching, waiting, knowing that on this night death would be dealt.

Just an acre of land stood between where they were hidden away in the tall grass and the house. An acre. An acre in the open, fully exposed. He had run gauntlets more deadly than this, but a chill ran through him nevertheless. An acre and then he would be to the house. An acre and he would be to Elide.

Manon looked at Lorcan and nodded. She turned to the blonde a few yards away who would lead the rest of the team around the back and nodded to her as well. It was time.

For a moment, Lorcan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, allowing all the noise to fade away, allowing the calm to wash over him. He breathed out. The world stilled. It just became him and the cool grip of the gun in his hand. His focused zeroed in and the only sound in his ears was the thrumming of his blood and the pounding of his own heart.

_Beat._

He opened his eyes.

_Beat._

They stepped out from the grass, Manon at his side.

_Beat._

Crouched low, they began crossing the large lawn, moving with the limited cover from the shadows cast by the moonlight.

_Beat._

A man came into view and Lorcan didn’t even have to think, it was just reflex, to squeeze the trigger and let the bullet fly. The silencer muffled the sound of the shot and Manon darted ahead to catch the body, letting in gently down to the ground, the soft thud barely disturbing the silence.

_Beat._

Another body. Another bullet. They were halfway now. Halfway to the house. 

_Beat._

They were running now, the house coming into view now and a few more men. Men who had just breaths left in their lives, who would shortly be bodies cooling in the grass.

_Beat._

Bullets sounded distantly, somewhere else on the property. The witches seemed to be succeeding in flushing the rats from their nests. But Lorcan swore nonetheless, their success was his trial. The other men would be on alert now.

_Beat._

The porch was just feet away when they were spotted. A flurry of movement accompanied by what Lorcan was sure were shouts, but he heard none of them. Only his heartbeat, counting down the moments until this was over. Until Elide was safe. Time seemed to slow as he picked his next target. 

_Beat._

Two bodies dropped in a shower of blood, one from his bullet, the other from Manon’s. In another life, they would’ve made a great team.

_Beat._

His foot made contact with the crumbling wood steps, right as a bullet whizzed past his head, an instant from death, if he had just been one step higher, this heartbeat would have been his last. But death was not coming for him. No, not tonight. 

Tonight, _he was death._

Timed rushed forward as the rage in Lorcan’s blood boiled over. The sounds all rushed back in and he welcomed them with open arms, savoring every last scream as his knife found its home over and over again in the flesh of men, the quarters too close for his gun.

He and Manon made quick work of the men outside, their combined skill too much for these lowlifes. Lorcan almost felt sorry for them, to be so completely bested, their blood dripping from his fingers. Almost.

Silence came again, but not from the killing calm that sang in his blood, but from the stillness that only death brought. Manon glanced at him, a grim sight, splattered equally in blood and then gestured to the door and what waited beyond.

Stealthily they slipped inside the house. Elide was here, Lorcan could feel her presence drawing him, pulling him onward. But he had to dance with the devil first. Silence echoed through the house, not a soul in sight. But Lorcan knew, he _knew_ Vernon was here, the last vestige of defense, the last person that stood between Elide and her freedom.

Step after step they crept through the house, quieter than a tomb. Lorcan ached to find her, to gather her in his arms and tell her all the things he had been too much of a coward to say before, but he owed Vernon blow for blow all the things he had done to Elide. And Lorcan would see he was paid.

Manon slipped ahead of him, checking clearing corners as she went, her footsteps clever enough to avoid the glass and debris scattered across the floor. She turned a corner, and then stepped back gestured to Lorcan hurriedly. 

They had found their prize.

But when Lorcan stepped into what had once been the study of Elide’s father, the scene before him was not what he expected. There was no Elide, only Vernon and the Vernon that sat at the remains of the desk was not the Vernon that had sat at Aelin’s desk many months ago. There was no weight on his body, his skin gray and sagging, his cheekbones wain and hollow. There was not a spark of life left in his face, just greed and decay. He was a dead man walking.

“Where is she?” Manon spoke her gun trained between his eyes, her voice stealy and calm, but Lorcan could see the flash of worry in her eyes.

Vernon didn’t answer. Instead he slowly turned his head away from Manon to meet Lorcan’s eye. Not a word passed his lips, but a slow eerie smile spread across his lips.

“_Where. Is. She_?” Lorcan ground out.

“She’s around.” Vernon’s voice was barely above a whisper, his smile only grew wider, like he was savoring a delicious secret.

Lorcan snapped. Without thinking he surged forward and ripped Vernon from the chair he was sitting on. He threw him across the room, the crunch of bones a balm for the ache in his heart. He stalked across the room, his prey in sight, the bloodlust overcoming him. His fist flew into Vernon’s nose, splitting his knuckles and spraying Lorcan’s face with blood, but he didn’t care. Again, he let his fists fly, and again. Not a whimper came from the body below him, but he didn’t care. Lorcan had loosed the monster in his bones for the last time and given it full reign. There was so much blood, he could taste it in his mouth. The monster under his skin delighted in it. He pulled back his fist, for another blow, only to have it wrenched back by slender but powerful hands.

“Enough! He’s had enough!” Manon shrieked at him, breathing hard. 

Lorcan stayed his hand, sparing a glance at Vernon’s face. Or rather what remained of it. It had been so long since Lorcan had utterly lost control, and lost control he had. Very little remained of the face that had once belonged to Elide’s uncle.

“I need him alive, he has to testify. I’ll be crucified if I come back from this without even one witness.”

Before Lorcan could even begin to think of a response, a weak laugh filled the room. It took a glance at what remained of Vernon for them to realize the sound was coming from him. But then an even more chilling sound echoed through the house.

A scream. Hauntingly familiar, one that stilled his heart in fear.

_Elide._

“Go,” Manon hissed. “Get her. I’ll watch over this one. Not that he’s much to watch. But get her. Please.”

Lorcan could only nod before leaving her behind with what remained of Vernon. He stalked through the rest of the house, room after room, until he reached the bedroom at the end of the hall. Slowly he creaked the door open and the sight before him chilled his blood.

Elide was standing there, still in the same dress from the party, her body a mottled mess of bruises, but still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. But, it wasn’t the sight of her that scared him.

It was the knife at her throat that made his heart stop.

-

Silence was what had woken her. Elide hadn’t meant to fall asleep. No, not in that little room so unprotected from the leering eyes outside her door in the house they had killed. She had determined that she would stay awake, that she would not miss a moment of the very few she had left. But the weariness had stolen over her, caught her off guard, and slept she did.

But now, something was happening. Elide could feel it in the air. Tension hummed throughout the house, though not a sound was made. She couldn’t explain it, but something in her told her it was _time._ Time to act.

As quickly as she could with her numb fingers, Elide slipped the little blade from its hidden sheath and went to work. Cutting the binding proved to be difficult though. The smooth ceramic blade was meant for stabbing and slicing, not for sawing through gummy tape. It slipped many times, leaving nicks all over her arms and fingers. But she didn’t care. Each breath she took, each moment wasted fighting with her restraints was a moment she could be caught off guard, was a moment she was weak.

She was nearly through when bullets being fired sounded in the distance. A thrill of hope flooded through her. Someone had come. They hadn’t forgotten her. _They had come for her_. Then came the sounds of a scuffle, just outside and Elide nearly cried out in joy. She just had to hold out a little longer, just fight a little more. Because they had come for her.

Nearly delirious with relief, Elide sliced through the bindings with a strength she had forgotten she had possessed. She rose shakily to her feet and was just turning to the nearly unhinged door, when it creaked open.

It wasn’t her uncle’s face that greeted her, but his foreman, grasping a wicked knife in one hand, a gun at his hip. Elide’s stomach dropped. She knew why it wasn’t him, her uncle, the leering in the man’s eyes enough to give away his intentions. He had sent his foreman to make good on his promise. 

That she would suffer before she died.

Her mind raced as he approached her, flooded with images of her training with Lorcan. Someone was here for her and she would be damned if she suffered at the hands of this man while the sounds of her imminent freedom echoed outside. But she was barely in any condition to fight, not with the aching in her body and the agony in her ankle. The only tools in her arsenal her cleverness, Lorcan’s training, and the tiny blade hidden in her palm. She would need all of them to survive this.

The man slithered closer to her and Elide let him, sinking into herself, letting herself feel small. It reminded her of that moment when she met Lorcan in the alleyway as they fought off the two men. She would need every once of her wits about her now, if this was going to work.

“Do you know why I’m here, girl?” He was close enough now Elide could smell the foulness of his skin.

She nodded and allowed her body to tremble, allowed fear to flood her face. She needed him to buy this. She needed him to be so taken in by her vulnerability that he didn’t notice her bindings were gone, that he didn’t notice she had her palm wrapped tightly around something.

“Yes,” she sobbed quietly. “Please, please...just let me go.”

He was close enough now to touch her and still Elide allowed him to, she drew him into her viper’s nest with her stuttering breaths and shaking body. Slowly, he lifted his blade and let it trail down her neck and across her collarbone. The tremble she let loose at the feel of the deadly, cold steel against her skin was only half pretend.

“Don’t worry,” he purred, “I’ll make it good for you. And if you don’t fight back, I’ll make sure your death is quick and painless.”

_Just a little closer_, she thought,_ just a little closer_. She would only have one strike, one chance to immobilize him and she had to make it count. _Eyes, nose, groin, throat_. Lorcan had drilled it into her mind. Those were an attackers weakest spots. She would need every second to get away, so she would go for the_ weakest_ of them all.

“Please, I’ll go far away, j-j-just please, don’t hurt me. I swear it.” Elide let the tears she had been holding at bay slide free, the finale to her act. Just one more step and she would have him.

But he never took that step. Because there was yelling. Inside the house, followed by the sound of someone being beaten. The foreman’s eyes grew wide, the eyes of a man who had just realized his time was nearly up.

Roughly, he grabbed Elide. She couldn’t help the scream that slipped through her lips at the bruising strength of his grip. He whipped her around pulled her flush against his body, his blade at her throat.

“Now, girl,” he hissed in her ear, “Be good and no one here will need to lose their heads.”

Elide nodded and added in a sob for good measure. The rules had changed, but the game was the same. Her only chance at making it through this was to keep playing to his expectations.

Footfalls sounded down the hall, and she gasped, the movement let the steel bit her skin the smallest bit, sending a trickle of warm blood down her neck. She knew those steps. She had heard them a hundred times, pacing about his apartment. A moment later, the door creaked open and tears filled Elide’s eyes.

It was Lorcan.

Gun in hand, splattered with blood, with split knuckles, he was the most glorious sight she had ever seen. Because he was really here. He had come for her. She wasn’t alone.

“Elide,” his voice a balm to her soul and this time there was nothing fake about the sobs she let loose. _He was here._ “You’re going to be ok. I promise you, you are going to get out of here.”

His voice was better than she remembered, pleading and insistent. She could only nod in response and just only, ever mindful of the steel a breath away from ending her.

Lorcan looked up and met the eyes of the man holding her captive. “Let her go. I can pull a trigger faster than you can work that blade.”

The foreman only pulled Elide closer to him and laughed. “But do you want to risk it?”

Lorcan only raised his gun and pointed it right at the man’s head. “I like my chances.”

“Do you?” The foreman brought the blade closer still to Elide’s throat, slowly digging it into her flesh. More blood oozed down her skin and the room began to sway a little.

Lorcan was stuck. Elide knew it, with the way things were. There would be no way he could save her, not with what he knew now. She needed to tell him, somehow, that she wasn’t as defenseless as she appeared.

“Lorcan,” she choked out, mindful that every bob of her throat only dug the blade in deeper. “Lorcan” she whispered more insistently. Finally, he dropped his gaze to her.

“It’s ok,” she whispered. “Let me go.”

But her eyes told him something else. She shifted them down to her palm, showing him the little blade. For an instant, faster than a heartbeat he looked, realization dawning on him.

“Yes, Lorcan, listen to the girl. You can’t win this.” The foreman was nearly gloating, his grip loosening just the slightest bit in his relief, but had he noticed the mask slip over Lorcan’s features, he would have been smarter.

“Ok,” Lorcan, backed up and held up his gun. “We can talk about this like reasonable men.”

And then he nodded.

It was all the signal Elide needed before turning the blade in her palm and plunging it back into the groin of the man behind her. He shouted in pain and released his hold on her. Elide ducked and Lorcan took the shot, the body dropping to the ground with an edge of finality.

Elide couldn’t stand. It was all too much. Death had been on her doorstep, she had felt it in the blade at her throat, but it didn’t come for her. Somehow, unbelievably, she was alive. It was over. She was free. She would get to go home and live.

She didn’t realize she was shaking until strong hands took hers and lifted her up, wrapping around her. All the pain and fear and horror she had experienced it washed away. She didn’t need to go home. _This was home._ Right here, in Lorcan’s arms.

Gently, his hands came up to cup her face, bringing it up to meet his gaze.

“Elide,” her name was like a prayer on his lips. And she would get to hear it there for the rest of her life.

“You came for me,” she whispered, too stunned, too overwhelmed to say anything else.

“I love you, Elide Lochan. I should have never let you go. And I will always come for you, no matter what.”

Elide sobbed. He loved her. He loved her. _He loved her._

For moment everything was right in the world. She was free. She had Lorcan. They were done with the horrors of the last few days and forever stretched on ahead of them

And then shot sounded through the room, shattering that future. Warm blood sprayed across Elide’s face. She looked down, expecting to see a gaping wound in her body, but there was none.

But then, where had the blood come from?

And then Lorcan, strong, indestructible, unbeatable Lorcan, crumpled to the ground. 

Elide felt the world fall apart at the sight of the blood pooling on Lorcan’s chest and her bloodied uncle standing in the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey there, I'm back! I'm sorry about this, really, I am.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, gore, violence, character deaths

The world had stopped. It had to have. It had to have stopped rotating, the tides stopped coming, the sun stopped rising. Life could not go on. It _couldn’t._

Because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t real.

There was no way the warrior that was Lorcan Salvaterre was dying.

It wasn’t real.

It couldn’t be real.

_And yet._

And yet, as if stuck in fast forward and unable to stop it, Elide watched that impossibly strong, hard, man, who was really just a broken soul like her, really just a man who needed to know he was not alone, crumple and fall to the ground.

The echoing thud of his body was worse than the screams of a child lost from its mother, worse than cannon fire ripping through homes, worse than the sickening crunch of broken bones.

It was the sound of her heart dying.

She didn’t care, she _couldn’t _care, that her uncle was standing there with a gun pointed at her head. She paid no mind to the fact that her life would end here, in this room, like she had been so afraid it would.

It didn’t matter because she was already dead. Yes, her heart beat on, but her soul was gone.

Because Lorcan Salvaterre was dying. And that was all that mattered.

Elide’s body collapsed under her, her knees slamming into the ground with a force that rattled her teeth. But the pain in her body was nothing, _nothing_ compared to the agony of having her very soul cleaved from her bones.

Lorcan was already paling, the life already fading from his face as the blood pooled under him, warm around her knees but cooling fast in the frigid air. How much smaller he looked, how much softer his face appeared. His eyes were squeezed shut in pain and his breaths came in shallow and raspy. His jaw was clenched so tight she wondered how he didn’t shatter every one of his teeth.

Her mind raced, trying to find some way to stop the inevitable march of death from drawing ever closer. _Pressure on the wound._ But with what? The house, the blanket, her clothing...it was all filthy and would surely leave its stain on this beautiful man. With shaking fingers, she pressed her bare palms to the wound, drawing a hiss of pain from Lorcan’s lips. Good. Though his eyes were closed, he was at least alert, still with her, until the bitter end.

“Lorcan, Lorcan…” she pleaded paying no mind to the tears that clouded her eyes, “Please, you have to open your eyes, you have to stay with me. Just for a little bit.”

A lifetime passed between heartbeats, Elide could feel his lifeblood slipping away under her hands, the unsteady beat of his heart, but slowly, ever so slowly he opened his eyes. But he did not turn to her, but glared up at her uncle.

“How? M-Manon?” he rasped out. 

Confusion flooded her, momentarily distracting her from the desperate situation she was in. _Manon? _Had she heard right? She looked into Lorcan’s face, but found his eyes clear and focused, despite the pain so evidently present.

A cruel chuckle fell from her uncle’s lips. Or what were left of them. He was so bloodied and bruised, she barely recognized him, but _that laugh_. That laugh was the same. It had haunted her for years, waking from dreams with it still ringing in her ears. She could never escape it, not now, not with death coming for her.

“It’s funny. When someone beats you half to death, they tend to forget to check you for weapons. I’m not the fool you seem to think I am. And your little government rat friend found out the hard way. I just proved her to be the gutless coward she is.”

For the first time, Elide noticed the blood elbow deep on her uncle’s arms, dripping ever so steadily to the floor. More than could have come from his face. The room seemed to spin at the sight. Whatever he had done to Manon...it hadn’t been good.

“Don’t worry. You’ll soon burn with her in the next life.” He stepped closer to Elide, the malevolent look in his eyes chilling her to the bones, until he was right next to her, the barrel of the gun pressed against her head. It was still warm from firing the bullet that had ripped through Lorcan’s body. Elide tried to keep the fear from showing, tried to keep the tremble in her body from overwhelming her, but she was spent. Her end was coming, the next bullet fired from that hateful weapon would rip through her.

“Leave her alone,” Lorcan ground out, stubborn to the end. There was no force behind the words, the strength in Lorcan’s voice, that Elide had come to rely on so much, was fading fast. 

Though he was already beat, though there was no escaping the inevitable, her uncle still sent a swift kick to Lorcan’s ribs, making him arch in pain. It was all Elide could to do to keep pressure on the wound in his chest, to keep that little bit of life inside him.

Lorcan was silent after that.

Turning his attention back to Elide, he pressed the barrel deeper into her skin, twisting it so she became acquainted with its every curve. “Now, sweet girl, your entire life you have been nothing but a thorn in my side. A persistent, festering, wound that never healed. I tried to pluck you out so many, many times, and yet you _kept. coming. back._”

With every emphasis he pressed the barrel harder into her head, until it bruised and broke her already raw skin. Elide didn’t care, the tears streaming down her face now. She could only focus on keeping pressure on Lorcan. She strained her ears for the sound of his breathing, not wanting to miss a single one, it was the only thing keeping her sane now. And her sanity and that breath, they were the only things she had left. But again her uncle’s hateful voice came, stealing away her chance at hearing that precious breath.

“And now here you are, back again. Nothing has gone how it should have tonight. You should have suffered so much more than this. You deserve every ounce of suffering and more, girl. But I’ve let you live too long and I won’t let you any longer. Now, unless you want me to break your other leg, what you are going to do is slowly remove your hands from your friend so we can watch him die together. And once he has taken his last breath, he has abandoned you like everyone else, once your pain is the sweetest, then I will paint these walls with your blood.”

Elide couldn’t bring herself to stand. She couldn’t bring herself to take her hands from Lorcan’s chest and just let him die. She would take the wounds, she would take the pain. But she couldn’t watch him die. The very thought of it was poison in her veins. 

She would not do it.

“I’m not leaving you,” she whispered, pushing the words past the aching, rawness of her throat. 

As if it took all his energy, Lorcan met her eyes. Still, even after everything, they made her breath catch, shining with that light she had so longed to see there. 

There was something else there too, some deeper meaning, something he was trying to communicate, but it was as if words failed him.

“I’ll remember all of it Elide. Every moment with you. My most treasured possessions.”

Elide’s heart squeezed. His words, they felt like goodbye, but still, he gave her that persistent look, begging her to understand him. Before she could even think to interpret him though, white hot pain flashed across her already battered head as her uncle slammed the gun into her skull.

“I mean it girl, stand up. You’re only prolonging the inevitable.”

Elide paid him no mind, paid the pain no mind. The pain would end soon. But this, whatever Lorcan was trying to tell her, was more important.

Lorcan slipped his hand between hers, not caring that they were slick with his own blood. “I’ll remember fighting with you, teaching you. Especially that first day, you were so eager. So beautiful.”

His look was imploring her, begging her to understand. 

“Will you remember that, all of that?”

She felt the press of his wrist against hers.

And she remembered.

-

Lorcan Salvaterre had never feared death.

In fact most of his life he had longed for it, begged for it.

He had marched into battleground after battleground. Bombs had exploded feet from him. He was so riddled with bullet holes, so slashed all over from everything from knives to broken glass bottles, it was a marvel that he was alive. So many times he had pushed on through screams and agony and waves of blood and gore, begging the gods to let this finally be the day he died.

And yet they never took him.

How ironic then, that the time he wished with every sliver left of his shattered soul to live, he was finally dying.

Dying with no way to save the woman he loved.

Gods, he would die happy if she could just live.

But there was almost nothing he could do. He could only pray she could save herself. That between her stubborn tenacity and devilish cleverness and every tiny scrap of knowledge he had given her in their time together, it would all be enough to let her live.

That and the last blade he had on him, still stashed under his sleeve. The very same place he had shown her the day he had wrapped that brace around her ankle.

He had only known true fear a few times in his life, mostly since Elide had walked into his life. But had never felt it quite like that moment when he wasn’t sure if she would understand him, wasn’t she would understand the deeper meaning in his words.

But then she bent over to place a gentle kiss to his cheek, hiding her hands as they slipped the blade from its sheath and relief flooded him. Even if her next words broke him.

“Goodbye Lorcan,” she whispered, her breath soft against skin, her lips brushing one more barely there kiss against his own. Her face was soft, all the things they never got the chance to say were written there, but her eyes held a promise when she met his gaze. 

She would end this.

But Elide didn’t strike right away. She waited, hovering over Lorcan, biding her time, waiting for the split second chance she would get. Even now, Lorcan could see her mind working. If anyone knew how her uncle would act, it was Elide. And she would use that knowledge against him, like she had so many others that had underestimated her.

Behind her, Vernon’s patience had nearly reached its breaking point. Elide wasn’t complying and as he shifted his gun away from her head, it appeared he was about to make good on his promise to destroy her other leg.

The second the gun was no longer pointed at her head, Elide struck. Faster than his sluggish brain could comprehend, she had whirled around and plunged the knife deep into Vernon’s hand, the gun clattering to the floor. The man howled in pain, but Elide was not finished with him yet. Using his unstable and distracted state, she tackled him to the floor, a feral cry sounding from her lips.

Lorcan tried to look at them, tried to sit up and help her. But without those small hands pressing down on his chest, the life was draining from him fast. He could only lay there, helpless, fighting to keep awake, listening to the sounds of a struggle, praying Elide would come off the conqueror. That he wouldn’t have to hear her last breath. It was agony, being unable to do anything, but just listen to every sound of flesh colliding with floor and fist or every strain and groan and cry of pain.

And then.

And then a shot rang out through the room.

And then it was silent.

For an instance the world stood still. And Lorcan waited. Waited to know who had pulled the trigger and who no longer breathed. Waited and prayed, begging for one last chance to see those endlessly dark eyes that held a piece of his soul one more time.

And then.

And then there was a quiet sob.

And he could breathe again.

Elide scurried to his side, her hands pressed to his chest again. Her face, that perfect face, come into view above him, though she felt blurry and far away now.

“It’s over,” she sobbed, “It’s over.”

He wanted to wipe the tears from her face. He wanted to comfort her in her agony. So little strength was left in his body and he would use the last of it for her. Slowly, he raised his arm, though it felt as if it was the heaviest thing he had ever lifted, and brought it to tangle in her soft hair. Oh, how he loved those silken tresses.

“You did so good Elide. And now you’re free.” Every word was an effort, but every effort was worth it.

She sobbed again, her exquisite face a mask of tears and pain. Lorcan blinked his eyes and felt tears on his own face. How long had it been since he had cried? Maybe it was fitting that he could finally cry, but only for her. Only for Elide.

“I’m glad I got to be here. With you. I’m glad I got to see your home. Thank you. For letting me be happy. With you. One last time.” Where was his voice going? Why did he sound so far away?

Elide gave another soft sob. “I wish you could’ve seen in better circumstances. I wish you could’ve seen my mother’s books and my father’s study. I wish you could’ve seen the sunrise glinting off the windows or the first foals of the season on their little shaky legs or know what peace really feels like under wide open skies.” Her words echoed that soft moment they had shared in his kitchen so many wasted months ago. “You can see so many stars here at night too, not like in the city. I wish we could’ve sat under the stars together. I wish...I wish we could have been happy together for so many years.”

The endless cold was seeping in. Lorcan could feel with every sharp, painful breath. But he wanted to give her one last gift. One last fleeting moment of happiness. With the little life he had left he pushed himself up barely getting inches off the floor, groaning at the pain. 

“Let’s go sit under the stars Elide.”

Elide nodded and pulled him to his feet. Maybe she said something, he wasn’t sure. Maybe she wanted him to stay put and save his strength. But he needed to see these stars with her. He needed to feel the peace of the skies and the earth and one last moment with her.

The walk down the hall and out of the house was just a series of flashes as he fought to stay upright, fought to keep the silence from overtaking him. There was feel of Elide’s arms around him. A bullet ridden wall. Manon laying on the ground, glassy-eyed with her stomach split open. Somewhere in the back of his mind he railed against her death, but he could barely hold on to his consciousness now and could spare no energy grieving now. He would beg her forgiveness when he met her in the next life.

The flashes kept coming, but more darkness between them.

A rush of cold air. 

Slumping to the ground. 

The sky full of endless stars and a feeling of peace. 

Moving lights. 

Elide calling his name from far away. 

Something being placed over his face as he floated away.

And then slowly the stars winked out and the blackness took him.


	20. Chapter 20

Death was painful.

There was no bright light. No final darkness. No paradise, no purgatory.

There was no line of people to beg forgiveness from. No family waiting for him, not that would’ve been anyway.

Sometimes there wasn’t even him. Sometimes it was just sensationless fog.

But mostly, it was pain.

Unending, unbearable pain.

But where did it come from, was there not anything left of him anymore to feel pain?

He could not comprehend it. There was too much pain.

Until there wasn’t.

When he came back from wherever he went in that hazy mist, that strange limbo where he ceased to be, he realized the pain was less. No significantly, but enough that he noticed. But before he could understand what that meant he was lost again in that strange fog.

Slowly, it ebbed and in the void the pain left other things filled it. He began to notice noise again and touch. And very clearly he realized, he had a body. A body the breathed and felt and maybe even moved. And if he had a body, then it must mean this pain, it wasn’t death. Perhaps that endless fog was the pathway to his end and if he wandered through it long enough to find the other side, he would find what death was really like.

But he couldn’t. He knew, somehow, that he couldn’t yet. There was a reason to suffer this pain, to fight through it to stay alive. There was a reason. If only he could remember it. If only he could remember _him._

Thinking was difficult. He realized that was what he had been doing all along, thinking. Thinking meant living, didn’t it? But it was hard, thinking, even realizing he was thinking. It took too much effort. So he let himself drift, let himself just feel and hear and wait.

There were soft voices, there was the bristle of cold and a brush of warm. There was a repetitive tone that pulled him into fitful unconsciousness

When he awoke from dreams he couldn’t remember, he did remember something else.

His name.

He was Lorcan Salvaterre. 

It came back to him, first slowly and then all at once, images swirling in his mind and memories of pain and agony and love and joy. He tried to sort through them, tried to remember what had happened, and why he was here, but it was all too much again. He was trapped in a waking slumber, his mind too wrecked to understand the images in his brain. Unable to move, unable to sleep, unable to speak. Being locked away in his own bones, it was hell. 

Eventually, unconsciousness came for him again.

Every time his mind woke but his body did not he wanted to scream, to rail against the chains that seemed to bind him in his own body. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t fight his way to true wakefulness. He couldn’t open his eyes or squeeze the soft had wrapped in his own.

Slowly, ever so slowly, his mind cleared. He could comprehend it all, remember it all. That fateful bus ride that had changed his life, Elide and her clever mind and soft smile, the way she had so completely wrecked him. Losing her and Colorado, the joy of finding her again only to have her ripped from his arms again. 

But what he couldn’t remember was how he got here, to this semi-alive state, neither here nor there. A wraith, living a half life, a ghost haunting his own body.

He only knew he had to find his way back to her, to Elide. So he fought hard, to find the surface of his consciousness, to claw his way to the top, break through and taste that first beautiful breath of wakefulness. It felt like eons, that he fought against the tide, but finally he reached it.

The first thing he felt was stiffness, a deep ache that had settled deep in his bones, as if he hadn’t moved in months. Then bright lights that made opening his heavy lids even harder. Voices in the hall came into focus and he could almost pick out the words. There was the beeping machines and the breath of someone sitting nearby. Someone who was holding on to his hand as if it was the only thing keeping him tethered to this life.

As if it was harder than lifting the heaviest weight, Lorcan finally opened his leaden eyelids.

And there she was, an answer to the question his soul had been searching for his entire life.

Elide.

She didn’t realize he was awake yet, focused at the computer screen in front of her so gently he squeezed her hand, his body’s response slow and sluggish, taking eons to convey the message from his brain to his fingers. He knew the instant she felt him though. Her head turned, shock and wonder written across her perfect face, her eyes full of tears.

“Lorcan,” she whispered as if he was some kind of dream. The next thing he knew she was in his arms. And even though every cell in his body screamed in agony, all was finally right in his world.

-

Something was different about today. Elide had felt it the moment she had woken up. Maybe it was the weather, today the warmest day in months, slowly melting away the snow from the most recent storm. Maybe it was the way the sun shone bright against the cerulean sky. Maybe her coffee had just been extra strong that morning.

But whatever it was, Elide felt light that morning as she busied herself with the semblance of a normal routine she had developed over the last six weeks. Pick up the quaint little apartment she had been renting month to month, spend a few hours talking to her lawyers, research a few more school programs. Call Aelin. Make lunch and prep dinner to take to the hospital. 

She had found her first week after she herself was released, that spending all day in the building, waiting at Lorcan’s bedside was making her go crazy. And yet being away from him was even worse.

Lorcan.

She didn’t know if he would ever wake up. It had been almost two months now, two long months of that antiseptic hospital smell and hard chairs. Two months of pain and recovery. Two months of praying she would get to see those dark eyes open at least once more.

She could still remember them closing right there on the lawn, shutting with an air of finality, the echoing sound of those eyelids closing had reverberated in her heart. Elide was still afraid they may never open again.

It had been hell, watching him slip away and not being able to do anything about it. She had thought she was going to lose the last precious thing in her life right then. But then there had been a swarm of women and then the flashing lights of a rescue helicopter. Before the exhaustion and pain of the night overtook her, she saw them place a breathing mask over Lorcan’s face and declare he had a heartbeat and then there was nothing.

When she had woken up days later, it was to the tear streaked face of her cousin tell her Lorcan was alive, but just barely. The toll of his wounds and the blood lost had left him in a coma, lingering between life and death.

Apparently he was the lucky one. Manon and two other of her team had died. Elide still couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that all this time her friend had been working for the government. And had paid the price for saving Elide’s life with her own.

Once she had been released from the hospital, she only went to the hotel she and Aelin and Rowan were staying in to sleep, and she did very little of that. Every moment she could, she sat by his bedside. After a week Aelin put her foot down and so had the doctors. She wasn’t going to do him or herself any favors if she kept this up. 

At the time she had been angry but now she was thankful. Especially now that she seemed to have found some semblance of a normal life. Aelin had gone back to California after the holidays had finished, unable to be away from her doctors for too long in her state and Lorcan had been too weak to move from Colorado. So Elide had waited, sometimes alone, sometimes visited by Lys or Fenrys. But right now she was alone again. She kept herself busy looking for colleges and sorting out the legal mess her uncle and his death created, but mostly she waited. Waited for him to wake up or waited for him to slip away.

She was stuck in some strange limbo, unable to move forward with her life until she knew.

But today. Today was different. Elide could just feel it, like a whisper in her soul, like some piece had found its way back to her in the night and stitched her back together. She felt whole. It was all she could do not to race through her daily routine, not to hurry to the hospital. A small part of her was afraid that she was just fooling herself, getting her hopes up only for them to be dashed again. But another part of her knew, knew like how she knew the sun would rise, that something miraculous would happen today.

Lorcan was unchanged when she arrived. He lay in the same position he always did, unconscious and unresponsive. His hair had grown longer over the months, no longer the severe chop he had sported for the entire time she had known him. The hospital staff had seen to his facial hair about once a week, but uneven stubble still graced his cheek. He mostly still looked wane and thin, the lack of movement and intense trauma he had suffered atrophying his muscles. Elide knew when he awoke he would be sure to grumble about that.

When the nurse left the room after showing her in Elide brushed his hair back, her fingers lingering on the sharpened planes of his face, more hollow than she had ever seen them, before settling in to her chair. Somehow, that had become her routine over the last few months too, her way of letting him know it was her. And then like everyday, she waited.

Waited for anything, any sign that today would be as different as her heart was telling her. Every few seconds she found herself looking at him again, examining every little feature, praying for a change, but nothing. 

After an hour, she felt herself going crazy. So she pulled out her laptop and forced herself not to look at him. She hadn’t meant to get completely consumed in her work, in fact she had barely noticed when the nurses came in again to do their hourly vitals checks. The only thing that pulled her from the screen in front of her was a gentle squeeze to her hand.

For a moment she sat there, staring at the hand, as if it couldn’t possibly have been real. Then, with an unspoken prayer on her lips, she slowly brought her eyes up to look at him. Only to find Lorcan staring right back at her.

It was as if the world had suddenly righted itself.

“Lorcan?” she could barely push the words past her shocked lips.

He was awake, _oh gods, oh gods, he was awake._

Without thinking, she threw herself in his arms, paying no mind to the cords running all over his body.

He was awake.

He had come for her that horrible, horrible night. He had fought for her. He had nearly given everything for her.

And now, he had come back to her.

Before she could even shed the tears that had gathered in her eyes, an army of doctors and nurses flooded the room, pulling Elide back so they could check Lorcan over. Pushed to the side, Elide figured it was best to take her seat again and wait for the tide of doctors orders and tests to abate, but Lorcan’s fingers reached out and took her own.

“Elide,” his voice raspy and weak from disuse, “Stay, please, _please_ don’t leave me.”

The tears came freely now. He came back. _He came back._

“I’m never leaving your side again,” she said softly, twining her fingers in his own. Her whispered promise felt like a shout to the universe. He was hers and she was his and she would not be parted from him again. 

They had a long road ahead of them, full of recovery and healing of wounds deeper than bone. There would be many late nights talking and early mornings. There would be many tears and lots of laughter. They would have to learn to love each other and themselves all over again.

Elide could see it all stretching before them as she held his hand. Though the room was bustling with activity, she felt as she looked in his eyes, that they were the only two there, watching their future play out together. She saw it all, all the possibilities.

And she was not afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE FINE


	21. Chapter 21

“Lor?” Elide crept through their quiet, beloved home, searching for her boyfriend.

_Boyfriend_.

It was such a insufficient term for him.

Lorcan had always been so much more than that. But there wasn’t really anything to call the person who had nearly died for her, who had fought through hell and back for her. So boyfriend it was.

There was no response to her call and Elide tried to beat down the shiver of anxiety that coursed down her spine. It had been over a year and a half now, since he woke up, and even though they had come so far, sometimes her old fears surfaced. But she knew him, body and soul, and knew he wouldn’t run again.

They were both done running.

She slowly made her way through the house, checking all his favorite haunts. After that horrible, deadly night, Elide didn’t think she could have ever returned to her family home and had what remained of it demolished. But Lorcan, after his long road of recovery had drawn near its end, had come back to the ruins and sawn something she hadn’t. And since, somehow Colorado had become home, home for them both, they decided to stay.

So he rebuilt it. He had help of course, but so much of it he had done himself, painstakingly recreating some of her beloved childhood memories. The rose bushes out front were in full bloom and there were books on the bookshelves again. The kitchen was the center of their home again, somewhere where life and laughter lived. But there was more too. A second wing was added, for their family to come and visit. Aelin and Rowan and little Evie had been last month to visit and Lys and Fenrys were due next month. The house had a life again, a place for new memories to be made.

Elide could still remember the day her brought her here to see it. He had refused to let her see the house once they began work on the interior, wanting it to be a surprise. After her classes had ended for the day, he had driven her out to the property, blindfolded. When he removed the blindfold and she had her first look, she had been utterly speechless.

He had taken so much darkness and made it into something beautiful. He had made it into a home. Their home.

Shaking herself from her thoughts, Elide made her way out onto the back porch. She knew where he was now. Sitting on the swing, slowly rocking himself, and staring up at the setting sun, was Lorcan.

Her Lorcan. Just as handsome as the time she had looked him over on that bus, but lighter, less weighed down. His soul was at peace these days. Just that thought alone made her cross the porch and settle in next to him, his arms wrapping around her out of habit, still focused on the sky. They were happy these days.

“Hi,” she said, breathing in the scent of him, of home.

“Hi,” he gently pressed a kiss to her head, his softness still only reserved for her. “How were classes?”

“The same. How are we doing today?” 

After being released from the hospital, Lorcan had received a rather amusing phone call from her cousin, firing him from his position with a large, nearly unheard of severance package. He had been told, in no uncertain terms, that his job now was to be with Elide. And he had taken that to heart. After finishing the house, Lorcan had taken it upon himself to help her manage and restore her properties.

“The cabins should be done soon, but probably not before the tourist season ends. So we’ll have all winter to get them ready for next season.”

They had partitioned off the land, part of it would be a safe haven for animals while the rest would return to the resort like ranch that it had been before, hopefully earning enough to maintain both parts of the lands. The rest of the properties her family had owned around the state had been sold, to well vetted individuals more qualified than she was to care for the tenants and far more kind than her uncle ever had been.

The harm her uncle had done had slowly been unwound.

“That’s good. I’m excited for it. Aelin is already planning a board retreat next year, so if all else fails, we’ll at least have that.”

Lorcan chuckled and kissed her again. “It’s going to work out El, I promise.”

They were quiet for a long time after that, watching the sky darken and the stars come out. Neither spoke for a long time, content to just sit and hold each other.

“You know,” Lorcan spoke after what seemed like hours, “I love these stars. Even though they were almost the very last thing I ever saw, I love them.”

Elide nodded in agreement. It was still hard for her to talk about that night, but he was right, the sky full of night stars, it still had a bittersweet beauty.

“This is my home Elide. I never thought I would get one of those, that I would deserve one, but you and this house. This is home.

Lorcan shifted and pulled something from his pocket. When he opened his hand, Elide saw a little diamond ring there, glinting in the starlight.

“_You,_ Elide are my home. You made me want to stop running and start living. I love you with every piece of my once shattered heart that you healed. And I want to spend every night of the rest of my life looking at these stars with you. I’m still broken, still healing, but everything that I am, all that is left of me, I give to you. Please, I ask you, with all that I am, marry me?”

She didn’t even have to think, Elide just nodded and let him slip the ring on her finger, before wrapping him in her arms again.

Happiness. This is what happiness felt like.

And she was never letting go of it.

\--

Gray light filled the bedroom. Lorcan blinked awake, his mind full of dreams again.

Good ones.

Slowly, the nightmares had faded. He had his suspicions it had to do with the woman wrapped around him, her head nested on his chest, like it had been that one morning so long ago. It was her favorite way to sleep and his as well. He never slept as well as he did when Elide was in his arms.

But none of the cuddling in the world had broken his habit of waking early in the morning, the habit that had been ground into him after years of service. As much as he wanted to, Lorcan couldn’t roll over and go back to sleep, his body never allowed him too, especially since he had deep aches now that never seemed to go away. So, instead he slipped out of Elide’s grasp and shuffled downstairs, ready to start his day.

Slowly he pulled dishes from the cupboards and food from the fridge. They were always well stocked now, not a single cupboard went unused. He filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove. His wife still couldn’t go a day without her morning cup of tea. The thought made him smile and then stop in shock.

_His wife._

It had only been a month, but still, the band on his finger still caught him off guard sometimes. He looked at it now and it made his heart swell with something funny that had taken him some time to realize was happiness.

He was happy.

So consumed with his thoughts Lorcan didn’t hear the kettle whistle or Elide come into the room. He didn’t even notice her presence until she wrapped her arms around him.

“Lorcan?” she stood on her tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “You alright there? I think the water is ready.”

He just huffed out a soft laugh and pulled Elide into his arms, pressing his lips to hers. He didn’t care that they both had morning breath or that he was still sore from the night’s sleep, he kissed her with every iota of feeling he had. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close, till there wasn’t a breath of air between them, needing her in a way his words could not express. He tangled his fingers in her long hair causing Elide to whimper softly against his lips, that sound making him lose all rational thought.

After a time, they broke apart, even more rumpled than they had been before and breathing hard.

“What was that for?” Elide asked, a slow smile crossing her features.

Lorcan had always struggled to articulate his feelings, but this time, the words seemed to just fill him. “I dreamt of this, prayed for this. Just quiet mornings with you, making you tea. I didn’t want anything grand, just this, just the little things. And now...now I have them. Somehow, I get this, with you. I’m grateful every day, that you would up on that bus with me, that you went through hell and back with me. Just so I can have this moment, right here with you.”

Elide pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “Me too Lorcan, me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL! I LOVE YOU ALL! I hope this was all you hoped and dreamed it would be. I loved writing it and sharing it with everyone! Thanks for sticking with me.


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